Super, super long, so thanks to anyone who could read this.


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gmart8 is offline gmart8 Post #1  June 20,2011, 5:09pm
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I would say that this is more like the story of my life….And I have to say it’s really an interesting story.

I have been dating a guy for about 9 months. We met online last summer. When we first started talking back and forth last summer, I wasn’t really, how to put it, “in to him.” It was like I was “blinded” by the fact that he had interest in me. Because I think I was more into other guys that wanted to meet me right away, who took initiative quickly. Admittedly, I liked the attention, and the instant gratification.

But this one guy, he was completely different from all the other guys I interacted with online. He was the only one whom I had actual in depth conversations with. I couldn’t possibly think he liked me because of that. Perhaps it was because I also wanted to meet someone right away as well, and I guess, because I was also shallow. I do admit. Seeing that we had lots of in depth conversations back and forth, I assumed that he just wanted to be just friends with me. And I saw absolutely nothing of this going anywhere. Absolutely nothing.

So as I continued to have these online email chats with him for a couple of months, I still continued to just think of it going nowhere beyond just friends. I went on a couple of dates with another guy, but it didn’t turn out. Perhaps it was the shallowness that made it not go anywhere. We liked each other nothing more than just looks, and we didn’t really connect. I am glad for that experience because I did definitely learn from it. As I continued to communicate with the other guy, it was actually something I did enjoy. I had fun talking to him about random things, things that had nothing to do with “let’s meet” or “I like you,” or anything to do with relationships. So as we chatted online for about 2 months, it did sort of progress. He said that we should be facebook friends and told me to add him. So I did and through that, we talked a bit via emailing in facebook. After a few more emails, he gave me his number and said I should text him something funny. All these “moves” he took to get me interested, looking back on this all, in my mind I didn’t allow myself to believe I could like him, or that he could possibly have interest in me. It was impossible in my mind, at the time. I just couldn’t see it. I was blind.

So we texted back and forth for a month. I was still in that mindset of, “Oh, so he just wants to be friends.” Why is that? It was because I think I had this preconception that these things should just happen like that, that people should meet right away. I had been communicating online/texting for about 3 months, so I was forced to believe there was nothing there.

It was the beginning of September when I had to go back to university, and I had to do something about this. I felt like it was going nowhere, and I couldn’t let myself be distracted by this while I was in school. So I had to figure out what was going on between us, I made the move. I confronted him in an email. I asked him why we had been communicating for a few months, yet that was the extent of it. I told him that I couldn’t be led on to believe there was something between us, if there wasn’t. And if he was just looking for an “email/chat friend,” I would be totally fine with that.

His emailed me a little something like, “I wasn’t sure if you were into me or not, your sporadic texts made me believe you weren’t.” He also texted me and said that this wasn’t meant to be a distraction for me. And then he casually said that we should catch a movie that weekend. Okay, interesting I thought. I wasn’t too scared about it, because still, in my mind I still was blinded by this all. I don’t know why I just couldn’t possibly see that he could like me. But I think this is why.

This entire online dating experience I had last summer, it was the first time I ever did the dating thing. Ever. I never had that teenage dating experience that most people get to go through. I was always the shy one, and if I did like someone, I wouldn’t do anything about it. I guess the opportunity never really presented itself for me back then. And so I had never dated, ever, before this whole online experience. I was the late bloomer among all my friends. Last summer I decided to just try out the online dating and see what would happen. And things did happen, beyond my astonishment.

That first “date” we met for the movies, I was like, okay, whatever. I have to say, I didn’t really “like him.” I am a horrible person for saying this (shallow in this respect), and I don’t want to say it, but I must. I wasn’t initially attracted to him physically, wholeheartedly. I felt that the physical attraction was not strikingly obvious; it wasn’t the hook that made me interested in him. All I thought was, “he’s okay looking”, not super hot or anything like that. But this was just the first date. This was just first impressions, and in my part, my superficialness judging him. I really hate myself for it. But I think we’re all a little shallow, don’t you think?

