Just Sent out an E-mail Asking for His Thought on Engagement/Marriage

Nancy:

That's exactly what my mom says. It does worry me. But I am willing to work with him to make things better for us as long as I feel he wants the same. No one can foresee how things will be in 10 years. I only know now we make each other happy although neither of us is perfect.

Certainly an inspiring story, but I must say... This is the exact same thing that I started bashing the OP for when I first came into this thread.

I will briefly reiterate what I had said back then, in response to this: If a woman told me this, I would end things right then and there and never look back. And I am a guy who is honestly looking for a LTR and a woman to marry.

My question to you is: Why do you feel you need to set a marriage/proposal date when

a) You KNOW your time line is considered too fast by the majority of people
b) It's so damn early in a relationship (Seriously now, setting a marriage date 2 months into a relationship? It WREAKS of "woman with an agenda")

Do you think that by being so direct, you are weeding through the men who are unwilling to commit? If so, I respectfully disagree. I can't speak for all men, but I KNOW for myself that I am not afraid to commit... and yet I would not accept such a statement (even if I was comfortable with a marriage 1 year into a relationship, btw).

If anything, I'd say you're doing yourself a disservice. Because the only man I can imagine who would be willing to accept this, is one who is desperate for Love himself. Or a doormat. Take your pick.

I'm glad you also didn't ask him to quit his job and move across the country for you... Though I would not have been surprised, tbh. (HEY! By your logic, you could have made this request early in the relationship as well... THEN it would have been OK to do so).

Yes, I noticed the "bashing". It caused me to hesitate a day before entering the thread at all with my story, but I did eventually come to believe Daphnie could use a little encouragment that she was on the right track...for her.

Why did I feel the "need"? I'm alot older than you. I don't set my "timeline" or my "needs" by anybody else...don't look to anybody else's approval for what I do. Frankly, I don't really care that my "time line is considered too fast by the majority of the people"....nor do I care that it's "so damn early in a relationship".

I do what is right for me, plain and simple. I do what works for me.

You get to be you. I get to be me. It's the only thing we're really any good at.

As for "desperate" and a "doormat"...no. You haven't been here long...but I doubt there's many "old timers" like me that don't know...I like Marlboro Man, and he's no "doormat".

As for asking him to "quit his job and move across the country"...

...he asked me that, when he thought he might like to try something new up in Idaho. I agreed. Thankfully, he changed his mind...but I would have gone to the ends of the Earth for my Marlboro Man.

You may be a good guitar player...and I have always loved the Grateful Dead...but I think you should allow for people to be different from you. We "get" to do that.

j8a

I still don't understand the need for you to do it, and the root of my issue with it all is the fact that the way you state said time line to a potential partner, conveys the message of "This is what I want, and I don't care what you want... Do it, or we're done".

This is obviously a deal breaker for me... But again, to each their own. (I also realize I was very judgmental... My apologies! Sometimes I get carried away. Doesn't take long to come to my senses though, heh)

Not a need so much as a belief that it shouldn't take more than a year for a man to know whether he wants to marry me...or not. Not that I wouldn't care what they want...just that if we want different things, at different times...I'm old enough I wouldn't want to waste either my time...or his.

You're right about the "done" part, though...Even loving Marlboro Man as much as I did (and still do)...I would have been "done" if it hadn't resulted in marriage. A strong man deserves a strong woman.

Fair enough, then we shall agree to disagree.

I still don't understand the need for you to do it, and the root of my issue with it all is the fact that the way you state said time line to a potential partner, conveys the message of "This is what I want, and I don't care what you want... Do it, or we're done".

This is obviously a deal breaker for me... But again, to each their own. (I also realize I was very judgmental... My apologies! Sometimes I get carried away. Doesn't take long to come to my senses though, heh)

Harry you seem like a nice person so I'm not picking on you here, just trying to put it into terms that make sense...

your line of thinking is common, but it's also self absorbed

instead of understanding it has everything to do with the woman and HER needs and wants for her own future you think it has to do with putting pressure on YOU, an ultimatum to DO it or we are DONE. When really she is just stating that this is what she needs, and of course she would not be with you if she didn't see herself progressing in the same direction with you (to address the, she JUST wants to get married to ANYONE). Simply, she doesn't want to waste years with someone who is not interested in marriage.

It's about HER, it's about her time and her freedom.

IF you can't understand that look at the converse.

He's really saying DO THIS or we ARE DONE. And that's....wait....wait wait. She has to sacrified and wait, wait wait (while she could be free to find someone who WILL marry her). He's silently putting the ultimatum on her -- to walk or wait, wait wait with no guarntee it will be worth her wait, wait wait.

She's giving him a CHOICE. He's giving her nothing to hold on to.

In regards to his buddy's marital woes, he is actually worried that he may not live up to my expectations and he fears that I am settling.

Among all his concerns, only the part that I may have to quit my job seems valid to me. But I believe with communication and the will to be together, we can always find a middle ground.

(and you look pretty dapper yourself)