A little tired, please help me out


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harnomygirl is offline harnomygirl Post #1  July 20,2011, 10:38am
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A health problem that started a little while ago seems to be getting worse. Since the symptoms match something I've watched two of my mother's sisters go through, I'm pretty sure I know what it is and I'm not ready to see a doctor yet. I want to wait until the end of summer to find out for certain.

My current problem is the fatigue is getting a little worse all the time. (The feeling is generally accompanied by a fever, so it's physical, not mental, darn it.) I seem to be able to tell when it's going to turn into exhaustion and I've stopped doing the more active things that I can't cancel at the last minute. For example, there's no way I'm getting on a horse for now because that got dangerous when I tried to sleep-ride my way through a session.

I haven't told my boyfriend and I'm not sure what he thinks is happening. I've been pulling back a little and seeing him less often. We haven't been together long enough for me to want him to worry about my health. Also, he's typical in that he'd recommend a course of action and I don't want to take any until my daughter goes back to school. Life's been tough enough on everyone for the past few years and, if there's even a small chance that this is serious, I don't plan on dragging anyone I care about through it with me.

Is there any way I can keep my own counsel and my boyfriend, or will he just start to think I'm playing games if I start to say too often that I can't see him because I'm tired? What can I do to offset that. What can I do to feel less tired?

Simple avoidance feels passive aggressive, but full disclosure seems self-indulgent because everything is still just a possibility. I just know that I've done a self-analysis and I don't have the sustainable energy right now to do a lot of the things we'd hoped to do together. I also have no intention of getting sick anywhere but in the US, and I don't know how to dial things back hard enough without looking like I don't feel as much for him as I do.

Any suggestions that would help me get the most pleasant summer possible would be appreciated.
 
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HelenDanger is offline HelenDanger Post #2  July 20,2011, 10:58am
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I don't care where you are. Go to the doctor. Now please. At least schedule an appointment. If you're getting a fever and are in danger of falling asleep mid activity--that's serious and not something to wait around on. You don't even know if you're right about the problem or whether you could be in danger.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with telling your guy you're unwell and concerned about it and taking steps to find out what's wrong so you can fix it. That shows you know what you're doing and can take care of yourself.

Please don't continue to consider claiming generalized fatigue in an effort to spare him worry. Lying like that is going to sound off key and is way more likely to worry him than the clear, upbeat, but not toooooo graphically detailed truth.

And call the doctor please. Now. Don't make me come over there.
 
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KikiAZ is offline KikiAZ Post #3  July 20,2011, 11:02am
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If you came to me with this, as either your SO or a friend, I'd say go to the doc.

It would frustrate me if you didn't because you didn't want to know.

You either ARE ill or you are having the end of summer blahs. It sounds like depression to me, despite the fever. If you think it's Lymes, or CF, or something else delaying a docs visit doesn't help.

Get it checked then work with the facts.
 
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KikiAZ is offline KikiAZ Post #4  July 20,2011, 11:03am
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(apparently I am following Helen around posting just minutes behind...drat....must hurry)
 
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Cali42 is offline Cali42 Post #5  July 20,2011, 11:03am
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Why wait to go to the doctor? You are a parent and it is your responsibility to take care of yourself…I am sure you would take your daughter to the doctor – take care of yourself too J

The bf – Tell him you have not been feeling well and you are tired and that you didn’t want him to think you are playing any games. I’d go ahead and tell him you are going to the doctor if it is already impacting your relationship. Tell him you’re not sure if it is the flu, you just want to get it checked out.

I went through some serious health issues (breast cancer) while I was single and only 40. The impact on my health lasted a very long time. One guy that was interested in me right before my surgery I blew off because I knew I was about to get into too many issues both physically and emotionally. Later when we met again after my treatment I eventually told him why I blew him off. It made him feel better to know I wasn’t playing games or that it was not him. He totally respected me because of what I had gone through.

Depending on how long you have been together; I would say be careful this does not become the focal point of your relationship. Focus on the positive – if he asks how your day was mention something other than your health… “ It was great, I got to talk to (insert name of friend etc.) today and we had a great conversation catching up.”

