I'm a newbie...help me out


Reply
  • Page 1 of 2
  • 1
  • 2
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
scoutlynn is offline scoutlynn Post #1  September 8,2010, 6:48am
scoutlynn's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Sep 2010

Posts: 5

See profile

Hi! I've been lurking a bit and finally need some advice! I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years and generally, we have a great relationship. I'm a little bummed right now and I'm wondering how much (if at all) this would get to you as well.

For a few months we've been planning a trip to Colorado. I admit that it was my idea and I've been doing most of the leg work for this trip, but it's a camping/hiking trip, not too much to really plan. We were to leave this Friday (day after tomorrow). Something came up with his family, so we aren't leaving till Sunday. Last night he tells me that he got a call and construction on a new pole building can start next week. He needs to be home for that, and it needs to be completed before a frost sets in. So, he's calling off the trip. Actually, he says he knows how much I'm looking forward to the trip, so we can go...but I know he'll be soooooo stressed. We can't postpone the trip (at least for the near future because of commitments we already have on the calendar), we really can't postpone the pole barn either.

I can't tell you how disappointed I am. It's our only vacation this year! I'm trying not to read more into this...so, do you think there's more to this? Or is it really just bad timing?
 
  Reply With Quote
Can_I_just_be_Jo is offline Can_I_just_be_Jo Post #2  September 8,2010, 7:09am

blames self-help books

Power Poster

Joined: Oct 2009

STL

Posts: 4,879

See profile

I just sounds like really bad timing to me. You sound disappointed and I am sure he is disappointed as well. This economy has got the guys stressed even when they have good stable jobs. My boyfriend has a great job and total job security, still when jobs pop up out of town he just does them. Yeah they could get someone else to do them but he knows he is the best man for the job. He looks at it as protecting his employer I guess.

My point is that we can't even plan a vacation together right now and if we did it could be canceled as yours was. It is hard but I am pretty sure he wouldn't have done it unless he had to.

Try to explain your feelings but in a way that shows you understand where he is coming from. You need to communicate and walls don't help that process.

Good luck.
 
  Reply With Quote
astro42 is offline astro42 Post #3  September 8,2010, 7:11am
astro42's Avatar

Veteran

Joined: Aug 2010

Chicago

Posts: 1,749

See profile

From what you write in your post, it's really impossible for us to say here.

I certainly understand being disappointed. I'd be really bummed too.

That said, I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt. If you really do have a good relationship otherwise, then I would say that it's probably bad timing.

You might not get to go to Colorado, but is there room on the calendar for a smaller vacation after the pole barn (what is that?) goes up? Or, could you modify the trip to Colorado to make him less stressed? Even if you go somewhere completely different, you can have fun with little planning. It'll be an adventure.
 
  Reply With Quote
DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #4  September 8,2010, 7:29am
DancingFool's Avatar

Power Poster

Joined: Jan 2009

Posts: 5,750

See profile

I can understand your disappointment, however this just seems like a whole lot of really bad timing that simply can't be helped even by your own admission.

I love to travel, but the reality is that life and responsibilities and obligations often get in the way of it. Sometimes you just have to buckle down and deal with it. By the way, do you have a friend who can go with you? May still be a fun trip for you and your bf may feel less bad for having to cancel things knowing how much you wanted to go.
 
  Reply With Quote
Sassafras54 is online now Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #5  September 8,2010, 10:42am
Sassafras54's Avatar

Your Community Coordinator

Moderator

Joined: Oct 2009

San Pedro, CA

Posts: 9,081

See profile

If I'd been with someone for 3 years and he had to cancel a vacation, I'd be big-time disappointed, and I might wonder whether he didn't really want to go on the trip, but that would be about it. And given the economy etc. I'd believe he just couldn't go right now.

You say you "admit" you did the planning for the trip, and you sense there might be some bigger issue here -- what are you wondering about? If you get more specific perhaps we can do some reality-checking with you? There might be some Thing going on, or might not be.
 
  Reply With Quote
Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #6  September 8,2010, 10:51am
Wiseman2's Avatar

Power Poster

Joined: May 2009

Posts: 6,313

See profile

Hi scoutlynn He's calling off the trip or "he says we can go"? but not giving you a choice because he will be too stressed?
Understand your disappointment, however, he is asking you to cancel, so that he can take this job, no?
Sounds like he wants your blessings to go for the job rather than the trip, and yes he would resent if if he had to go.

Does he have a habit of blowing plans off, or is this a one time or new thing? that would be the deciding factor. If he is always unreliable, that's one thing, but if something really comes up this once, then a little slack is in order
scoutlynn wrote :
Last night he tells me that he got a call and construction on a new pole building can start next week. He needs to be home for that, and it needs to be completed before a frost sets in. So, he's calling off the trip.
Actually, he says he knows how much I'm looking forward to the trip, so we can go...but I know he'll be soooooo stressed.
 
