Should you wait for the man to say I love you first?


Reply
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
jlee is offline jlee Post #1  June 8,2008, 10:31am
jlee's Avatar

Quick Study

Joined: Jan 2008

Phoenix, Arizona

Posts: 120

See profile



I met a wonderful man whom I have fallen in love with. I'm afraid to express my emotions. He told me he cares for me deeply but no "I love you" yet. Should I wait to see what developes and wait for him to say it first? We have been dating on a regular basis for five months now and we are very close. We talk everyday and see one another 2 to 3 days a week. I have meet his friends and some family members. Any suggestions would be appreciated!
 
  Reply With Quote
BSchorr is offline BSchorr Post #2  June 8,2008, 10:49am
BSchorr's Avatar

is enjoying the view from this cloud.

Veteran

Joined: Feb 2008

Flagstaff, Arizona

Posts: 1,176

See profile



I'm reminded of the story of the truck drivers in the mountainous country who decided that in order to better see oncoming trucks around the upcoming curve at night they would turn their headlights off so they could see the lights of the other truck. So they all started driving withtheir headlights off...


I don't like to play games. If you're sure you love him then you should tell him so. It's been five months, it's not like you're rushing at him on the 2nd date. He may reciprocate. He may not. But if you want to tell him, then tell him. Maybe he's shy and doesn't want to be the one to tell you first.


-B-
 
  Reply With Quote
DennisWisconsin is offline DennisWisconsin Post #3  June 8,2008, 11:15am
DennisWiscons…'s Avatar

Milwaukee

Power Poster

Joined: Jun 2008

Milwaukee

Posts: 5,720

See profile

..........
Last edited by DennisWisconsin; December 2,2009 at 8:43am.
 
  Reply With Quote
dubistdu is offline dubistdu Post #4  June 8,2008, 11:47am
dubistdu's Avatar

confused..

Quick Study

Joined: May 2008

Posts: 235

See profile

BSchorr,135179 wrote :




I don't like to play games. If you're sure you love him then you should tell him so.
I don't like to play game because I suck at it. I don't know the rules and I don't even know how to play it.


So I thought honesty would be the best policy and I will just be myself....and.....well I didn't say I love him but expressed my interest.


Then he lost interest in me. Before I had any interest in him he sent me endless mesages, emails, with sweetest words possible.


Then I talked to my girl friends about this andall theiranswer was....


"J*******, you need to play the game. All the guys say they don't like games but they play it.


That's the only way to get a guy"


Well, too bad, I'm doomed. I suck at the game. Someboy please write out a rule book and hand it to me. Then I will know.


So... me, no, I will never say it first. Cuz.... Im chicken and if it's a game that I am destined to not win, I will at least reserve my feeling.
 
  Reply With Quote
jayjay is offline jayjay Post #5  June 8,2008, 11:59am
jayjay's Avatar

...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

Sage

Joined: Jun 2008

Brownsville, TX

Posts: 10,932

See profile



jlee...in general I'd think that after dating and being close for 5 months if a man isn't telling you that he loves you he is either inhibited in general about expressing such emotions or else (perhaps more likely) is isn't in love with you and may very well never be. Since this is an "advice" column...mine is to talk with him directly about this, If this is the case you'd be better off to end it now than after another year or two goes by.
 
  Reply With Quote
flgal is offline flgal Post #6  June 8,2008, 12:20pm
flgal's Avatar

enjoying the last day of summer break!

Enthusiast

Joined: Mar 2008

Florida

Posts: 899

See profile

dubistdu,135241 wrote :

BSchorr,135179 wrote :





I don't like to play games. If you're sure you love him then you should tell him so.


I don't like to play game because I suck at it. I don't know the rules and I don't even know how to play it.


So I thought honesty would be the best policy and I will just be myself....and.....well I didn't say I love him but expressed my interest.


Then he lost interest in me. Before I had any interest in him he sent me endless mesages, emails, with sweetest words possible.


Then I talked to my girl friends about this andall theiranswer was....


"J*******, you need to play the game. All the guys say they don't like games but they play it.


That's the only way to get a guy"


Well, too bad, I'm doomed. I suck at the game. Someboy please write out a rule book and hand it to me. Then I will know.


So... me, no, I will never say it first. Cuz.... Im chicken and if it's a game that I am destined to not win, I will at least reserve my feeling.
Or, maybe that's the way to get a guy who likes to play games. You could've let him continue to send endless messages and e-mails, full of the sweetest words possible, but absolutely no substance. However, you chose to be honest with him about your feelings, and he chose to move on and find someone else to play games with. At a minimum, he could've thanked you for your honesty and let you know that he's not sure if he's ready to "move forward" with the relationship.


My advice is to be yourself. If you're not a game player, you're not a game player. Don't try to be something you're not. You may have to go through a few game players before you find someone who's genuine, but isn't it worth it?


Good luck!