After that “date,” I contemplated a little bit, and thought to myself, he’s a really decent guy. I thought he had a really awesome personality. In my mind, I still couldn’t possibly think I could like him, or vice versa. I thought, whatever, this is going to go nowhere. I just didn’t fret over it. So we continued to chat via text that week, and he asked me out again the following weekend.

It was from that second date and onwards that my life changed. Literally, for the better. I know it probably sounds overly dramatic, but my life changed.

As I began hanging out with him every weekend, I slowly got to know him. He grew on me, and he became increasingly more attractive to me. His personality was the hook that kept pulling me on. He became more attractive, physically, because of who he was as a person. I fell for him. I fell for him in all aspects.

And so now it has been 9 months. We have been dating for 9 months, and I look back to this whole whirlwind encounter, and it still gives me goosebumps. I still can’t believe it happened. I just couldn’t believe it could happen to me, that I would ever be in a relationship, because it is my first. I am 22, and it is my first relationship. Yes, indeed I am a late bloomer. But I am okay with it. I know everything happens for a reason.

And that saying that goes something like: “Sometimes what you always wanted was right in front of you all along,” well, I can 100% say that was the case for me.

There is just one thing I need help understanding, something that probably no one can really say with 100% confidence. It is this:

How do you know if you are in love?

I wouldn’t know, because this is my first relationship, ever. I can’t compare it to anything else. But I have these really strong feeling for him, and I am still trying to wrap my mind around it, and understand what it is I am feeling. I have these strong feelings, that I am falling for him, but I feel like I can’t say that. Because it’s my first relationship, it’s like I’m stopping myself from thinking I love him. Like I don’t want to get hurt, so I won’t allow myself to admit it. Because who ever finds their soul mate as the first person they ever date, right? It’s just not possible that he could “be the one.” Can it? I guess no one can tell me. No one knows. Only time will tell. He definitely brings out the best in me, and I love spending time with him. And sometimes he believes in me more than I believe in myself.

Something that has always been a struggle for me all my life is talking about feelings. I think that is something that we have to work on, him and I. Actually I know that is something we have to work on. It’s the communication of feelings. I still have this barrier I put up when I’m with him. I have been able to open up to him more in other respects, but not in terms of what I’m feeling. It’s like we never do talk about them between us. I feel it’s lacking. It’s like a little hole in the relationship, and I don’t know if it should be a concern, or if I should just let it develop naturally, slowly over time. I just don’t know. It’s just a scary feeling to say that I am falling for someone, when it is your first relationship. There is also one last thing. 9 months of dating, and we have also never talked about our previous relationships. Ever. But then again, I have nothing to say, because I have none. He is my first relationship. Are you “supposed” to talk about ex’s or does it even matter? I think that whatever happened in the past, is in the past, right? I don’t know. It just has never come up, or I feel that we don’t need to talk about it. Or is it necessary??

Thank you to anyone who was able to read this extremely long post from beginning to end. It’s just so completely new to me, and I wanted to get different perspectives and a little bit of advice.

Thanks.
 
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eha_answer_man is offline eha_answer_man Post #2  June 20,2011, 5:14pm

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When that one person makes you forget about finding anyone else.
 
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bridge47 is offline bridge47 Post #3  June 20,2011, 6:19pm
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Don't worry about being a late bloomer, I think its better that way so you don't have tons of baggage.
I found myself almost genuinely saying "I love you" to my boyfriend and having to stop myself in the first few months of our relationship, but then he actually said it before me. I think you just know.

And why is it that you could never see yourself liking this guy? Is it looks? Is it that you want a really fun, active dating lifestyle and aren't ready to settle yet? Or maybe you don't know what you want? I think the awesome personality to worth a lot and that you can have deep conversations. It seems like your relationship is built on a mutual interest and respect for each other.

Best of luck!
 
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