Did I do something wrong?!?


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janesmithfromoc is offline janesmithfromoc Post #1  October 3,2011, 1:07pm
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Hi Everyone... Here's what happened:

My bf and I have been together for a little over 3 months. We met each other online and have been together since our first date. We were at a friend's party over the weekend. Everything was going fine... he was having fun with the fellows while I mingled with the gals.

All of us were sitting in the yard, I noticed this one female friend was being really "friendly" with my bf. I paid no attention and carried on with the other gals. This friendly gal made me felt uncomfortable. It's just the way she looks at him. Like googly eyes... plus when a gal has an instinct about another gal like this, usually it's 50/50. Anyway, I told my bf that I need to use the ladies' room and dismissed myself from that. Get some air... blah blah blah...

Later on that night, we got into a little spat about me not knowing how to be social with his friends. NOW.. was he talking about this one "girl" or in general? To me, I was talking to most of his friends throughout the night. I wasn't the life of the party but did enjoy myself even when he wasn't around.

I tried to explain to him but it seems like he was putting our relationship on the line when he said to me "I'm not sure about us". That really hurt my feelings. I told him, that was hurtful and why are you being mean? I was so confused...

BUT that morning... we woke up and he apologized for what had happened. He just wanted to get his point across. We kissed and made up.

WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT?

1) Should I tell him what was bothering me or will he think I'm just being insecurity/ sensitive
2) Was he just drunk out of his you-know-what and forgive/forget?!?!
 
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savman is offline savman Post #2  October 3,2011, 1:28pm
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If you can forgive and forget, then I would suggest that. If you are going to hold it over his head for a while, then I would talk to him about it.
 
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HelloKitty2 is offline HelloKitty2 Post #3  October 3,2011, 2:00pm
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mmm... if it bothers you, talk to him, clear the air. If it's not an issue andyou don't see this being an issue down the line, let it go. you know yourself best, trust your instinct about what to do. good luck!
 
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Harryoss is offline Harryoss Post #4  October 3,2011, 2:00pm
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Forgetting for a second the other girl and how much into your BF she was (because it is irrelevant and you should NOT be upset about that), there's 2 things that need to be considered here:

a) How did you BF handle himself when the lady showed interest in him? Did he reciprocate? Was he flirty and/or touchy? or did he distance himself despite remaining friendly and continuing to talk to her?

b) Ask him (in a non-confrontational way) what he meant by saying that you don't know how to be social with his friends. Tell him that if he thought you weren't being friendly somehow, that you'd like to know because you WERE trying to be friendly and social.

The thing about "B" is that, it COULD be true... that he noticed you doing something "unsocial"... and got upset about it (if this is the case, then you need to know what it is so you don't do it again... hence why you ask). But it's also likely that he was blame-shifting because he sensed that you picked up on his interest in the other girl, and so he turned it back on you and got upset at you over an arbitrary thing, so you wouldn't focus on him.

This is, of course, not to say that even if it's the latter you should break up with him over it... I am, in fact, being very careful not to be suggestive as to what you should do with that info...but It's still something worthy of noting nonetheless, because if it starts to become a pattern... then I don't think anyone would blame you if you didn't tolerate that.
 
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Ingytravel is offline Ingytravel Post #5  October 3,2011, 2:04pm
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I'm guessing you are pretty young?

I've always looked at it as either I trust the man I am with 100% or I'm not dating him. It doesn't matter if a woman throws himself at him while I'm not there....I trust that he will do the right thing and say no.

So...you are somehow upset at this girl....and then taking it out on your guy who as of right now and what you write...didn't do a thing wrong.

I'm hoping that you also apologized for your mood that night as I'm sure it was obvious that you were upset about the situation.

It sounds like your guy is not the type to deal with drama and lack of trust.

You have to decide whether you think he would cheat on you plain and simple...If you can't trust him....you will freak out every time there is a pretty woman who talks with him and you will start to worry when you aren't around him...That won't work for either of you.

I would actually suggest if you do trust him...that you can actually apologize by saying.."Wow...I showed a shade of green the other night which is NOT a good color on me...I guess it surprised me how much that I like having you around. I am sorry for getting into a foul mood"...Hug and kiss and then move on!..

If you two can laugh about this and move forward...it will be great..
Last edited by Ingytravel; October 3,2011 at 2:07pm.
 
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harnomygirl is offline harnomygirl Post #6  October 3,2011, 2:08pm
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Ingytravel wrote :
So...you are somehow upset at this girl....and then taking it out on your guy who as of right now and what you write...didn't do a thing wrong.

I'm hoping that you also apologized for your mood that night as I'm sure it was obvious that you were upset about the situation.
To me, it sounds like that is what happened, with no apology.
 
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cat100311 is offline cat100311 Post #7  October 3,2011, 2:15pm

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Ingytravel wrote :

I've always looked at it as either I trust the man I am with 100% or I'm not dating him.
Agrees!
 
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janesmithfromoc is offline janesmithfromoc Post #8  October 3,2011, 2:18pm
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@Savman: I'm going to forgive/forget b/c he did apologize the next morning. I'm sure we will have plenty of off-days if we stay together.

@HelloKitty2: The issue of him saying that i am not being social doesn't bother me. Maybe I "looked" bored and wasn't trying to get to know his friends. It's that girl.. I don't trust. I didn't get this feeling with other female friends ... BUT I don't know her so if this happens again then I will have a better idea/understanding.

@Harryoss: He's a friendly guy.. he will talk to anybody. He wasn't flirting with her.. or not that I noticed. There was a point when she came pulling his shirt to get his attention and he was talking to me. He ignored her.. but I wish I can take that back b/c thinking back to that specific moment, he probably turned to her for some type of "attention", if you will.

When I asked him, what do you mean I wasn't friendly? He said, whenever he looked over (at least 15 times) I looked bored and sat there not engaging any conversations with ppl. I dont want to bring it up b/c like I said, maybe it was an off-day and there will be a few others if we stay together. I'm trying to be rational about this and be a grown up.
 
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janesmithfromoc is offline janesmithfromoc Post #9  October 3,2011, 2:27pm
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@Ingytravel: Thank you for your constructive feedback. I am 28 y/o and I do trust him. He had never given me any reason to not trust me. He's been honest with me since day and so have I. It sounds really silly now. I guess it's her I didn't trust (at that moment).

I apologize that night when we had our spat. The next morning, he apologized and I did too; for being rude to him and his friends. We hugged.. kissed and said "We're good" smiled... hugged again.

Thank you again.
 
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Ingytravel is offline Ingytravel Post #10  October 3,2011, 2:31pm
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janesmithfromoc wrote :
@Ingytravel: Thank you for your constructive feedback. I am 28 y/o and I do trust him. He had never given me any reason to not trust me. He's been honest with me since day and so have I. It sounds really silly now. I guess it's her I didn't trust (at that moment).

I apologize that night when we had our spat. The next morning, he apologized and I did too; for being rude to him and his friends. We hugged.. kissed and said "We're good" smiled... hugged again.

Thank you again.
Then it sounds like things are good then

As I wrote...it doesn't matter about trusting or not trusting other women...it's all about your trust in him. There will always be temptation for people in a long term relationship/marriage. It's how we handle it and say no that makes our character strong.
 
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