starrynigh80 is offline starrynigh80 Post #1  October 26,2010, 2:01pm
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Over the past little while my boyfriend of 8 months has started joking about seeing other women, saying things like that when we go on our seperate vacations next month that it is fair game b/c we are in other countries, etc. " at first I tried to take in stride because it does seem like he's just joking .... when I call him on it he says that I'm crazy if i actually think he would actually ever cheat, and he says he does it to get a reaction out of me.

Lately I've noticed that he's not calling so much, being as affectionate or even seeming as excited to see me. I've tried to explain that sometimes I just need some validation, but he always responds with a joke. Is it normal to joke about these things in a relationship?, or is this a sign that he's on his way out?
 
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Diana_P is offline Diana_P Post #2  October 26,2010, 2:37pm
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Does he usually continue to make jokes about things you don't think are funny?

He may be trying to "get a reaction out of you" to see how you respond to the idea of a break up or maybe just a cool down where you can see other people. If an open relationship isn't what you had in mind then it might be time to move on.
 
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lunabeach is offline lunabeach Post #3  October 26,2010, 2:38pm
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I've had guys say things like "I guess I'll ask my other girlfriend out" after I told them I couldn't do something. My response was, "Yes, I know, women want you." But it was always said in a joking way and seemed like an attempt to get a reaction (or some ego petting).

I'm curious to see what guys have to say/what other people's experiences have been.
 
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Harryoss is offline Harryoss Post #4  October 26,2010, 2:43pm
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Looking back to my days in a LTR, I can think of a few times where I've playfully joked about "my other girlfriend" with my girlfriend at the time. I never really meant anything by it, nor did I even do it to read her reaction.

Actually, now that I think about it, the only reason I can think of is that MAYBE I wanted to get her a little jealous, because I used to like the cute face she made when she was.
 
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chawks64 is offline chawks64 Post #5  October 26,2010, 3:22pm
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I wouldn't take it too seriously, especially since he outright says he wouldn't cheat.

If anything, I would venture a guess that he might be feeling insecure and wants to know it would bother you if he did cheat.

Just a thought...
 
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dietpepsi is offline dietpepsi Post #6  October 26,2010, 4:22pm
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Protect your heart and your sexual health!
 
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M_M is offline M_M Post #7  October 26,2010, 7:45pm
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These jokes are not funny adn could easily be hints at future action. Or current action. I'd be cautious.
 
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livenlearn is offline livenlearn Post #8  October 26,2010, 8:44pm
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This is not good.
It is said to listen because they will often give themselves away.
My ex joked he was psycho.
Guess what?
He wasnt lieing.
Last edited by livenlearn; October 26,2010 at 8:45pm. Reason: no joke
 
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javajava5 is offline javajava5 Post #9  October 27,2010, 3:06am
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Dear StarryNight80,

Welcome to eHarmony Advice (eHA) and thanks for posting.

It's cruel and unkind to joke about things the person doing so knows is hurtful to the person at whom it's directed.

In a loving relationship, the cruel joke has no place.

You see, love is about the other person and his or her well-being. That does not include jokes that hurt others. Really, it's a manipulative ploy where the person says whatever is hurtful, and then when the person is hurt, the other person rubs it in even more by saying, "Just joking! Ha Ha!" as if it were funny but it's not. It is cruel and designed to hurt the other person despite what people say.

You see, love isn't that way. It doesn't go out of it's way to hurt another. Here's what true love is:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."

I Corinthians 13: 4 - 8, Holy Bible, New International Version

Given what love is above, it is not normal to joke about these things that your boyfriend does in your relationship - it is evil (not good) and hurts you.

A person that loves another person would refrain from knowingly hurting that person after the person tells them that kind of joking is hurtful to them.

For your boyfriend not to stop shows great disrespect to you and also passive-aggressive behavior that he going to continue to hurt you because he wants to.

You see, with love there is security, stability, integrity, responsibility, and all those good things that uplift a relationship, not things that cause doubts, unrest, unhappiness, hurt, dissatisfaction, and so on.

If your boyfriend is not on his way out - which I suspect he is with the other clues he's been giving you - then I'd definitely send him on his way and not wait for him to do so.

You deserve to be treated with dignity and respect. He is showing you neither with his cruel, hurtful jokes that undermine your relationship with him.

This guy is NOT a keeper. Find a man who deeply respects you and exemplifies what true love is. True love does not engage in cruel jokes nor try to make the person feel guilty for not liking them as if something is wrong with the person.

Your guy is not going to change and he likes to keep you upset - otherwise he wouldn't continue to play his little game.

It's a prelude to dumping you is my belief. Beat him to it and end it with him as you simply cannot allow yourself to be treated with such disrespect and lack of dignity and devaluation of your feelings.

He thinks he can walk over you and ignore your wants and needs. He can't and since he's not responsive to what you've told him, the next step is to end it.

Keep in mind it's no loss and you'll feel much better not being made to feel badly much of the time.

Forgive him for his ill-behavior so you can heal and move on and look for a kindly man who is respectful and treats you the way you deserve to be treated.

Write and let us know how you're doing. It's better to let him go now before you get further attached and before he breaks your heart. He's told you what he plans to do even if he just says he's "joking." I don't believe for one moment that he is.

JavaJava5
 
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tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #10  October 27,2010, 3:14am
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I've joked about my other girlfriend and I also joke about her other boyfriend. But we get each other.
 
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