Is experience a deal-breaker?


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Farajah is offline Farajah Post #1  September 10,2011, 2:26am
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The more I'm reading through these forums, the more questions I have. Especially in regards to compatibility, and what people seem to expect from their partner.

So, my question is; Does a person's experience (both in terms of relationships, and sex) weigh in heavily for you? To be more specific, if you find out that someone you are with has had no prior relationships (sexual, romantic, or both), would you start acting more cautiously, or drop them all together?

I ask, because, I see a lot of post saying things like; "if we're not sexually compatible, its a deal breaker". I would wonder just how compatible two people can be, if one has a drastic 'lead' over the other.

To further compound the issue, I've seen/heard/read things on other forums, and other areas of life, that a person's performance can be an instant relationship killer. No matter how good a person they are. Now, I can certainly see where this could be an issue on the romantic/love end of the relationship.

After all, if your partner spends all day absorbed in cyberspace, and not with you, things can grow very distant, very quickly. They may not, however, realize what's happening, until its gone.

In other areas, I just don't see where inexperience can't be easily corrected by just saying "Try this, instead of this."
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #2  September 10,2011, 2:41am
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If this question is about you(I read your other post) don't worry about it too much..
Even in today's world, where people are hooking up just because it's a day that ends in "y"...you're young enough where no one is going to laugh at you or judge you.
Don't sweat it.
 
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CurbedMyEnthusiasm is offline CurbedMyEnthusiasm Post #3  September 10,2011, 2:46am
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Depends on you. Inexperienced in relationships, as with sex, requires more patience and teaching/communication on your part. You're either willing to accept that or not.

I don't think it's a black & white deal breaker, but it's going to be more challenging.
 
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PictureImperfect is offline PictureImperfect Post #4  September 10,2011, 3:42am
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Farajah, I completely understand your wondering (and possibly even fretting) over this subject. I did so myself.

In terms of sexual experience, my boyfriend has a 30-year lead over me, and not only that, before we met I had never had a romantic relationship at all. (We're only a few years apart. Yes, I was a virgin into my 40s. This worked out okay for me, but I hesitate to recommend it.) Though my BF did wonder at the beginning, especially early on before we started having sex, what kind of strange "baggage" this might have imposed on me, we've been getting along fine in (and out of) the bedroom.

You are young and have time to develop experiences. My own adeptness in relationship matters (other than sex) came because I'd had all kinds of other non-romantic relationships: family, friends, colleagues. And I'd observed (and analyzed, with a writer's eye) other people's romantic relationships (of parents; grandparents; aunts; cousins; very close friends).

Someone who spends all day absorbed in cyberspace is going to have a harder time of it, and a potential partner will no doubt be aware of that. That someone is going to have to make some extra efforts to broaden their horizons/interests/activities, or else be willing to search for a partner who understands or even sympathizes (I mean not in the sense of pity but shares feelings with) that kind of lifestyle.

Being aware of the kinds of questions you're asking (without obsessing over them) and being aware of your own lifestyle and how it might be at odds with society, especially regarding women, in general (which doesn't necessarily mean changing it, or at least changing it completely) seem like good steps.
 
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tobyw is offline tobyw Post #5  September 10,2011, 3:58am
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Interesting thoughts, here's mine

We all learn from people more experience than us
no matter what we do - why would the bedroom and relationships be any different.

and when people meet up that are both inexperience its amazing what can be achieved.

think of a young band of teenagers trying to be rockstars without experience - some make it some don't - why would the bedroom and relationships be any different?

for me I'm always looking for more experience people than myself when I'm wish to achieve a level of something - why would the bedroom and relationships be any different?

and eventually you are faced with the option of choosing to be the student or the mentor - why would the bedroom or relationships be any different?

and then one day, before you know it you are working in a team to achieve the same goals with others that have the same experience but bring on board different attributes - why would the bedroom and relationships be any different?

knowing where you are and what you want then learning how to get it is more important than worrying about what others think.

but I'll leave it at that for now
cheers,
 
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Jackedup is offline Jackedup Post #6  September 10,2011, 4:26am
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Farajah wrote :
The more I'm reading through these forums, the more questions I have. Especially in regards to compatibility, and what people seem to expect from their partner.

So, my question is; Does a person's experience (both in terms of relationships, and sex) weigh in heavily for you? To be more specific, if you find out that someone you are with has had no prior relationships (sexual, romantic, or both), would you start acting more cautiously, or drop them all together?

I ask, because, I see a lot of post saying things like; "if we're not sexually compatible, its a deal breaker". I would wonder just how compatible two people can be, if one has a drastic 'lead' over the other.

To further compound the issue, I've seen/heard/read things on other forums, and other areas of life, that a person's performance can be an instant relationship killer. No matter how good a person they are. Now, I can certainly see where this could be an issue on the romantic/love end of the relationship.

After all, if your partner spends all day absorbed in cyberspace, and not with you, things can grow very distant, very quickly. They may not, however, realize what's happening, until its gone.

In other areas, I just don't see where inexperience can't be easily corrected by just saying "Try this, instead of this."
I think the biggest deal breaker...in a relationship... is acting like you want to have experiences with other people during the relationship.

Communicate your needs, or willingness to explore with your partner; sometimes, the less talk, the better... just do it. If I am with a man, and he is in front of the computer doing unnecessary stuff, and I can't use my feminine ways to pull him away from bullcrap, then we got a problem
Last edited by Jackedup; September 10,2011 at 4:31am.
 
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Isobella is offline Isobella Post #7  September 11,2011, 6:45pm
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tobyw wrote :
Interesting thoughts, here's mine

We all learn from people more experience than us
no matter what we do - why would the bedroom and relationships be any different.

and when people meet up that are both inexperience its amazing what can be achieved.

think of a young band of teenagers trying to be rockstars without experience - some make it some don't - why would the bedroom and relationships be any different?

for me I'm always looking for more experience people than myself when I'm wish to achieve a level of something - why would the bedroom and relationships be any different?

and eventually you are faced with the option of choosing to be the student or the mentor - why would the bedroom or relationships be any different?

and then one day, before you know it you are working in a team to achieve the same goals with others that have the same experience but bring on board different attributes - why would the bedroom and relationships be any different?

knowing where you are and what you want then learning how to get it is more important than worrying about what others think.

but I'll leave it at that for now
cheers,
Very clever! 10/10
 
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myusernamehere is offline myusernamehere Post #8  September 11,2011, 6:55pm
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Farajah wrote :
So, my question is; Does a person's experience (both in terms of relationships, and sex) weigh in heavily for you? To be more specific, if you find out that someone you are with has had no prior relationships (sexual, romantic, or both), would you start acting more cautiously, or drop them all together?
No way. I'd consider it a positive.
 
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Wonderwoman402 is offline Wonderwoman402 Post #9  September 11,2011, 8:06pm
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For someone young like the OP (early 20s), lack of relationship and/or sexual experience should not be much of a concern at all.

For older folk like me (50-ish), it would be a bit of a flag for many.
 
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Farajah is offline Farajah Post #10  September 12,2011, 12:30am
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Wonderwoman402 wrote :
For someone young like the OP (early 20s), lack of relationship and/or sexual experience should not be much of a concern at all.
There are times where it seems like it is. When talking to female friends, be they long time, or new friends, the subject about my relationship history comes up at some point. When they find out I'm a virgin, they usually greet me with an "Awe", and approach me with a whole different attitude.

Haven't had to deal with this in dating (whole other issue), so it's piqued my curiosity. Yes, it is something of a fear of mine, as is my own, admittedly conservative, ways of approaching things. That particular part is neither here, nor there, though.
 
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