sushine is offline sushine Post #1  January 8,2011, 7:08pm
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advice please , my partner of 20years is going through something not sure what??? with our carers over the years we both have moved across states for each others careers. so we have lived in to seperate places with a home base. a few years ago I moved 2 hrs away from our home base to be closer to home nearest i could get job wise. he applied for a postion elsewhere and moved north 3 hours. home on weekends. I felt he was very distant and was struggling with work, maybe suffering depression, found out he was friends with a women who had worked in his previous job. checked phone found texts with personel messages, photos. I spke to him he said that they were friends and had something in common as her husband was going through the same thing as he was. Hence the friendship etc.
We got through that bit I have just taken leave and moved home but he had put in for another job interstate which he was successful. he has again moved there. Home for xmas nice but but returned with discussion about future. Where to yes I know move on???
 
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annother is offline annother Post #2  January 8,2011, 8:11pm
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sushine wrote :
advice please , my partner of 20years is going through something not sure what??? with our carers over the years we both have moved across states for each others careers. so we have lived in to seperate places with a home base. a few years ago I moved 2 hrs away from our home base to be closer to home nearest i could get job wise. he applied for a postion elsewhere and moved north 3 hours. home on weekends. I felt he was very distant and was struggling with work, maybe suffering depression, found out he was friends with a women who had worked in his previous job. checked phone found texts with personel messages, photos. I spke to him he said that they were friends and had something in common as her husband was going through the same thing as he was. Hence the friendship etc.
We got through that bit I have just taken leave and moved home but he had put in for another job interstate which he was successful. he has again moved there. Home for xmas nice but but returned with discussion about future. Where to yes I know move on???
You have been together for 20 years, so presumably neither of you wants to trade that in for something uncertain.

You want to maintain your career but are willing to take time out to redevelop the relationship. He wants to maintain his career but wants to "discuss the future."

If the relationship with the other woman is over, then I don't think that factors in to this debate. However, I get the sense that you have some insecurities about this; if not that woman, then perhaps another.

I would say that if there is another woman, then you should seriously think about moving on. If not, then there is room to discuss an alternative living arrangement and/or career path.
 
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Pilgrim007 is offline Pilgrim007 Post #3  January 8,2011, 8:26pm
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Sunshine,

I’m sorry but this is unclear to me. I am not certain of your question. From what you say I do have doubts, but you have not given enough details--sorry.

YFR
 
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MrSmileyMan is offline MrSmileyMan Post #4  January 8,2011, 8:36pm
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Yeah I really don't know what exactly it is you're asking either.
 
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sushine is offline sushine Post #5  January 8,2011, 11:58pm
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He suffering from depression I am supporting he moves from home again to another job and state, home for xmas does not have any coversation I suppose it means it is over or is it he just wants some space to get through a rough patch? Do I allow him time to do or do I say see you later!!
 
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smileygirl is offline smileygirl Post #6  January 9,2011, 3:54am
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This is a 20 year relationship? You need to have a conversation, not just throw in the towel.
 
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Pilgrim007 is offline Pilgrim007 Post #7  January 9,2011, 7:09am
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sushine wrote :
He suffering from depression I am supporting he moves from home again to another job and state, home for xmas does not have any coversation I suppose it means it is over or is it he just wants some space to get through a rough patch? Do I allow him time to do or do I say see you later!!
I hate to give a simplistic answer. However, if you are happy with the relationship--give him time. If not it is time to go.

I expect more from my relationships but everyone is looking for something a little different. If this is your cup of tea then have a second cup.

Best of luck,

YFR
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #8  January 9,2011, 8:30am
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You are his "home base" woman and he moves around the country "stressed , "depressed" , distant and busy at work" . You of course realize he has "friends" where ever he moves. If you were the main or only person in his life, he would not deliberately move out of state continually to work and make "friends".........

Perhaps this arrangement works for you both after 20 years........do you have a "friend" who can provide you with a real and full time monogamous relationship where you are?

sushine wrote :
my partner of 20years is going through something ?

we have lived in to separate places with a home base.

he applied for a position elsewhere and moved north 3 hours. home on weekends. I felt he was very distant and was struggling with work, maybe suffering depression, found out he was friends with a women who had worked in his previous job. checked phone found texts with personal messages, photos.

We got through that bit I have just taken leave and moved home but

he had put in for another job interstate which he was successful. he has again moved there.
 
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LovelyLinda04 is offline LovelyLinda04 Post #9  January 11,2011, 5:03pm

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You seem to be caught between a rock and a hard place as the saying goes or your dammed, if you do and your dammed if you don't!

The problem is not his depression or his uncertain situation.
The problem is your indecision on what path to follow? Twenty years of life have transpired, so is this how you would like to spend the next twenty years or so?

I would arrange a consultation with an attorney and get an action plan in place, bring your checkbook and be prepared to give him a retainer. I would arrange a consultation with a psychologist for family and individual therapy for your guy. The lawyer falls into a fail safe of an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.

Good Luck,

L.L.
 
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