jen055 is offline jen055 Post #1  October 15,2011, 3:58pm
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If you heard through friends that your ex had great success with a huge idea/project that they had been working hard on while you were with them, would it be strange to contact them out of the blue to congratulate them? It was a big, big part of his life when we were together and it genuinely does make me happy for him that it turned out so well.

I don't know why I'm so concerned about how such a message would be received, because I'm sure he'll be polite and say thanks or he'll just ignore it altogether. Either way, it's not harming me, so what's the big deal, right? And before it comes up: I'm currently with someone, so I have no intention of trying to get back together with said ex. Maybe if it's making me so uneasy, I shouldn't do it?
 
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Ingytravel is offline Ingytravel Post #2  October 15,2011, 4:08pm
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If it's been a long time since you all have contacted each other...then I would just let it go. It's another if you all have been friendly with one another and your guy knows this.

I just see it as 'reaching out' if it's out of the blue and that is something that could cause him confusion, as well as your partner or his (if he is dating too).

Just wanted to add..that I would feel differently and think it's perfectly ok if it was a relative or close friend that had passed away that you also knew during the relationship...That situation is comforting for people to reach out.
Last edited by Ingytravel; October 15,2011 at 4:12pm.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #3  October 15,2011, 4:17pm
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jen055 wrote :
If you heard through friends that your ex had great success with a huge idea/project that they had been working hard on while you were with them, would it be strange to contact them out of the blue to congratulate them? It was a big, big part of his life when we were together and it genuinely does make me happy for him that it turned out so well.


I think this is fine.

As long as the news came to you in a manner which is not pining, and the acheivement is actually worthy of the congratulations you offer, then I think this is a good idea.


I don't know why I'm so concerned about how such a message would be received, because I'm sure he'll be polite and say thanks or he'll just ignore it altogether. Either way, it's not harming me, so what's the big deal, right? And before it comes up: I'm currently with someone, so I have no intention of trying to get back together with said ex. Maybe if it's making me so uneasy, I shouldn't do it?

The responsibility for how the message is received is on your prior partner, and not on you.

All that is on you is the intent when you send it.
 
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jen055 is offline jen055 Post #4  October 15,2011, 4:29pm
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Ingytravel wrote :
I just see it as 'reaching out' if it's out of the blue and that is something that could cause him confusion, as well as your partner or his (if he is dating too).
I don't know anything about what he's been doing since we broke up, which, now that I'm sitting here thinking about it, kind of strikes me as odd. I was the one that ended things and it ended on a relatively good note, so I don't see 'reaching out' to be a bad thing here? I guess I am concerned, however, about how my boyfriend would feel about this. I know I would have to share with him that I did congratulate my ex, because he tells me when his ex contacts him. Have to show him the same courtesy, I think.
 
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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #5  October 15,2011, 11:17pm
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It seems natural enough to me; I would congratulate him.

"Reaching out" to others...I like the very idea of it; try to practice it as often as I can.

Agree with the Frog...how it will be perceived is up to the recipient. Having known him...you are probably in the best position to guage his reaction.

If I were the recipient...I would be warmed by your "reaching out" to me.

It is complimentary to you both that you feel good enough about him to want to do that. I see no reason to deny yourself...or him...of that "compliment".

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littlebluemonkeymind is offline littlebluemonkeymind Post #6  October 16,2011, 7:22am
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I sent my ex-husband wedding present(s).

As long as you're clear in your intentions, it's a good thing. It would be considerate of you to tell your current guy to make him comfortable about it.
Last edited by littlebluemonkeymind; October 16,2011 at 7:32am.
 
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Xable is offline Xable Post #7  October 16,2011, 7:32am
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For me, it would depend on how the relationship ended. If it ended on bad terms, especially if I was the dumpee, I wouldn't want to hear from my ex. I wouldn't want those memories stirred, and hearing from an ex would probably just make me ask myself, "Why the heck is he contacting me and why won't he just leave me alone already?"

I like to keep my past in the past and I don't like it when people from my past, who previously wanted to be striped from my life, randomly decide to make reappearances.
 
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Mike74 is offline Mike74 Post #8  October 16,2011, 8:09am
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littlebluemonkeymind wrote :
I sent my ex-husband wedding present(s).

As long as you're clear in your intentions, it's a good thing. It would be considerate of you to tell your current guy to make him comfortable about it.
"Present(s)" as in multiple presents for one wedding, or one present each for multiple weddings?

I agree that, as long as the communication can't be misconstrued as anything other than a polite gesture, its appropriate. I also agree that its appropriate to tell the current BF.
 
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Wonderwoman402 is offline Wonderwoman402 Post #9  October 16,2011, 8:12am
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You would be opening the door for more communication. He gets your message and writes back "Thanks, and how is life treating you? Want to get together for lunch and catch up?" NOW how do you think your boyfriend would feel about you renewing contact with an ex?

I would leave it alone. Especially because you ended it and think you left it on a good note. For all you know, he didn't take it as well and still pines for you. Don't reopen the closed door. Leave it alone.
 
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Ingytravel is offline Ingytravel Post #10  October 16,2011, 8:57am
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I guess I'm thinking because you are so worried about this and have angst....there are emotions surrounding this attempt to reach out...and I agree with WW....what if he responds with what she has written...I know you can't control this...but you need to be prepared for this if you are opening up the door.

Just like the answer to your boyfriend if he asks..."So why do you want to do this?"...

Are you going to say.."Because I'm proud of him"...."because it's important to him so it's important to me" or, "I want him to know I was thinking of him"

Again...this is why I said if you all had already been friendly all these months and sent hellos and such now and then I wouldn't think a thing of it...
Last edited by Ingytravel; October 16,2011 at 9:00am.
 
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