MicMan is online now MicMan Post #11  October 31,2010, 4:15pm
MicMan's Avatar

is living life to 83% of its normal capacity.

Board Leader - Sports

Joined: Feb 2009

Posts: 2,961

See profile

StuckOnYou wrote :
My father raised me to believe one should never play fast and loose with people's feelings, something I've taught my boys as well. Dating someone for whom you know you have no interest isn't just trampling on their feelings, it's potentially downright cruel.

IMO, decent people don't do things like this.
Agreed. It's just being a user of people.

I certainly hope that she's upfront with this and letting the guys make the decision as to whether or not they still want to go out with her. I also hope that if this is just a hobby, she's doing more than just investing her time in this.

Only the really, really desperate are going to keep putting up with this charade. My guess is she's getting hurt because people see through all of this and are calling her out on it and she doesn't want to face her own bad behavior.

There are plenty of ways to get out of the house, but I guess all of them aren't going to have the ego boost of manipulating someone else's emotions.
 
  Reply With Quote
VolGal is offline VolGal Post #12  October 31,2010, 7:19pm
VolGal's Avatar

Making New Memories

Enthusiast

Joined: Jan 2010

Deep South

Posts: 640

See profile

Interesting thread. I thought I was on the Advice Boards out of boredome, because I was NOT going out on any dates.

I really don't mean to insult or diminish what I get from these Boards, which is a lot. But this is where I hang out while I am waiting for life to happen.

And I do work, raise children, participate in politics, vote, pay bills, and have opinions.

I don't date out of boredom. I agree with all the posters before me that it just ain't right....
 
  Reply With Quote
chimerical is offline chimerical Post #13  November 1,2010, 12:38am
chimerical's Avatar

is an albino axolotl.

Virtuoso

Joined: Feb 2009

Arkansas

Posts: 4,154

See profile

There is such a thing as "casual dating," aka "dating for fun." That would seem to be the same thing as "dating to escape boredom."

I don't think I've ever seen "dating for fun" condemned on here.

The problem is, the word "bored" has negative connotations; the word "fun" does not.

I don't think there's anything wrong with dating in a "not serious" fashion, as long as you are clear with your date fairly early in the process that you are not looking for a serious relationship. Furthermore, I think it would be fair to say that many people who date for fun are also looking to have an open mind and give someone a chance, even if it is a slim chance. Who knows, maybe on one of those "just for fun" dates you will find out you really click with someone!
 
  Reply With Quote
Getting_There is offline Getting_There Post #14  November 1,2010, 9:37am
Getting_There's Avatar

Pacesetter

Joined: Aug 2010

Posts: 291

See profile

As for me I only go out with men I'm interested in. Dating doesn't come close to being a hobby for me. But hobbies help to pass the time when I'm in between dates!

Not sure how a man you're not interested in can hurt you? Could your current "dating as a hobby to pass time" approach actually be damaging you emotionally then or creating unneeded baggage?
 
  Reply With Quote
DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #15  November 1,2010, 10:11am
DancingFool's Avatar

Power Poster

Joined: Jan 2009

Posts: 5,750

See profile

Nothing wrong with dating casually and having some fun as long as both people are on the same page about it and not looking for anything serious. However, it sounds like at some point you get attached and then hurt because the guy stays true to keeping it casual.

So, if you know that you'll get attached, stay away from casual daters. If you are bored, go join some meet up groups, get a hobby, volunteer, socialize, do something with your time other than what you are doing now.
 
  Reply With Quote
TinkerBelle007 is offline TinkerBelle007 Post #16  November 3,2010, 10:02am
TinkerBelle00…'s Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Oct 2010

Posts: 47

See profile

It's not that I have no interest in them whatsoever. I think they are physically attractive and entertaining and we have chemistry. I just don't see myself with them in 5 years. I am a serial dater. I will spend time with men that I know I have no future long term relationship. I try to keep it friendly but it usually turns romantic at some point. I like them enough to go out and be friends, just not enough to have children and live happily ever after. How do I have relationships with men that I am interested in, but men I just don't like enough to live with? How do I keep my relationships with the opposite sex strictly friendly when he and I are both attractive? How do I keep from getting my feelings hurt by someone I don't like as a life partner? I can handle relationship issues with male friends that don't get romantic. It's when a male friend leaves "the friend zone" that I get hurt. When a friend leaves the friend zone, I find myself not liking them romantically.
 
