SearchingHoping is online now SearchingHoping Post #1  June 23,2011, 4:27pm
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When is it appropriate in U.S. dating culture to share with each other how much money each makes? In my culture of origin this is not a big deal and we tend to talk about how much money we make pretty openly and early with friends, relatives and in romantic relationships. I have learned that in the U.S. this topic is more of a taboo. Is it?

I will appreciate your advice and insight.
 
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tangochef is offline tangochef Post #2  June 23,2011, 4:33pm
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SearchingHoping wrote :
When is it appropriate in U.S. dating culture to share with each other how much money each makes? In my culture of origin this is not a big deal and we tend to talk about how much money we make pretty openly and early with friends, relatives and in romantic relationships. I have learned that in the U.S. this topic is more of a taboo. Is it?

I will appreciate your advice and insight.
Never.
 
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Ingytravel is offline Ingytravel Post #3  June 23,2011, 4:51pm
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The only person I have ever known how much they make is my ex husband...and that was shared around when we got engaged and started planning our lives together...

I have had other ltr's lasting a year to 2 years before then...and we never discussed salaries. I also never lived with any of them (only my ex when we got married)...

We could get a glimpse into eachother by the how and what we spend our money on through the relationship...if they are more of a saver or a spender...but it really didn't impact our relationship at any level.
Last edited by Ingytravel; June 23,2011 at 5:04pm.
 
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Ephemera is offline Ephemera Post #4  June 23,2011, 5:04pm
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I agree - I never share my income levels with others; not even friends or family. Also I never share info about bills or taxes or bonuses or any other financial data. It is personal. If I am married to or living with someone that can be different - but not always. Only if we are pooling finances and making joint spending decisions together. The closest I'll come is to say that I can't do whatever this weekend as it's a bit tight for me, or conversely I'll plan an outing and just joke that I'm feeling flush. I not only consider it private info but also it seems like a burden to place on another person as they are now in an awkward position regarding sharing their info or looking cheap if they don't volunteer to pay for more things if they are the higher earner. And I don't want to feel that I need to pay for everything if I am the higher earner.
 
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SearchingHoping is online now SearchingHoping Post #5  June 23,2011, 5:05pm
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Thanks Tango, Ephemera and Ingy. I have been in long relationships with U.S. men and I had never discussed it -- in detail-- either (but I had never lived with them). I was wondering if I was over-correcting by being so private, but I see my behavior is appropriate.
Last edited by SearchingHoping; June 23,2011 at 5:06pm. Reason: Added Ephemera
 
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myusernamehere is offline myusernamehere Post #6  June 23,2011, 5:21pm
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tangochef wrote :
Never.
True that.
 
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mitchell175 is offline mitchell175 Post #7  June 23,2011, 5:29pm
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It's not a taboo for everyone. In my family, my parents were very open with us about how much they each made and so I was brought up thinking it was not such a big deal. However, I have found that this is the exception and not the rule. Growing up, I was surprised to learn that most of my friends had no idea what kind of salaries their parents made.

I find that most people do not like to talk about money, so it's easier to just keep my mouth shut about it. Personally, I don't care if family or friends know what I make, but I don't usually talk about it since most people don't do that either.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #8  June 23,2011, 5:33pm
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I would be unable to move a partner toward a commitment path without this information (and a lot more.)

In my experience, income and financial condition are typically known, since my peer group was dealing with tuitions, navigating the entry to careers, and the first steps toward investing. Disclosure, comparing notes, asking advice, were something all my partners did, and sooner rather than later (a couple of months, usually when topic came up for some reason.)

***

I also favor sharing budgets and goals relatively early in a relationship. This is essential information.
 
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SearchingHoping is online now SearchingHoping Post #9  June 23,2011, 5:54pm
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D_Lion wrote :
I would be unable to move a partner toward a commitment path without this information (and a lot more.)
Interesting. I feel the same way, your description is my ideal situation. I have been trying to adjust thinking money-privacy is the cultural norm. Now I see maybe it is not so.
Mmmhhh, back to the drawing board...
 
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upstategirl is offline upstategirl Post #10  June 23,2011, 5:59pm
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If I were in a serious relationship with someone, I would definately let them know how much money I make and I would expect to know the same from them. I see no reason not to know this information about each other.
 
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