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flgal is offline flgal Post #1  July 20,2011, 1:59pm
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enjoying the last day of summer break!

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I recently started communicating with an eH match. (Holy cow! Some of the matches REALLY are living, breathing people! What do you know!) We went through GC, e-mailed back and forth through eH mail and have been e-mailing through our personal e-mail accounts for about a week. We definitely have a lot in common, the same likes/dislikes, etc. He truly does seem like a great guy, although I obviously really don't "know" him.

The kicker is that I live in Florida and he lives in California. That said, my custody agreement is such that I can move anywhere in the U.S. and I am not opposed to relocating. I would actually like to move back out west, eventually. His custody agreement ties him to CA. Don't get me wrong, I'm not jumping the gun here and putting the cart before the horse, by any means. But, this situation got me wondering how realistic it is to even communicate with someone who lives that far away. If things did proceed, how would I spend enough time with him to "really" get to know him? I would have to "really" know someone before I moved across the country for them.

Does anyone have any stories/advice to share in this regard?
 
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Ingytravel is offline Ingytravel Post #2  July 20,2011, 2:08pm
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Out of curiousity...when you say your custody agreement allows you to relocate...is that with your kids? If their Dad is in the picture...wouldn't they terribly miss seeing him if he lives close to you all now? Just wondering how that would work..

The main thing is that I would just focus on meeting him first...this really doesn't even need to be thought about until you have met and spent some actual time together...

To move across the country would likely be at least a year down the road after spending lots of time together...meeting kids and friends/family...seeing how you are around eachother in good times/bad...etc...

And not trying to be Debbie Downer...but a lot of times it fizzles out before even meeting...or even after the first meet...you may not be attracted to one another...it's easy for people to 'seem' great online...

There is just wayyyy too much that's yet to happen to really worry or think about moving for a man you've never met...

I personally would never move unless there was plans to marry...an actual engagement...especially if your kids are younger than 18..

Just my thoughts...
 
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tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #3  July 20,2011, 2:15pm
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There are several success stories of people who met here on eHa who were long distance but I don't know how child custody was impacted. There have also been several threads started here outlining an epic fail. For me, I don't see it working well unless you're part owner of an airline or otherwise can afford to do a LOT of traveling.

As far as advice, I got nuttin', but I question why you're giving up on finding someone more local.
 
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flgal is offline flgal Post #4  July 20,2011, 2:16pm
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Ingytravel, I tried to do two different quotes, but it didn't work. So, I highlighted your questions and answered them.

Out of curiousity...when you say your custody agreement allows you to relocate...is that with your kids? If their Dad is in the picture...wouldn't they terribly miss seeing him if he lives close to you all now? Just wondering how that would work..

Yes, my custody agreement allows me to relocate with my kids. Their dad is a Navy pilot who barely exercises any of his visitation (this has nothing to do with his career and everything to do with his priorities). He currently lives 14 hours away, so visitation requires plane tickets, regardless of where I live.

The main thing is that I would just focus on meeting him first...this really doesn't even need to be thought about until you have met and spent some actual time together...

The things is, I'm wondering if I should even take the time to get to know him because of all of the logistics of the situation.
 
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flgal is offline flgal Post #5  July 20,2011, 2:22pm
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tweet37 wrote :
As far as advice, I got nuttin', but I question why you're giving up on finding someone more local.
I haven't given up on finding someone more local. I rarely receive matches from guys in my area, however. This guy was a flex match, we started communicating and here I am.

Ideally, I would like to find someone in my area. I'm thinking all of the "good guys" within a 100 mile radius are already taken. There seem to be a lot of players in this area. Or maybe that's the case everywhere.
 
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tangochef is offline tangochef Post #6  July 20,2011, 2:22pm
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Between miles, and air fare specials it could work if you are willing to spend the travel time.

My cousin and his wife dated for 7 years (took her that long to get a life long bachelor to get with the plan).

He was having her fly to see him almost every weekend, and he lives in Switzerland and she lived in a different country. Flight time was 4 hours each way.

Now, ten years and two kids later they are still very happy.
 
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tangochef is offline tangochef Post #7  July 20,2011, 2:24pm
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flgal wrote :
...

Ideally, I would like to find someone in my area. I'm thinking all of the "good guys" within a 100 mile radius are already taken...
Yep, best guys are in CA.
 
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Ingytravel is offline Ingytravel Post #8  July 20,2011, 2:26pm
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flgal wrote :
Ingytravel, I tried to do two different quotes, but it didn't work. So, I highlighted your questions and answered them.

Out of curiousity...when you say your custody agreement allows you to relocate...is that with your kids? If their Dad is in the picture...wouldn't they terribly miss seeing him if he lives close to you all now? Just wondering how that would work..

Yes, my custody agreement allows me to relocate with my kids. Their dad is a Navy pilot who barely exercises any of his visitation (this has nothing to do with his career and everything to do with his priorities). He currently lives 14 hours away, so visitation requires plane tickets, regardless of where I live.

The main thing is that I would just focus on meeting him first...this really doesn't even need to be thought about until you have met and spent some actual time together...

The things is, I'm wondering if I should even take the time to get to know him because of all of the logistics of the situation.

Thanks for more information...that helps to know...

I think if you have the financial means to split the cost of meeting this man...I don't see the harm in getting to a first meet fairly quickly to even see from there...

I always recommend that if the man is coming to see you that he stay in a hotel and you all meet in a public place...(You all can work out the airfare/hotel costs)...Or if you were flying to see him...I would do the same thing...I just believe in being safe with a complete stranger...There are lots of posts on this with varying thoughts...

*If you want to reply to different parts of someone's post...just hit the same button of Reply with Quote...and then scroll up and start typing in between each paragraph that you want to respond...I usually bold or italicize my responses so that you can see the difference...and then you can add 'see above' after the word 'quote' that is at the end of their writing...where you normally write when quoting...or add something else...Does that make any sense?..Try it with this post
 
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flgal is offline flgal Post #9  July 20,2011, 2:33pm
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Ingytravel wrote :
Thanks for more information...that helps to know...

I think if you have the financial means to split the cost of meeting this man...I don't see the harm in getting to a first meet fairly quickly to even see from there...

I agree that a fairly quick meeting would be in order if I decide to continue communicating with him. I wouldn't want to create a visual image of him that doesn't match up with who he is in real life. Kind of like reading a book, creating the character in your mind, seeing the movie and realizing the guy you created looks and acts nothing like you'd envisioned.

I always recommend that if the man is coming to see you that he stay in a hotel and you all meet in a public place...(You all can work out the airfare/hotel costs)...Or if you were flying to see him...I would do the same thing...I just believe in being safe with a complete stranger...There are lots of posts on this with varying thoughts...

Definitely. I have two awesome kids to finish raising. Like you, I believe in safety first.

*If you want to reply to different parts of someone's post...just hit the same button of Reply with Quote...and then scroll up and start typing in between each paragraph that you want to respond...I usually bold or italicize my responses so that you can see the difference...and then you can add 'see above' after the word 'quote' that is at the end of their writing...where you normally write when quoting...or add something else...Does that make any sense?..Try it with this post
see above.

Thanks Ingy! Okay, lets see if this works!
 
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flgal is offline flgal Post #10  July 20,2011, 2:35pm
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tangochef wrote :
Yep, best guys are in CA.
Ahhh...maybe that's why I have such a strong desire to move back out west. Mmmhhhh???
 
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