Annoyed and Overreacting or Legit?


Closed Thread
  • Page 1 of 3
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Cr031k is offline Cr031k Post #1  November 27,2010, 7:09pm
Cr031k's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Nov 2010

Posts: 3

See profile

I've had a girlfriend that I've known for the past 2 years. She moved in with me in June and has held several jobs due to the economy.
She was scraping by on unemployment until she found a part time job at a small cafe. She has now found a full time stable job at a dealership with benefits after 90 days.

She complains to me every day she hates her job and wants to quit. I'm no monster and tell her its fine to quit as long as she replaces it with another comparable paying full time job that pays the bills.
She has a car payment, insurance, phone, etc to pay.

I have had a stable full time job the past 5 years and landed a better full time job that pays twice as much.

Today, she told me she has an opportunity to possibly work 2 part time jobs (cafe and a gym) she thinks she will really like. Both pay less than her current full time job, No guaranteed hours per week, and I told her this was not a good idea. When she cant pay her bills, guess who she wants money from..I told her this is a bad bad idea but she seems to fight me on this tooth and nail.

Here's the big problem:
I have saved my own hard earned money the past 5 years to buy myself a big screen TV and an engagement ring (the latter half she doesnt know about)

She fired back at me "If you can afford a new TV, I can afford to have 2 part time jobs"

I thought this statement was VERY selfish considering I pay for our apartment, utilities, internet, groceries, etc. Her bills are under 600 per month. Mine are well over 2000 per month.

Apparently I can now afford to take care of her bad choices because she knows I make more money?

The way I'm seeing things, she's more interested in whats going to bring her instant satisfaction instead of doing whats actually reasonable and will keep her from being constantly broke.

It took her a long time to find a stable full time job. I told her if she is comfortable with taking jobs that pay less than her current one, maybe she should consider paying half the rent, utilities, groceries, etc. and see how hard that actually is.

Apparently I'm being a jerk. I think I'm being realistic.

So, am I over reacting or just being the adult here? I understand having a job you enjoy is important but there's also a matter of obligation and I don't feel I should have to help her pay her bills she accrued on her own or buy her a ton of stuff she could have afforded on her own but cant if she chooses to take the other low quality jobs.

Frustrated
Last edited by Cr031k; November 27,2010 at 7:15pm.
 
 
livenlearn is offline livenlearn Post #2  November 27,2010, 7:14pm
livenlearn's Avatar

Yay! spring has sprung.

Virtuoso

Joined: Dec 2009

cosmos

Posts: 3,439

See profile

I dont see your arguement as clearly as you do.
She seems to want work she likes to do.
This is not a bad thing. I would much rather work two jobs for less if I loved what I did too.
Seems its her personality you are not happy with. Not seeing it as selfish myself.
A happy person is much easier to live with then someone who makes money but hates the world because they are not happy.
 
 
Cr031k is offline Cr031k Post #3  November 27,2010, 7:25pm
Cr031k's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Nov 2010

Posts: 3

See profile

I think It's mainly her thinking that she expects me to pay her bills she insisted on getting when we were not together.

I understand the part about doing what you like, etc.. But.... Shes never even worked at a gym and she always complained to me about the people she worked with at her cafe and now she calims she doesnt hate it.

She gets upset when she cant afford anything yet wants to put herself in situations where she cant afford anything. Ive known her through several jobs. She talks them up highly then complains about them all.

She's never had the fortune of living on her own and seeing how hard it can be to live or pay bills. She's been a little miffed when I chose buying groceries to eat for the week over spending it all on a night out.
Last edited by Cr031k; November 27,2010 at 7:29pm.
 
 
VB_Girl is offline VB_Girl Post #4  November 27,2010, 7:41pm
VB_Girl's Avatar

is working hard for this vacation!

Power Poster

Joined: Feb 2009

Chicago

Posts: 6,946

See profile

Frankly she sounds very selfish. She needs to learn to live within her budget, not yours. You may want to hold off on giving her that engagement ring for a while.
 
 
1Horselady is offline 1Horselady Post #5  November 27,2010, 8:00pm
1Horselady's Avatar

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ALL THE MAY MEMBERS!

Virtuoso / Chit-Chat Board Leader

Joined: Jun 2008

Somewhere out there

Posts: 4,088

See profile

You're being an adult. And that has always had responsibilities, she's the one that is being unrealistic and immature.


