Frustrated with my history of relationships


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Volminator is offline Volminator Post #1  October 25,2010, 4:58am
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Hi, I'm 20 years old and I've never been on a date. It's just so frustrating seeing everyone else around me happily in love with another person, and even though I've never experienced a break up, I've never known the highs either. I always had this dream that I would have at least been on a date at some point in my high school years, I missed out on all that high school romance, and I know it usually doesn't go anywhere, but I wanted it. I had this dream of having a wife and kids before I turned 35 and now I'm honestly just not sure. I know I'm young, but it is so frustrating. I've always looked for that person that I could be with for the rest of my life, and maybe that has limited me, and I know I can be a picky person, but eventually you find someone that you at least try and date by the time you are 20. I've never even been kissed. So frustrating when it seems like everyone but yourself is in a relationship. And when I do go on my first date, how on earth do I explain myself. First date- no relationships, never been kissed, etc.
 
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Dafearon is offline Dafearon Post #2  October 25,2010, 8:05am
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You're..20.

My first real relationship wasn't until 21. High school relationships usually pan out to be nothing but novelty. Yes, I had a girlfriend in high school, and you know what, from today's perspective (me at 38), that dating was nothing more than hanging out for over a year and calling ourselves "in a relationship". The few dates beyond that, was just "going out" and doing something together very similar to anyone else I wasn't dating.

How you do it, is to just do it. The person I'm seeing, she didn't start dating till 28. And she's totally fine, despite what she thinks. She thinks just like you that her experience would hinder her. She's awesome. Another woman i dated, had never had a relationship at 34. She too, was fine.

You do not have to be perfect on a date, in fact, i advise against it really. It is those imperfections that make dating fun. There is no such thing as a perfect date or perfect person. You don't expect that of your dates, and your dates will not expect that of you. Just have fun with someone and allow yourself to feel and do not over-think everything.
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #3  October 25,2010, 11:15am
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Your dream is normal and very possible.

It does start with a first date, that's normal too.

Many people, not just young or inexperienced people, look around when they are lonely and everyone seems to be happily paired up, that's normal too.

Just take one step at a time..ask someone you like for a date, have fun...the rest will follow

Volminator wrote :
Hi, I'm 20 years old and I've never been on a date.
I had this dream of having a wife and kids before I turned 35
 
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Harryoss is offline Harryoss Post #4  October 25,2010, 2:19pm
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Don't be so hard on yourself OP. 20 and no dating experience isn't really that uncommon. And you don't have to be self conscious about it either. There's 2 issues here, and you're blowing both out of proportion:

- Firstly, You think you will never meet someone because you haven't yet. This is simply not true. BUT, realize that YOU have to make it happen for yourself. If you're nervous asking out girls, and yet have so many friends who are happily in love, why not ask some of these friends to set you up with one of their girlfriends or something? Or why not ask you guy friends for some helpful advice on how and where to approach girls? Bottom line being, it won't happen to you, you have to make it happen for yourself.

- And Secondly, you seem to think that past experiences rule how your current and future dates go. This is almost NEVER the case, and when it is... it's generally referred to as Baggage! No matter what your past experiences (or lack thereof) you need to learn to be contempt with it, and not let it dictate what happens for you in the future.

On a side note: What a person doesn't know, won't hurt them... When you do finally get a date, there's no need for you to jump straight into telling them how you have no experience whatsoever.
 
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YosemiteSam is offline YosemiteSam Post #5  October 25,2010, 2:26pm
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Are you unhealthy? Maybe prospective dates can sense it or it obvious. If you are over weight or something. Work on bettering yourself and dates will come. Don't be so hung up on it. You are only a kid.
 
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nancymargritangelita is offline nancymargritangelita Post #6  October 25,2010, 2:44pm
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You're only 20. If you want a wife and kids by the time you're 35, that means you've still got another 15 years to find someone.

Some people in high school are mature enough to enter into a serious relationship at that stage in their lives, but many aren't. Don't be too hard on yourself. Give yourself time to finish your education first (if that's what you're doing) or to get a good and steady job if that's more along your lines. You may not think so, but 20 is still a very young age. You've still got time to find the right person. Don't rush into anything.
 
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Diana_P is offline Diana_P Post #7  October 26,2010, 5:35pm
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It is no big deal that you are 20 and have never dated. There are a lot of girls out there who have never been on a date either. Sometimes even really attractive girls don’t get asked out very often because guys are afraid to approach them and get shot down, LOL!

Don’t take this the wrong way, but if you’ve never been on a date or in a relationship then you’ve never had your heart broken. You hear people talk about what it feels like, but you have no idea how much it can hurt so in a way you are lucky - - the only thing you’ve been missing out on is heartache, LOL.

But, if you think you are ready to jump in the dating pool the first thing you need to know is that there are sharks and piranha in their too! Believe it or not, sometimes strangers can give you better advice than your best friend. And, try to remember that things usually work out for the best.
 
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dietpepsi is offline dietpepsi Post #8  October 26,2010, 8:07pm
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Eh, that's normal.

Many, many years ago I was a HOT 20-yo girl and had been on like 2 dates.

My personal observation is that people blossom after college, take 2-5 years to experience the world on their own and to figure themselves out. Falling in love in your mid-twenties is the best thing - and timing - ever.

So don't worry about it. You've got a good 5-7 years to go!
 
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theprincessbride is offline theprincessbride Post #9  October 27,2010, 12:29pm
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Dafearon wrote :
You're..20.

My first real relationship wasn't until 21. High school relationships usually pan out to be nothing but novelty. Yes, I had a girlfriend in high school, and you know what, from today's perspective (me at 38), that dating was nothing more than hanging out for over a year and calling ourselves "in a relationship". The few dates beyond that, was just "going out" and doing something together very similar to anyone else I wasn't dating.

How you do it, is to just do it. The person I'm seeing, she didn't start dating till 28. And she's totally fine, despite what she thinks. She thinks just like you that her experience would hinder her. She's awesome. Another woman i dated, had never had a relationship at 34. She too, was fine.

You do not have to be perfect on a date, in fact, i advise against it really. It is those imperfections that make dating fun. There is no such thing as a perfect date or perfect person. You don't expect that of your dates, and your dates will not expect that of you. Just have fun with someone and allow yourself to feel and do not over-think everything.
Dafearon is giving you pretty good advice. I've had similar experiences, and the lack of dating experience on a partner was, 9 out of 10 times, a PLUS, not a minus. And PLEASE, when you go out on a date, just be yourself -- so NO, you shouldn't be "perfect," because if you are, instead of romance, there's BS brewing.
 
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numbertheorist is offline numbertheorist Post #10  October 28,2010, 9:57am
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Don't be.

Not everyone around you is blissfully in love, particularly in high school. Like you, I didn't date in high school. In fact, I didn't date in college, either.

I'm 34, and a year and a half ago I was single. I wasn't in any hurry to meet anyone, but it just happened. And that's the way it could happen with you. Don't hold your dating life to certain milestones. Doing that, you are sure to set yourself up for failure. Enjoy the process instead.

Best of luck to you on your search!
 
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