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jlee jlee is offline
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I met a wonderful man whom I have fallen in love with. I'm afraid to express my emotions. He told me he cares for me deeply but no "I love you" yet. Should I wait to see what developes and wait for him to say it first? We have been dating on a regular basis for five months now and we are very close. We talk everyday and see one another 2 to 3 days a week. I have meet his friends and some family members. Any suggestions would be appreciated!
- June 8th, 2008, 11:31 am
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BSchorr BSchorr is offline
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I'm reminded of the story of the truck drivers in the mountainous country who decided that in order to better see oncoming trucks around the upcoming curve at night they would turn their headlights off so they could see the lights of the other truck. So they all started driving withtheir headlights off...


I don't like to play games. If you're sure you love him then you should tell him so. It's been five months, it's not like you're rushing at him on the 2nd date. He may reciprocate. He may not. But if you want to tell him, then tell him. Maybe he's shy and doesn't want to be the one to tell you first.


-B-
- June 8th, 2008, 11:49 am
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DennisWisconsin DennisWisconsin is offline
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..........
Last edited by DennisWisconsin; December 2nd, 2009 at 09:43 am.
- June 8th, 2008, 12:15 pm
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dubistdu dubistdu is offline
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BSchorr wrote :




I don't like to play games. If you're sure you love him then you should tell him so.
I don't like to play game because I suck at it. I don't know the rules and I don't even know how to play it.


So I thought honesty would be the best policy and I will just be myself....and.....well I didn't say I love him but expressed my interest.


Then he lost interest in me. Before I had any interest in him he sent me endless mesages, emails, with sweetest words possible.


Then I talked to my girl friends about this andall theiranswer was....


"J*******, you need to play the game. All the guys say they don't like games but they play it.


That's the only way to get a guy"


Well, too bad, I'm doomed. I suck at the game. Someboy please write out a rule book and hand it to me. Then I will know.


So... me, no, I will never say it first. Cuz.... Im chicken and if it's a game that I am destined to not win, I will at least reserve my feeling.
- June 8th, 2008, 12:47 pm
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jayjay jayjay is online now
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jlee...in general I'd think that after dating and being close for 5 months if a man isn't telling you that he loves you he is either inhibited in general about expressing such emotions or else (perhaps more likely) is isn't in love with you and may very well never be. Since this is an "advice" column...mine is to talk with him directly about this, If this is the case you'd be better off to end it now than after another year or two goes by.
- June 8th, 2008, 12:59 pm
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flgal flgal is offline
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dubistdu wrote :

BSchorr wrote :





I don't like to play games. If you're sure you love him then you should tell him so.


I don't like to play game because I suck at it. I don't know the rules and I don't even know how to play it.


So I thought honesty would be the best policy and I will just be myself....and.....well I didn't say I love him but expressed my interest.


Then he lost interest in me. Before I had any interest in him he sent me endless mesages, emails, with sweetest words possible.


Then I talked to my girl friends about this andall theiranswer was....


"J*******, you need to play the game. All the guys say they don't like games but they play it.


That's the only way to get a guy"


Well, too bad, I'm doomed. I suck at the game. Someboy please write out a rule book and hand it to me. Then I will know.


So... me, no, I will never say it first. Cuz.... Im chicken and if it's a game that I am destined to not win, I will at least reserve my feeling.
Or, maybe that's the way to get a guy who likes to play games. You could've let him continue to send endless messages and e-mails, full of the sweetest words possible, but absolutely no substance. However, you chose to be honest with him about your feelings, and he chose to move on and find someone else to play games with. At a minimum, he could've thanked you for your honesty and let you know that he's not sure if he's ready to "move forward" with the relationship.


My advice is to be yourself. If you're not a game player, you're not a game player. Don't try to be something you're not. You may have to go through a few game players before you find someone who's genuine, but isn't it worth it?


Good luck!


~ C
- June 8th, 2008, 01:20 pm
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DaGirl01 DaGirl01 is offline
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Yes, You should wait for the man to say it first beccause that's a sure way to let you know that your feelings are mutual if you already love him and are afraid to tell him. I am 30 years old and It always worked for me. Never let a man know how deep your feeling are for him until he tells you, then after that you can finally let it out!
- June 8th, 2008, 01:23 pm
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BSchorr BSchorr is offline
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dubistdu wrote :

BSchorr wrote :





I don't like to play games. If you're sure you love him then you should tell him so.


I don't like to play game because I suck at it. I don't know the rules and I don't even know how to play it.


So I thought honesty would be the best policy and I will just be myself....and.....well I didn't say I love him but expressed my interest.


Then he lost interest in me. Before I had any interest in him he sent me endless mesages, emails, with sweetest words possible.


Then I talked to my girl friends about this andall theiranswer was....


"J*******, you need to play the game. All the guys say they don't like games but they play it.


That's the only way to get a guy"
FLGal, as usual, is right. Playing games is the way to get game-players. If you want a guy who doesn't play games, and there are some of us out there, then don't play games.


When a woman plays hard to get with me it doesn't make me more interested. It makes me wonder if she's really worth the effort. Sometimes I decide she's not and that I'd rather spend my time with somebody who actually returns my calls and shows some interest.


I *LIKE* it when a woman I like tells me she likes me too. And if I don't like her then I wouldn't be out with her to begin with.


If your dream guy is a guy who wanders away when you express sincere emotion to him then by all means...play some games and catch yourself that guy. If, on the other hand, you want a guy who smiles and kisses you when you tell him you care about him then...


-B-
- June 8th, 2008, 01:53 pm
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kim9610 kim9610 is offline
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BSchorr wrote :

If you're sure you love him then you should tell him so. It's been five months, it's not like you're rushing at him on the 2nd date. He may reciprocate. He may not. But if you want to tell him, then tell him. Maybe he's shy and doesn't want to be the one to tell you first.


-B-
I agree, if you're ready say you love him, tell him.
- June 8th, 2008, 03:37 pm
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Glider_Pilot Glider_Pilot is offline
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I'm absolutely in the "tell him if you feel it" camp. Hiding it is just another game.


Here's a tip, though, and an important one:


Make the moment comfortable for him, and don't allow it to put pressure on him to say it back. Maybe he's not quite there yet.


Tell him, but make it light and fun. Don't make it a hugely serious event, where you tell him and then stop and look in his eyes and wait for a response. I know you want to hear it back, but let him decide upon the right time for him to say it, too. If he's not quite there yet, and you turn your "I love you" into something that feels like he's trapped into saying it also, he's likely to back away from your relationship.He has the right to say it on his own terms.


Love is supposed to be fun. Tell him you love him in a fun, light way, and likely he'll be saying it back to you sooner than you might think.
- June 8th, 2008, 03:47 pm
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