Suzie PS, You have every right to be frustrated.


Suzie
 
 
livenlearn is offline livenlearn Post #6  November 27,2010, 8:01pm
livenlearn's Avatar

Yay! spring has sprung.

Virtuoso

Joined: Dec 2009

cosmos

Posts: 3,439

See profile

Cr031k wrote :
I think It's mainly her thinking that she expects me to pay her bills she insisted on getting when we were not together.

I understand the part about doing what you like, etc.. But.... Shes never even worked at a gym and she always complained to me about the people she worked with at her cafe and now she calims she doesnt hate it.

She gets upset when she cant afford anything yet wants to put herself in situations where she cant afford anything. Ive known her through several jobs. She talks them up highly then complains about them all.

She's never had the fortune of living on her own and seeing how hard it can be to live or pay bills. She's been a little miffed when I chose buying groceries to eat for the week over spending it all on a night out.
Sounds more like you have someone who is immature.

It would be far more productive if you used a little understanding of this instead of trying to find someone just to side with you and calling her selfish.
 
 
savman is offline savman Post #7  November 27,2010, 8:12pm
savman's Avatar

is back in the game

Virtuoso

Joined: Nov 2010

Blissville

Posts: 2,779

See profile

It sounds like the two of you think about money very differently. Money and career issues are huge in a marriage and I would sort them out before giving the engagement ring.
 
 
Cr031k is offline Cr031k Post #8  November 28,2010, 12:17am
Cr031k's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Nov 2010

Posts: 3

See profile

I guess this thread is a little pointless now. She didn't come home from work tonight. Come to find out, shes been messing around with another guy/guys.

I just spent the last 2 hours removing her belongings and placing them at the door for easy access for when she comes home.
Its the least I could do.

So.. umm.. Yeah.. I'm Gonna go and drink a chocolate milk and watch some Netflix or kill stuff on the xbox or something.. or shop for a new bed set... Hers is in the hallway.

I appreciate all the feedback I got from you guys. It did help and let me know I wasnt exactly crazy...
ouch
Last edited by Cr031k; November 28,2010 at 12:20am.
 
 
annother is offline annother Post #9  November 28,2010, 5:59am
annother's Avatar

Sage

Joined: Apr 2010

Alberta

Posts: 10,735

See profile

Wow~! This is very dramatic.

I was just about to write that you probably shouldn't get engaged, and then I got to your most recent post.

She is not only on a different page from you with respect to finances, she is also on a different page as regards fidelity. I am SO glad you put her stuff outside. Good for you!
 
 
VB_Girl is offline VB_Girl Post #10  November 28,2010, 6:05am
VB_Girl's Avatar

is working hard for this vacation!

Power Poster

Joined: Feb 2009

Chicago

Posts: 6,946

See profile

So sorry to hear she did that to you.
 
 
Closed Thread
  • Page 1 of 3
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3


« How Do You Deal With Dishonesty in a Relationship? | Relationships | Undecided »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“ ^This is the better plan.. My experience has been that love usually comes along when you least expect it, and when your heart is open enough to let it in. If you try to put a set time table on when ... ” –  TheThinker

Join the “Transition from dating to relationship” discussion

“ As Ingy mentions ...he's good with the lines and multitasking relationships.. All anyone can say is: don't get played again...especially by the same guy twice... Move on to someone who is decisive ... ” –  lynntlb78

Join the “Reuniting with EX” discussion

“This varies based on your age, gender, location, settings, and 29 dimensions. My settings are fairly narrow and I've always gotten a steady stream of matches. But, my location seems to have a lot ... ” –  dmi

Join the “Different Strategy” discussion

“I'm extremely allergic to cats, plus I just don't like 'em. So I won't date someone with cats. Dogs, I love. But I'm attracted to certain types of dogs. A guy with a little yorkie turns me off. ... ” –  ZisaGirl

Join the “What about a "PET BOX" ?? again this sounds simple or??” discussion

“If you get the opportunity, yes.” –  ThePriestess

Join the “Should I ever date in college?” discussion

“...and since you're Shaun Cassidy fan mitchell...this song is just for you! "Da Doo Ron Ron" I met her on a Monday And my heart stood still Da doo ron ron ron Da doo ron ron Somebody told me That ... ” –  legend29

Join the “Robin Gibbs Dead at 62...How Deep is Your Love?” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 9:49am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0