~ C
 
  Reply With Quote
DaGirl01 is offline DaGirl01 Post #7  June 8,2008, 12:23pm
DaGirl01's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Jun 2008

Detroit

Posts: 1

See profile



Yes, You should wait for the man to say it first beccause that's a sure way to let you know that your feelings are mutual if you already love him and are afraid to tell him. I am 30 years old and It always worked for me. Never let a man know how deep your feeling are for him until he tells you, then after that you can finally let it out!
 
  Reply With Quote
BSchorr is offline BSchorr Post #8  June 8,2008, 12:53pm
BSchorr's Avatar

is enjoying the view from this cloud.

Veteran

Joined: Feb 2008

Flagstaff, Arizona

Posts: 1,176

See profile

dubistdu,135241 wrote :

BSchorr,135179 wrote :





I don't like to play games. If you're sure you love him then you should tell him so.


I don't like to play game because I suck at it. I don't know the rules and I don't even know how to play it.


So I thought honesty would be the best policy and I will just be myself....and.....well I didn't say I love him but expressed my interest.


Then he lost interest in me. Before I had any interest in him he sent me endless mesages, emails, with sweetest words possible.


Then I talked to my girl friends about this andall theiranswer was....


"J*******, you need to play the game. All the guys say they don't like games but they play it.


That's the only way to get a guy"
FLGal, as usual, is right. Playing games is the way to get game-players. If you want a guy who doesn't play games, and there are some of us out there, then don't play games.


When a woman plays hard to get with me it doesn't make me more interested. It makes me wonder if she's really worth the effort. Sometimes I decide she's not and that I'd rather spend my time with somebody who actually returns my calls and shows some interest.


I *LIKE* it when a woman I like tells me she likes me too. And if I don't like her then I wouldn't be out with her to begin with.


If your dream guy is a guy who wanders away when you express sincere emotion to him then by all means...play some games and catch yourself that guy. If, on the other hand, you want a guy who smiles and kisses you when you tell him you care about him then...


-B-
 
  Reply With Quote
kim9610 is offline kim9610 Post #9  June 8,2008, 2:37pm
kim9610's Avatar

Enthusiast

Joined: May 2008

Posts: 572

See profile

BSchorr,135179 wrote :

If you're sure you love him then you should tell him so. It's been five months, it's not like you're rushing at him on the 2nd date. He may reciprocate. He may not. But if you want to tell him, then tell him. Maybe he's shy and doesn't want to be the one to tell you first.


-B-
I agree, if you're ready say you love him, tell him.
 
  Reply With Quote
Glider_Pilot is offline Glider_Pilot Post #10  June 8,2008, 2:47pm
Glider_Pilot's Avatar

Out there. Somewhere.

Veteran

Joined: May 2008

Orange County, CA

Posts: 2,409

See profile



I'm absolutely in the "tell him if you feel it" camp. Hiding it is just another game.


Here's a tip, though, and an important one:


Make the moment comfortable for him, and don't allow it to put pressure on him to say it back. Maybe he's not quite there yet.


Tell him, but make it light and fun. Don't make it a hugely serious event, where you tell him and then stop and look in his eyes and wait for a response. I know you want to hear it back, but let him decide upon the right time for him to say it, too. If he's not quite there yet, and you turn your "I love you" into something that feels like he's trapped into saying it also, he's likely to back away from your relationship.He has the right to say it on his own terms.


Love is supposed to be fun. Tell him you love him in a fun, light way, and likely he'll be saying it back to you sooner than you might think.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply


« Long Distance Advice Needed | Relationships | Need advice »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“It's important to understand the way a site works. Rigidly assuming / insisting that eH works likes all the others you're used to isn't utilizing the site functions to your best advantage. No.... ... ” –  Wiseman2

Join the “First contact on eHarmony, smile, questions, email?” discussion

“ If you have yet to meet, you don't know him or whether you two will form a connection. Connections formed over e-mail tend to be fantasies. You will see this echoed over and over by experienced ... ” –  shapeShifter79

Join the “How do i recoonect with him again?” discussion

“ Then it's a bit premature to worry about being friend-zoned. The first step is to go out on dates! What specific steps did you try? How many women did you ask out in person? Did you buy a ... ” –  shapeShifter79

Join the “For women to answer: How to avoid the friend zone” discussion

“ This is an old thread. She asked this in 2010. By now they are likely very exclusive or very over. ” –  shapeShifter79

Join the “is there a reason to ask if we're exclusive?” discussion

“ I'm sure he wouldn't get that. And I can't be sure that was the actual message. But it sems kind of likely to me.” –  boomer_gal

Join the “Why am I not successful?” discussion

“Hi eccemuliere and welcome to eHA.On an internet forum like eHA, you're going to get a wide variety of responses; some you'll like and some you won't. It's best to focus on the ones that speak to ... ” –  Sassafras54

Join the “Being blown off, or something else?” discussion

“ Although I have ignored my gut at times, in hindsight it's always been right, in terms of recognizing bad choices. QUOTE] But once we realize our past mistakes, we can use our reason to clue us ... ” –  eccemuliere

Join the “Is Your Gut Leading - or Misleading You?” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 3:48pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0