  Reply With Quote
RoxyRedhead is offline RoxyRedhead Post #7  September 8,2010, 12:44pm

Unregistered

Joined: May 2009

Northwest

Posts: 3,239

See profile

Thats life..if it is the worse thing that happens in your relationship, count yourself lucky.

I can't remember the number of plans, vacations and concerts, parties and other events that have been cancelled because something came up.

He needs the job, the weather is an issue and reality is that he wouldn't enjoy himself thinking about the work he was missing if he were to go.

So do you force the issue? Make it more than it really is? Nah. I wouldn't. It's only a camping trip and Colorado is going to be there next year. You have time to cancel your reservations and so forth so I suggest you give in gracefully here and take the pressure off the guy.

And maybe, next trip, include him more in the plans so he will have more of an investment emotionally.

Just thought of this....I had reservations tickets etc for a trip to Costa Rica 2 years ago January that had to be cancelled because I went into renal failure....and I love Costa Rica! Trips get cancelled when life steps in.
 
  Reply With Quote
javajava5 is offline javajava5 Post #8  September 9,2010, 12:38am
javajava5's Avatar

Virtuoso

Joined: Dec 2007

Posts: 3,320

See profile

Very good advice, RoxyRedhead and I really liked your sharing Can_I_Just_Be_Jo!

It helps to know others have these types of things arise.

Dear ScoutLynn,

I'm so sorry this happened and for your disappointment. Life does consist of valleys and mountain-top experiences, and though you may be in the valley now, it won't always be that way.

I wouldn't read anything into it at all. Sounds like schedules changed, work got pushed forward, the vacation got pushed backwards, and it was just enough to throw everything off kilter.

It's very nice and good of you not to put the pressure on your boyfriend to make a quick trip that would be rather distracting to him with the work he's got to do which sounds like a good bit of physical labor.

He might be sore from hiking, back-packing and such or even suffer an injury, so it is best he be rested to start work on the barn.

You're very thoughtful for thinking of him first and his situation. That's what love is all about.

Wishing you well. I imagine your boyfriend will find a way to make it up to you when the timing is right.

By the way, welcome to eHarmony Advice (eHA) and thanks for posting.

JavaJava5
 
  Reply With Quote
scoutlynn is offline scoutlynn Post #9  September 9,2010, 6:58am
scoutlynn's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Sep 2010

Posts: 5

See profile

Thanks guys. This isn't a regular thing for him...blowing off a trip, although the trips that have been blown off have been the trips I've planned (this is only the 2nd time it's happened). I'm disappointed because this is my only week of vacation for the year, I have the week off, and using it to cut down trees isn't my idea of a vacation.
 
  Reply With Quote
Sassafras54 is online now Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #10  September 9,2010, 8:59am
Sassafras54's Avatar

Your Community Coordinator

Moderator

Joined: Oct 2009

San Pedro, CA

Posts: 9,081

See profile

Can you change your vacation schedule?

If not, then find other things to do that will be fun for you during that week. Trees can be cut down later.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply
  • Page 1 of 2
  • 1
  • 2


« Should she agree to have his baby? | Relationships | Men I need your help. What is chemistry and why do guys make us feel terrible by saying we have no chemistry after 1-2 dates? »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
Friday Night Newbie Sock Hop! AndieIsMe Dating 46 August 13,2010 7:45pm
Newbie Aloha21 Ask a Dating Expert 6 April 20,2010 7:51pm
Dating newbie needs help! :-) TSN419 Dating 19 April 6,2010 2:33pm
Saturdat Night Roll Call - Newbie Edition !!! D_Lion Dating 163 March 22,2010 7:13am
Assessing the Newbie Dater LavenderFields Dating 42 December 6,2009 11:09pm

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“ ^This is the better plan.. My experience has been that love usually comes along when you least expect it, and when your heart is open enough to let it in. If you try to put a set time table on when ... ” –  TheThinker

Join the “Transition from dating to relationship” discussion

“ As Ingy mentions ...he's good with the lines and multitasking relationships.. All anyone can say is: don't get played again...especially by the same guy twice... Move on to someone who is decisive ... ” –  lynntlb78

Join the “Reuniting with EX” discussion

“This varies based on your age, gender, location, settings, and 29 dimensions. My settings are fairly narrow and I've always gotten a steady stream of matches. But, my location seems to have a lot ... ” –  dmi

Join the “Different Strategy” discussion

“I'm extremely allergic to cats, plus I just don't like 'em. So I won't date someone with cats. Dogs, I love. But I'm attracted to certain types of dogs. A guy with a little yorkie turns me off. ... ” –  ZisaGirl

Join the “What about a "PET BOX" ?? again this sounds simple or??” discussion

“If you get the opportunity, yes.” –  ThePriestess

Join the “Should I ever date in college?” discussion

“...and since you're Shaun Cassidy fan mitchell...this song is just for you! "Da Doo Ron Ron" I met her on a Monday And my heart stood still Da doo ron ron ron Da doo ron ron Somebody told me That ... ” –  legend29

Join the “Robin Gibbs Dead at 62...How Deep is Your Love?” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 9:39am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0