Should you wait for the man to say I love you first?

I'm absolutely in the "tell him if you feel it" camp. Hiding it is just another game.


Here's a tip, though, and an important one:


Make the moment comfortable for him, and don't allow it to put pressure on him to say it back. Maybe he's not quite there yet.


Tell him, but make it light and fun. Don't make it a hugely serious event, where you tell him and then stop and look in his eyes and wait for a response. I know you want to hear it back, but let him decide upon the right time for him to say it, too. If he's not quite there yet, and you turn your "I love you" into something that feels like he's trapped into saying it also, he's likely to back away from your relationship.He has the right to say it on his own terms.


Love is supposed to be fun. Tell him you love him in a fun, light way, and likely he'll be saying it back to you sooner than you might think.

Dear JLee,


I'm going to be in the minority here but I highly recommend you NOT tell him that you love him right now.


Here's why:


1. In the vast scheme of your life, five months really isn't all that long to know a person. Though your relationships seems like it's getting serious, keep in mind that a couple should know each other for minimally a year before marriage, and two years, preferably three,at least if they're in their late teens or early 20's.


2. Refraining from telling him you love him is not playing games; it's choosing to be silent for now on that specific subject.


As Dr. MPDoc68 has said in some threads, "Pace, not chase." My advice is similar, "Don't pursue the guy more than he's pursuing you."


When you tell him you love him, you're getting ahead of him. Let him be the man in the relationship and take the proper lead and respond accordingly (if you so desire). If he tells you he likes you, then respond back in like (if you do that is). Never game play; always be honest. Game playing doesn't mean that you always say everything you know.


A wise lady knows when to hold back a bit and wait for the right time. Five months is too early.


You see, here's how it goes:

1. Friendship with chemistry across the four areas: Mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual;
2. Deep Friendship with chemistry;
3. Love with chemistry;
4. Marriage with chemistry;
5. Baby (if couple chooses).

A man should not tell a lady he loves her until he's ready to propose to her as it's unwise otherwise. Say someone told youhe loved you and you dated another two years without any plan but "being in love" and broke up. That's not what love is.


Here's what love is:


"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." I Corinthians 13: 4 - 8


3. Love goes places; it's not stagnant. By it's very nature, love grows the more it gets to know a person. People in their 80's are often heard to say they love each other more than when they married. Love carries through thick and thin, love is a commitment, a commitment for a lifetime.


When a man tells a girl he loves her, he should be prepared to ask her to marry him - or very shortly thereafter.


4. After a couple declares their love for each other, the man should ask for the ladies' hand in marriage if her parents are still living - always chivalrous and endearing to her folks no matter what their age, and upon her acceptance of his proposal, an engagement period should begin not to exceed a year in time.


5. Sometime during this engagement period, the couple should have really good pre-marital counseling. Oftentimes the pastor does counseling and other places always provide this. Good counseling will include an assessment taken by each person and topics will be discussed in depth such as finances (a big cause of marital break-ups), sex (another cause of marriage disintegration), children and / or stepchildren, blended families, careers, etc.


6. Say you told him you love him now . . . . Then what? That puts him under a sort of obligation to tell you he loves you then or sometime in the near future. If he hasn't come to that conclusion yet for himself, then he's going to feel pressured inside. That's just how it is. He's going to feel uncomfortable and either he will try to force feelings out of politeness or he'll back away as he'll begin to feel sort of caged and ill at ease.


He may even start to avoid you a bit because he might be afraid you'll say it again or have some sort of expectation from him and he won't know what to do.


It's far better just to keep those feelings to yourself. It's not playing games; rather, being prudent and wise.


There'll be plenty of time to tell him how very much you love him after he tells you.


If you're premature in doing it before he does, you do risk him breaking up with you. That's happened to many a girl.


7. So, most definitely "Yes," wait patiently and see what develops. So you wait six more months until he tells you he loves you. That's a very small amount of time in terms of your whole lifetime. After all, you have all your life to be married to this man you love.


You don't mention your age, but say you're 39 and you marry him when you're 41, if you're the same age and live to be 81, you will have been married 40 years. Think about it all in terms of the timeline of your life and what that looks like rather than the narrowness of the moment.


Remember, love is about the other person, not yourself. This is very important to remember. Yes, you're in love and you want to tell him and maybe, the whole world, but now is just not the time.


8. For all you know, he may be waiting for a very special occasion to tell you he loves you and surprise you with a ring - maybe Christmas. Many a girl has become engaged around the holidays! In December, you will have known each other 11 months - still not long in terms of the length of your lives.


9. So, when he tells you he cares for you deeply, tell him the same thing back, but hold off on those three little words, "I love you." You'll be glad you did in the long run.


10. Keep in mind the tortoise wins the race.


JavaJava5

I met a wonderful man whom I have fallen in love with. I'm afraid to express my emotions. He told me he cares for me deeply but no "I love you" yet. Should I wait to see what developes and wait for him to say it first? We have been dating on a regular basis for five months now and we are very close. We talk everyday and see one another 2 to 3 days a week. I have meet his friends and some family members. Any suggestions would be appreciated!

I agree! Make it fun. The last relationship I had I too was afraid to say it first so I sang it...kind of. I was singing a song and the line was..."do you call it love, if you don't then what?"


When I got back to the table he looked at me and said, "You can say it you know." I shook my head and said I couldn't say it first. Then he took my face in his hands and said it.


I can hear the "Aaahhhs" all over the country!

If your dream guy is a guy who wanders away when you express sincere emotion to him then by all means...play some games and catch yourself that guy. If, on the other hand, you want a guy who smiles and kisses you when you tell him you care about him then...


-B-