Should you wait for the man to say I love you first?


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2ndsojourn is offline 2ndsojourn Post #21  June 8,2008, 7:58pm

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jlee, wrote :

I met a wonderful man whom I have fallen in love with. I'm afraid to express my emotions. He told me he cares for me deeply but no "I love you" yet. Should I wait to see what developes and wait for him to say it first? We have been dating on a regular basis for five months now and we are very close. We talk everyday and see one another 2 to 3 days a week. I have meet his friends and some family members. Any suggestions would be appreciated!
Some time ago I came across some dating rules on the internet that was quite funny. The rule here is the lady always says it first.


I'll look for it and hopefully post the link.


2ndsojourn
 
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SierraMountainAir is offline SierraMountainAir Post #22  June 8,2008, 8:09pm
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What is sought to be the statement. Is it:


1. I love you


or


2. I love you:Will you say I love you, back to me?





I do not feel the words are to be said lightly. It's very important when you drop the "L" word.


This is the big time.
 
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BSchorr is offline BSchorr Post #23  June 8,2008, 8:58pm
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pisces,135549 wrote :

I made the mistake ofbeing the first one to say I love you tomy now ex-husband and his response was "Oh, that's nice." Nothing else. That should've been my first clue that he would end up being bad for me, but LOVE IS BLIND. I would follow JavaJava5's advice. She is a very wise woman.
JavaJava would have a man not tell a woman he loves her until he's ready to propose. Sorry, but I don't see any wisdom in that.


Yes, "Oh, that's nice" is not a good response to you saying you loved him and yes, that should have been a clue.


-B-
 
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SierraMountainAir is offline SierraMountainAir Post #24  June 8,2008, 9:03pm
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BSchorr,135761 wrote :

pisces,135549 wrote :


I made the mistake ofbeing the first one to say I love you tomy now ex-husband and his response was "Oh, that's nice." Nothing else. That should've been my first clue that he would end up being bad for me, but LOVE IS BLIND. I would follow JavaJava5's advice. She is a very wise woman.


JavaJava would have a man not tell a woman he loves her until he's ready to propose. Sorry, but I don't see any wisdom in that.


-B-
Clearly, you are no Pollyana.....
 
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islandrain80 is offline islandrain80 Post #25  June 8,2008, 11:24pm
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JavaJava has good advice. But I read it as more of the "man should lead, the man is the head of the household, 'etc etc. To me it's more of a religious view (and maybe that's what you're seeking). Especially when it comes to having to wait for him to say it, in which should lead to marriage. Both are big steps! Being an independant woman, I want to share a household, not be ruled by a man. I don't want to have to put on a dress and cater to his every need. If I love him, I will do it by choice. I will not do it because other people or religions say I have to.


Yeah...I'm not religious if you can tell. More spiritual.


You can love many people and not have to marry them. Love changes. You fall in love with someone, they don't remain the same person forever. Some adapt to that change and remain in love, some can't. Some choose to seek proffesional help.


I'm to chicken to do it. But I say if you feel it, say it. He may be having the same thoughts as you! And...life can be short! I also agree that love is not a light word to say, but I don't think when you say it you have to make a big event out of it. That will just put pressure to say it back to please you.


I like what kiki87042 did, the singing. It throws out the idea without dumping it out of no where!


Good luck!
 
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SactoDoug is offline SactoDoug Post #26  June 8,2008, 11:30pm
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I tortured one of my past girlfriends with this issue before. I got the feeling that she was waiting for me to say it first so I would use the "L" word every chance I got except to say it to her. I would say, "I really love this dark chocolate." She would ask what I want for dinner and I would reply,"I would absolutely love a good steak." Later, "I love the way you rub my back." and on and on and on. Eventually she couldn't take it anymore and finally said it and I recipricated. It was fun.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #27  June 9,2008, 10:10am
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I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love

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dubistdu,135241 wrote :

BSchorr,135179 wrote :





I don't like to play games. If you're sure you love him then you should tell him so.


I don't like to play game because I suck at it. I don't know the rules and I don't even know how to play it.


So I thought honesty would be the best policy and I will just be myself....and.....well I didn't say I love him but expressed my interest.


Then he lost interest in me. Before I had any interest in him he sent me endless mesages, emails, with sweetest words possible.


Then I talked to my girl friends about this and all their answer was....


"J*******, you need to play the game. All the guys say they don't like games but they play it.


That's the only way to get a guy"


Well, too bad, I'm doomed. I suck at the game. Someboy please write out a rule book and hand it to me. Then I will know.


So... me, no, I will never say it first. Cuz.... Im chicken and if it's a game that I am destined to not win, I will at least reserve my feeling.
I don't like to play games either, well actually I do cards, dominoes, board games but that is not what you are talking about. I don't know the rules and suck at it also. I think honesty is always the best policy whether it is in a relationship or buying groceries.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #28  June 9,2008, 10:18am
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I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love

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There is nothing I have found in the "rule books" that say a girl cannot take the initiative in any area.


I you want to say "I love you" go ahead and do it.
 
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jlee is offline jlee Post #29  June 10,2008, 11:42am
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SactoDoug,135870 wrote :

I tortured one of my past girlfriends with this issue before. I got the feeling that she was waiting for me to say it first so I would use the "L" word every chance I got except to say it to her. I would say, "I really love this dark chocolate." She would ask what I want for dinner and I would reply,"I would absolutely love a good steak." Later, "I love the way you rub my back." and on and on and on. Eventually she couldn't take it anymore and finally said it and I recipricated. It was fun.
You are so bad! That really is a cute story.....I love it!
 
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MissMBA is offline MissMBA Post #30  June 10,2008, 1:35pm
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Yes.











I know.. highly insightful. I agree with JavaJava5. Love is a life long commitment. You go girl!
 
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