JackAfrica is offline JackAfrica Post #21  October 27,2010, 1:55pm

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texpete wrote :
I caught my wife having an affair with a much older coworker. I was shocked because we socialized with he and his wife. It caught me off guard since we rarely argued over anything significant. (No money issues, children, or religion etc. There obviously was something although she never did explain it.)
Infidelity is a character issue. In my opinion if you were unhappy the time for counseling was then. If you had feelings for someone else leave then act on them. In my case a day after I caught her I told her to get out, and filed for divorce. She wanted to go to counseling but I don't believe counseling fixes character. Harsh? Not at all. I choose to handle the issue without letting my emotions and ego get in the way. I hope he does the same. I totally disagree with doing this in counseling or with a minister. I would take that as an ambush by people who are taking sides. You owe him the privilege of dealing with this in private. Everyone is implying he is violent even though you don't give any examples. If he is violent you will need to deal with thar fear forever, not just one day. Your actions will have consequences, time to accept that.
This is THE money post ^
All the girly handwringing and blame shifting in the other posts onto your husband is pathetic.
 
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Homewardbound is offline Homewardbound Post #22  October 29,2010, 8:35am
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You think maybe deep down that because you were seeing this other man that's why the fights have been going on with your current husband...I don't support cheating in any way shape or form I've been on both ends of it and can tell you it doesn't work out for ANYONE. If your not happy with your husband...you should have tried to work it out. You should have been and adult about it told him you weren't happy and moved on...living a lie is only going to hurt everyone in the long run.
 
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38sexydiva is offline 38sexydiva Post #23  October 29,2010, 9:40am
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make all your wishes come true,dream big ,work hard it'll happen.

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i think it was clint black who sang,'these rose coloured glasses,that i'm looking through, show only the beauty, cause they hide all the truth'.find yourself,you got lost in emotions,we all make mistakes,like javajava5 said,try to save your marriage before walking out,you must have had a good reason to say 'i do' find out what it was and start from there,and i agree the grass is definitly NOT greener on the other side,in the popular words of one of our bahamian singers'look what ya ga get,when ya tired a what ya gat',you know what you have,there's no guarantee what you're getting,i say pray...
 
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robv_la is offline robv_la Post #24  November 1,2010, 6:56pm
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Well if you are honest about your situations there are basically two paths in front of you:

1) Pursue this new relationship, ending two marriages, and somehow end up supporting a guy when you don't even work. Hmm, sounds like a bad situation.

2) Decide what to do with your current marriage (leave or work on it) and end the affair. Messy too, reconciliation doesn't always work and divorce is ugly. But at least it eventually leads to building your own life.
 
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TinkerBelle007 is offline TinkerBelle007 Post #25  November 3,2010, 10:49am
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Since your in love with someone else it seems your marriage is past the point of marriage counseling. You may want to try it anyway for closure. Since you have children, I would suggest that you let your spouse know what you are lacking in your relationship and what you need that you are not getting. Communication is the only requirement for a relationship. You owe it to your children to have a civil relationship with your spouse. Seek professional help and family counseling to stop and soothe the fighting at home. You either need a divorce or you need to put 100% into your marriage. What is it that this other person does for you that your spouse isn't doing? You should tell your spouse what you need and how you need it. Do not try to make your spouse feel bad about your infidelity. It is your fault that you are cheating. It is your fault for not communicating to your spouse that your relationship is not fulfilling you.
 
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howardtheduck is offline howardtheduck Post #26  November 3,2010, 11:34am
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Ok, no shoes dropping, just enjoying the present...

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What a great situation... Words can't accurately define what I am not thinking, but, either way, sorry for my total lack of compassion.
 
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