Sarahmell is offline Sarahmell Post #1  January 11,2011, 12:51pm
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How do tell a boyfriend that you think that he should see a doctor to be assessed for depression?

Tough topic I know. But I am fairly sure that he is depressed, I have experienced depression both from the inside and as a spectator and his moods and behavior scream "depressed!!"

So how do I approach this subject? .
 
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suzyblueeyes is offline suzyblueeyes Post #2  January 11,2011, 1:39pm
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Be direct: "I care about you (love you) so much, and I have noticed that you seem down a lot recently. I don't know how to make you feel better, and that makes me feel powerless. I want you to feel really good about life instead of down all the time. I am concerned that if things keep up this way, it is going to be really hard on our relationship. I don't want to lose what we have together. If you want, I can set up an appointment with a therapist for you. And know that I am always here for you if you just need someone to listen."

Something along those lines. A lot of times depressed people feel isolated and alone. If your boyfriend truly believes that you will be there to listen (just listen) to him as well as follow through with any promises you make (like setting him up with a therapy appointment and potentially driving him there), it may very well make a big difference.

Be aware though that sometimes depressed people will resent you for your help. If this is the case, it will be up to you to decide whether getting him help is more important or salvaging your relationship (with a depressed person). There are occasions where you can't have both.
 
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richey is offline richey Post #3  January 11,2011, 1:41pm
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Gawd.. that's a good question.... hmmmmm....
How long have you been dating and how serious would you consider you two?

An idea might be to somehow bring in your past depression into the discussion sometimes and see if he takes the bait. it doens't even have to be a negative/downer type moment.. maybe something like....

"you know... this is really cool.. I'm so happy with you.. and it feels so good to know how far i've come. Because normally or in the past when what just happen would happen, I would've taken it or reacted completely differently when I was dealing with depression... Gawd, its' so nice to have worked my way out of that and see things from a completely different perspective now..."

Good luck. I hope that got the juices flowing and helped you come up with some ideas...

Richey
 
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richey is offline richey Post #4  January 11,2011, 1:46pm
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suzyblueeyes wrote :
Be aware though that sometimes depressed people will resent you for your help.
This is why I suggest not doing the direct approach and trying everything else first. The last thing anybody wants is to think people believe they are sick, not mentally healthy, and a downer (aka "depressed person") or people think they need help... or that eek.. people PITY THEM??????

So I don't believe in the confrontive, serious, direct talk when it comes to this.

i do believe, though, when it comes to things that people can feel ashamed and embarrassed about, if they find out somebody used to have that, and especially somebody who they respect and admire and think is cool and was the last person they thought might have had a conditin like that....

I just believe they would be more willing to talk to them, bring it up with them,.... and maybe even feel a connection to them enough to trust them with their "secret"....

So I believe in opening the door for them in a way they will see (without saying it so they dont' have to feel embarrassed or ashamed or like their being pitied), and let them walk through the door themselves and initiate the talk.

Richey
 
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shining1 is offline shining1 Post #5  January 11,2011, 1:49pm
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Yikes been there done everything that I could,in a gentle caring way to help my boyfriend.I am a medical professional and he had ED-still does and I am sure major depression,along with.The old saying goes you can take the horse to water BUT you cannot make him drink.
His last girfriend got him to counselling(he never said for what)and he won't go there again saying all she did was berate him.
I finally threw in the towel 2 days ago(after 2years together) and while it breaks my heart I finally figured out I cannot do it for him-I cannot fix him he has to want this-realize his problems-all I was doing was enabling him to be morose/not see a doctor/not get viagra(he wont take pills)--He is 51 and I am 62-life is too precious to hope and wish and gently cajole--cheers and here is to a good day for all
 
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