TAG95 is offline TAG95 Post #1  August 8,2010, 8:47am
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If you have checked my last post, I address they fact that I have told my ex that I didn't want him to contact me for a period of time due to I need some time to process the break and just didn't feel comfortable with him calling me like he didn't break up with me, get involved with someone else rather quickly and now calling me. I'm now doubting myself as was that the right thing to do as I have had communication with him this week after all that talking I did(I totally contridicted myself , I can admit it!!). I have now placed again another self imposed no call, no answer policy on myself(let's see if I can withstand the test of time) . I don't know why this relationship has affected in such a way. It is very difficult for me to understand why I can't shake my feelings for him more quickly than this long drawn out period. I still care about him and probably would entertain getting back together if was to happen but I know that would be dumb as he has done this to me before just for history to repeat itself . Other men have shown interest in me and I have gone out on dates. The dates are fun and have lasted more than two hours b/c the conversation was stimulating and the company was pleasant but once the date is over, I'm feeling deflated and my interest has pretty much disappeared as soon as he has started walking back to his car. Can someone tell me when will get easy? I haven't gone through anything like this in many years as I don't let broken relationships affect me for too long. My past relationships and the past relationship with this particular ex have rolled off my back like water on a duck, but this time, I can't seem to get over this.
 
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nancymargritangelita is offline nancymargritangelita Post #2  August 8,2010, 9:02am
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Could it be that you're going on dates too soon after your break up? It sounds like you still have feelings for your ex - which is fine. If he didn't treat you well, then it's not good getting together with him again and I agree with your "no communication" policy. Maybe you're going on dates with other men too soon. You need time to heal and time to get over the feelings you have for your ex. The amount of time you need is up to you. For some people it takes 6 or 8 months, for others it takes two years or more. Don't rush into another relationship while you still have feelings for your ex. They won't work.
 
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TAG95 is offline TAG95 Post #3  August 8,2010, 9:59am
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Thanks Nancy. I'm going on dates to occupy my time as sitting on the couch by myself is no fun. I'm a very social person and this break up has taken the wind out of my sails and I don't care to do much. It was worst in the begining but now I do go to the beach, movies, dinner, so it is getting better. I told the ex after I told him no contact in a email that after I told him that I didn't want contact for a period of time that I didn't think ignoring each other would be helpful to anyone, esp. me and that I let emotions get the best of me when I told him no contact. I do think that contact should be at a minimum at the very least.
 
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annother is offline annother Post #4  August 8,2010, 10:45am
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If it were me, "no contact" would mean ignoring text messages, phone calls, and emails. You can't have it both ways--you can't call it "no contact" and then say you don't want to ignore him.

If you want to get over him, don't contact him and ignore all his attempts to contact you. It's not easy to do, but it should not be complicated.
 
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wifeaholic is offline wifeaholic Post #5  August 8,2010, 2:37pm
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I'm at a lost for words
 
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RoxyRedhead is offline RoxyRedhead Post #6  August 9,2010, 10:41am

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I understand you are bored and don't want to be alone, TAG but part of processing a loss is actually doing the work involved. You're avoiding it by keeping busy with other men who mean nothing to you.

Breakups are hard. And it takes time to get over them. You aren't doing yourself or the men you are dating any favors by ignoring your feelings (which seem pretty clear to me from your post).

I also suggest you take a break from dating and from expecting to simply get over a painful emotional breakup as though it hasn't had any effect on you. Put some mental work into deciding what you want from a man instead of just dating guys who seem interesting.

Though is is hard to refuse to see the ex-been there, I understand-I think you are protecting yourself by insisting on the no contact stipulation. I'd continue to hold to that.

You might try doing something positive for yourself, like join a gym and work out 5 times a week if you're lonely-or sign up for night classes at a continuing education college. There are any number of things that will help you improve your self esteem other than just dating again.

Hope things clear up for you soon!
 
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Itsme_dReW is offline Itsme_dReW Post #7  August 9,2010, 11:00am
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I agree with annothers post.
I would suggest that break contact fully and take a stand and demand it happens. If he has done this before and you keep breaking your own contact bans then i would say you are stuck in a circle dance that will never end. It may well be the reason you are feeling the way you are when on other dates.As soon as the date walks away your back dancing in a circle again.
You say you are a social person. And im guessing you are socialising with same people as when you were with him. If I were you i would find other women in similar situations and socialise as a group with them. Its not as hard as it sounds. This will increase your support network with people who will be familiar with your sittuation and provide new people to get to know. It will keep you envigorated and help you to move on. It will also give you plenty of opportunity to meet prospective new dates. Just keep it simple until youve moved on. Make friends and have fun. But dont go looking to put yourself into another relationship until your wounds have had time to heal.
 
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beautifulgenius is offline beautifulgenius Post #8  August 9,2010, 11:47am
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So....you are starting to recognize a pattern with the men that you meet. When you are with the right guy, you will feel totally different than with the others that you have dated. You won't feel so deflated. That deflated "feeling" persay is from the date itself. It's making you feel euphoric and light headed. Not a good feeling. The feelings you may want to have instead are, he actually listens to me. His eyes were always on me, instead of the gorgeous woman who was waiting on us. We conversed and related on so many levels, and he asked me what I wanted out of life. His hand weren't all over my body but were warm to the touch of mine, his beautiful blues focused on my pretty brown eyes, and I simply melted every time our eyes met. It's as simple and wonderful as that.

No games, and no mazes to go through.
 
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BikerBeagle is offline BikerBeagle Post #9  August 9,2010, 12:27pm
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It will get easy when you have the courage and intention of actually moving forward away from this guy, rather than playing these silly, immature games with him.
 
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nancymargritangelita is offline nancymargritangelita Post #10  August 9,2010, 2:00pm
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I agree with Roxy TAG. I know from personal experience that it takes time to heal. It took me two and a half years to get over my ex.

There's nothing wrong with going out and having fun, but I think that the dating end of the fun may be a little too soon.

Take care of yourself and I hope that things work out for you.
 
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