I don’t know how serious this is, but I know for me, I just wanted to be normal and talk about normal things sometimes… movies, whatever. It is good to have someone to vent to, but it is also good to not let the sickness have too much attention in your life.

Sending you healthy thoughts; I hope you are better soon!
 
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Vanillasky is offline Vanillasky Post #6  July 20,2011, 11:06am
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harnomygirl wrote :
A health problem that started a little while ago seems to be getting worse. Since the symptoms match something I've watched two of my mother's sisters go through, I'm pretty sure I know what it is and I'm not ready to see a doctor yet. I want to wait until the end of summer to find out for certain.

Also, he's typical in that he'd recommend a course of action and I don't want to take any until my daughter goes back to school. Life's been tough enough on everyone for the past few years and, if there's even a small chance that this is serious, I don't plan on dragging anyone I care about through it with me.
The only thing to do IS to go to the doctor now. You don't know what it is and all you are doing by waiting is stirring up drama for you and everyone around you. Put yourself first and deal with it.

You will find that most people have had a friend, family member or have gone through a debilitating illness themselves. I would tell any of them to -- go to the doctor and go to the doctor now.

Take care.
 
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HelenDanger is offline HelenDanger Post #7  July 20,2011, 11:06am
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KikiAZ wrote :
(apparently I am following Helen around posting just minutes behind...drat....must hurry)
I'm fast. But let me know where you want to post next and I will wait for you.
 
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harnomygirl is offline harnomygirl Post #8  July 20,2011, 11:15am
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HelenDanger wrote :
I don't care where you are. Go to the doctor. Now please. At least schedule an appointment. If you're getting a fever and are in danger of falling asleep mid activity--that's serious and not something to wait around on. You don't even know if you're right about the problem or whether you could be in danger.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with telling your guy you're unwell and concerned about it and taking steps to find out what's wrong so you can fix it. That shows you know what you're doing and can take care of yourself.

Please don't continue to consider claiming generalized fatigue in an effort to spare him worry. Lying like that is going to sound off key and is way more likely to worry him than the clear, upbeat, but not toooooo graphically detailed truth.

And call the doctor please. Now. Don't make me come over there.
I'm not really sparing him worry. I just like the idea of being around someone who isn't really involved in it.

I don't think I'm even sparing my daughter worry. I've noticed that whenever something happens to me she acts out. I think it'll be easier to handle whatever it is after she's gone.

If it's really nothing then I'm sparing everyone a whole lot of drama. I think I'm putting myself first by waiting even though it doesn't sound like it. If I could isolate myself from people who would make things harder I would go see a doctor now, but I can't.

You're probably right that I do sound off to my bf though. That's going to affect how we interact. I'll have to figure out a better way to handle it.
 
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harnomygirl is offline harnomygirl Post #9  July 20,2011, 11:20am
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Wendycity wrote :
The only thing to do IS to go to the doctor now. You don't know what it is and all you are doing by waiting is stirring up drama for you and everyone around you. Put yourself first and deal with it.

You will find that most people have had a friend, family member or have gone through a debilitating illness themselves. I would tell any of them to -- go to the doctor and go to the doctor now.

Take care.
I will take care. I'm trying to avoid drama if there's really nothing wrong. If I wasn't pretty sure I could wait a month or two I wouldn't. I just wanted to make sure any readers understood why I'm prepared to wait out the summer.

I was really hoping for advice on how handle my bf without sounding overly dramatic. There must be people who've gone through something similar. What do they say to their dates?
 
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harnomygirl is offline harnomygirl Post #10  July 20,2011, 11:24am
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KikiAZ wrote :
If you came to me with this, as either your SO or a friend, I'd say go to the doc.

It would frustrate me if you didn't because you didn't want to know.

You either ARE ill or you are having the end of summer blahs. It sounds like depression to me, despite the fever. If you think it's Lymes, or CF, or something else delaying a docs visit doesn't help.

Get it checked then work with the facts.
It could be the end of summer blahs/depression. That's actually what I was hoping, but there are other physical symptoms.
 
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