What comes first, sex or monogamy? Also, guys how long will you wait?


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lillypad78 is offline lillypad78 Post #1  October 26,2010, 7:28pm
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I would like to hear your opinions on which you think should come first and why.

Also would like to know how long you will wait for a woman if you know she is less experienced than the average female, or if that even matters.
 
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PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #2  October 26,2010, 7:39pm

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lillypad78 wrote :
I would like to hear your opinions on which you think should come first and why.

Also would like to know how long you will wait for a woman if you know she is less experienced than the average female, or if that even matters.
In dating context, to me, sex would equal monogamy, unless both parties are up front about being open about it.

If she's less experienced, that's ok as long as she's willing to learn lol (heck, I've always been curious about page 37, so she and I can learn together! )
 
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M_M is offline M_M Post #3  October 26,2010, 7:42pm
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What is the question? You can be monogamous without having sex. You can have sex without being monogamous. As for me I will wait for marriage to have sex. But I think you will find that most men will not be willing to wait.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #4  October 27,2010, 5:37am
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I am certainly in the minority (definitely on these boards) but I am not having sex until there is an exclusive, committed monogamous relationship.

As for part two of your question. If your goal is to have an exclusive, committed, monogamous relationship then refraining from sex until you have achieved that type of relationship will weed out guys that are not similarly minded. A guy that is interested in sex early in the dating process is not going to stick around very long if he is not getting sex.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #5  October 27,2010, 5:46am
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PY_2 wrote :
If she's less experienced, that's OK as long as she's willing to learn lol (heck, I've always been curious about page 37, so she and I can learn together! )
I know that you were being a bit humorous with this but you have expressed a very important point (that escapes most on these boards). Until you and your mate have sex neither one of you have any experience, no matter how many other people you may have had sex with. You do not know how your partner wants to be touched and what turns them on, nor do they know that about you. It is all about both of you being willing to learn, be it page 37 or page 1, what the other wants.
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #6  October 27,2010, 6:19am

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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
Until you and your mate have sex neither one of you have any experience, no matter how many other people you may have had sex with. You do not know how your partner wants to be touched and what turns them on, nor do they know that about you.
IME, talking does wonders. so does paying attention.

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It is all about both of you being willing to learn, be it page 37 or page 1, what the other wants.
of course. but quite frankly- other than specific likes and dislikes, generally everyone operates the same.
 
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Sassafras54 is online now Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #7  October 27,2010, 9:25am
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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
I know that you were being a bit humorous with this but you have expressed a very important point (that escapes most on these boards). Until you and your mate have sex neither one of you have any experience, no matter how many other people you may have had sex with. You do not know how your partner wants to be touched and what turns them on, nor do they know that about you. It is all about both of you being willing to learn, be it page 37 or page 1, what the other wants.
I agree with this. ^^

scarlet13 wrote :
other than specific likes and dislikes, generally everyone operates the same.
^^ That's not my experience. I find that while there are "norms" people operate very differently on a physical level in general, including sexual. And if sex is an emotional experience, there are all the vagaries of emotion mixed in, also.

To answer the OP, I'm not interested in nonmonogamous sex, so monogamy comes first. For me, sex is emotional and mental as well as physical, and I can't/don't want to go there without some level of exclusivity.
 
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boschimsp is offline boschimsp — Advice Member-Moderator Post #8  October 27,2010, 9:27am
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I've definitely had it both ways but I PERSONALLY cannot do sex without monogamy unless I'm sure I don't want to be exclusive with that person. In other words, I know I only want something physical. If it's not the case, there's just too much potential hurt. I think every person is different with how long they are willing to wait. For me, I personally could never wait for marriage because I need to understand how sexually compatible I am with someone before committing, but that is just me.
 
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Harryoss is offline Harryoss Post #9  October 27,2010, 10:06am
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I find that I'm comfortable with either one coming first, but in my mind once one happens, it's time to discuss (or pursue) the other.

As for the experience question, I have no issues with lesser experienced women, nor would that be a turn off (or a turn on either) for me. Time-wise, the general waiting period for me that I'm most comfortable with would be anywhere from 1 to 3 months. Beyond that, it would probably call for some special circumstances that would require a case by case review :P
 
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BabyYoda is offline BabyYoda Post #10  October 27,2010, 11:47am
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lillypad78 wrote :
I would like to hear your opinions on which you think should come first and why.

Also would like to know how long you will wait for a woman if you know she is less experienced than the average female, or if that even matters.

Well, for me, there is no monogamy without intimacy. I would not agree to enter a monogamous relationship without being intimate with a woman. Just not going to happen for me. My relationships will be adult relationships based on balance.

Why? Because, a monogamous relationship without intimacy(verbal/physical) is a platonic relationship and I am not in the market in making new platonic female friends. I don't mind gaining a few friend if the parameters of the platonic friendship is mutual and all rules are in effect( going dutch when hanging out, respecting each other's space when in a relationship, etc.).

Lastly, I don't "wait" for anyone. What I will do is respect someone's wish to be intimate when she feels ready, but that doesn't mean I am agreeing to foresake others. So, I guess I am willing to wait(not pressure), but I am not going to miss out on any opportunities to be intimate with someone who wants to be intimate with me. In essence, a non-intimate interaction equals platonic friendship and I am free to date whoever I so choose(if the opportunity presents itself).

Oh, as for a woman being less experienced. Although I prefer someone who is experienced, doesn't mean that I will not deal with someone with less experience. So long as the less experienced woman is willing to learn and be better at being intimate, then I have no problem being patient, understanding and considerate of her lack of experience. Heck, she may even teach me a thing or two. lol

B.Y.
 
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