Frustrated with my history of relationships


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frogprince is offline frogprince Post #11  October 31,2010, 9:16pm
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Volminator wrote :
Hi, I'm 20 years old and I've never been on a date. It's just so frustrating seeing everyone else around me happily in love with another person, and even though I've never experienced a break up, I've never known the highs either. I always had this dream that I would have at least been on a date at some point in my high school years, I missed out on all that high school romance, and I know it usually doesn't go anywhere, but I wanted it. I had this dream of having a wife and kids before I turned 35 and now I'm honestly just not sure. I know I'm young, but it is so frustrating. I've always looked for that person that I could be with for the rest of my life, and maybe that has limited me, and I know I can be a picky person, but eventually you find someone that you at least try and date by the time you are 20. I've never even been kissed. So frustrating when it seems like everyone but yourself is in a relationship. And when I do go on my first date, how on earth do I explain myself. First date- no relationships, never been kissed, etc.
First off 20 isn't that old. I didn't date until I got to college. Different people mature at different ages. Most likely when you kiss a girl for the first time she won't know you haven't kissed before. I would loosen up your pickiness though. Most likely you aren't going to marry the first person you date. Go out have fun. You are only 20. I don't know anyone who was married at 20.
 
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Dafearon is offline Dafearon Post #12  November 1,2010, 12:39pm
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frogprince wrote :
First off 20 isn't that old. I didn't date until I got to college. Different people mature at different ages. Most likely when you kiss a girl for the first time she won't know you haven't kissed before. I would loosen up your pickiness though. Most likely you aren't going to marry the first person you date. Go out have fun. You are only 20. I don't know anyone who was married at 20.
I knew plenty of people who got married at 20. They're all divorced now. Except for one.
 
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dovegirl is offline dovegirl — Advice Member-Moderator Post #13  November 1,2010, 5:41pm
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I didn't date until I was out of college...I think I got my first kiss when I was 23. I made up for lost time though, and now at 27 I have more experience than my current boyfriend. In fact, I gave him his first kiss (when he was 22, in point of fact). My point is, a lot can happen in a few years, so if your goal is 35 you still have plenty of time. My relationships now in my mid-late twenties are a lot deeper than they were in my early twenties. So I would say don't get caught up on that fact that all your friends are "in love". They probably aren't, really. Just start putting yourself out there.
 
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TryingHardToNotTrySoHard is offline TryingHardToNotTrySoHard Post #14  November 2,2010, 8:30am
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As someone who didn't start dating until days before I turned 29, I know very well what you're going through. I agree with Harryoss and Dafearon.

I don't know how you come across, but if you are in real life how you sound on here, women can tell, and there are few things that are bigger turnoffs than desperation. If you focus on your singleness, the message you're sending is, "I'm not good enough if I don't have a woman in my life." What women want is a man who is man enough without them. Most women (all those who aren't desperate for attention) would rather join you for an adventure than be the adventure.

The way I finally got over my desperation is that I pushed my need for someone to the backburner and got involved heavily in my church. Don't bury yourself in a job or hobby to avoid the situation; but dive in trusting that you can find fulfillment in life outside a relationship. Once you can do that, the relationships will come naturally.
 
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livinagin is offline livinagin Post #15  November 2,2010, 7:11pm
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It is interesting. Having been on the boards for a while now and gone through what everyone else has gone through, it is easy to look back and see where I have been. And that may sound like a lot of gooble-de-gook, but the two or three years I have been on eHa, I have gotten some solid advice. And that is what I am reading again tonight.

When you (not you in particular, but you as in general audience), feel that you are not worthy, or have confidence issues or whatever, that comes across . . . even on the boards. And it is the awesome duty of every single member to gently bring people to the light of becoming self-aware.

Even if you read it someplace else first, it bears repeating again . . and again. And that is because it is true . . . that no one can give you happiness. That is something only you can give yourself. And it is a challenge worth the undertaking because the rewards are well worth the effort.

And every effort starts with a simple step . . . forward. Good luck.
 
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livinagin is offline livinagin Post #16  November 3,2010, 2:12pm
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I got modded last night . . . no good explanation for why (is there ever?)

But I was on a roll and I thought what I said was worth a "bump"
 
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