  Reply With Quote
Sassafras54 is online now Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #17  November 3,2010, 10:19am
Sassafras54's Avatar

Your Community Coordinator

Moderator

Joined: Oct 2009

San Pedro, CA

Posts: 9,082

See profile

It sounds like you are not talking about what's usually called "casual dating" -- where you go out just to have fun, the 2 of you like each other, you both know it's not going to be longterm. And there's not a lot of emotional vulnerability. It's like a casual friendship, but with sexuality thrown in.

You seem to be casual dating, but with emotional vulnerability, so you can be hurt in these relationships.

I'm not sure that's really avoidable. Any relationship that includes vulnerability is going to include getting hurt sometimes. If you really don't want to get hurt, then don't become vulnerable in these relationships -- take steps to avoid that.

Does this make any sense to you? I'm a little confused by your posting so this could be completely meaningless! lol
 
  Reply With Quote
TinkerBelle007 is offline TinkerBelle007 Post #18  November 3,2010, 10:21am
TinkerBelle00…'s Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Oct 2010

Posts: 47

See profile

So how do I keep from getting attached to my male friends? How do I not let the intimate conversations lead me to wanting more intimate conversations? At a certain point, after sharing so much. how do I maintain a friendly relationship and not want more? I have male friends with whom I have intimate conversations that I have been able to maintain simply friends for 10 years. However, these friends and I have attempted and discussed furthering the relationship. Is this normal in your opinion? Perhaps I shouldn't worry about it and maybe it's natural for friends who share so much to be curious about thier potential as more. It's so scary b/c I don't want to loose my friends and it's so tempting to refer my close friends when thinking of romance.
Also, I find that when I am on a date with someone new that I need to go extra slow so that I can find out how much I like them so I know what the potential of our relationship will be. Often guys push, maybe to just get laid or maybe just because they are more confident about dating. So, I guess my problem is allowing a guy to be romantic before I am ready. How do I keep a potential romance in the "friend zone" until I am comfortable getting romantic when he keeps getting romantic? Thanks so much for your responses. It's nice and interesting to read your perceptions and opinions.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply
  • Page 2 of 2
  • 1
  • 2


« not ready to get married? | Relationships | A question about counting sexual partners »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
Born to.... singinggirl About You 19 September 5,2010 6:54pm
the Bible... sweetdestiny24 Christian Singles 49 May 24,2010 2:23pm
Critique my poetry: Kindergarten Baby Born in the Navy justme27 Creative Writing! 4 February 23,2010 7:57pm
Critique my poetry: Kindergarten Baby Born in the Navy justme27 Books 4 February 20,2010 9:12pm
Are women born this way? LizziePooh AAA Completely Stupid Conversations 17 June 11,2009 5:00am

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“ ^This is the better plan.. My experience has been that love usually comes along when you least expect it, and when your heart is open enough to let it in. If you try to put a set time table on when ... ” –  TheThinker

Join the “Transition from dating to relationship” discussion

“ As Ingy mentions ...he's good with the lines and multitasking relationships.. All anyone can say is: don't get played again...especially by the same guy twice... Move on to someone who is decisive ... ” –  lynntlb78

Join the “Reuniting with EX” discussion

“This varies based on your age, gender, location, settings, and 29 dimensions. My settings are fairly narrow and I've always gotten a steady stream of matches. But, my location seems to have a lot ... ” –  dmi

Join the “Different Strategy” discussion

“I'm extremely allergic to cats, plus I just don't like 'em. So I won't date someone with cats. Dogs, I love. But I'm attracted to certain types of dogs. A guy with a little yorkie turns me off. ... ” –  ZisaGirl

Join the “What about a "PET BOX" ?? again this sounds simple or??” discussion

“If you get the opportunity, yes.” –  ThePriestess

Join the “Should I ever date in college?” discussion

“...and since you're Shaun Cassidy fan mitchell...this song is just for you! "Da Doo Ron Ron" I met her on a Monday And my heart stood still Da doo ron ron ron Da doo ron ron Somebody told me That ... ” –  legend29

Join the “Robin Gibbs Dead at 62...How Deep is Your Love?” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 9:45am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0