Confused by ex who made contact


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TAG95 is offline TAG95 Post #1  July 30,2010, 4:20pm
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My ex has made contact with me after I have place a self imposed "no contact" with him. I deleated him as a friend on fb and made no attempts to call, text,email for I don't care to communicate at this time while I clear my mind of him. He leaves a message on Thursday morning saying he has been meaning to call me and check on me and he will give me a call later as he is another state and time zone. I don't return call. He calls me today, I answer to see what he wants as to checking up on me, calls me by his pet name for me, asks about how my working out is going(lost about 10 pounds partly from stressing over him dumping me and going to the gym to get my mind right), tells me about the new job he has, how are our children, small talk...I end it after 20 minutes b/c I don't have much to say since he broke off dating me and wants to be friends.

Since we cease dating in late June he is in a new relationship(rather quick). I don't know what to gauge from him calling me other than he wanted to see if I was alive???? I had not had any contact with him in two weeks after I made up my mind to be an adult and leave this relationship/friendship alone and I only aswered b/c I didn't want him to keep calling me as this was the second call in two days. He has done this to me before as in stops dating me due to"its not gonna work"(no other explanation) and then a month later her calls monthly...I'm confused as to why he is calling me "to check up on me" ? I'm not unstable or ill, so there is no reason to see how I'm doing. Any opinions to his actions?
 
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annother is offline annother Post #2  July 30,2010, 5:53pm
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It sounds as though you had children together. If so, it is quite natural for him to want to make sure that the children are ok. Actually, I would expect him to want to see them.
 
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BikerBeagle is offline BikerBeagle Post #3  July 30,2010, 9:14pm
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If you have children together, you can't really impose a 'no contact' decree on him. He has every right to know how his children are ...but you should make it clear to him what your boundaries are in this regard. *You* are no longer a topic of conversation between the 2 of you.

As for his intentions? ...who knows! ...and, more importantly, who cares? At this point, any conjecture would be just that ...conjecture. It's probable, however, that his contact is simply a means to keep things civil between the two of you for the kids' sake.
 
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TAG95 is offline TAG95 Post #4  July 31,2010, 4:20am
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we have no children together. I have a child from a previous relationship as he has children from a previous marriage. So any conversation about kids is because it is just small talk...
 
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annother is offline annother Post #5  July 31,2010, 4:57am
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TAG95 wrote :
we have no children together. I have a child from a previous relationship as he has children from a previous marriage. So any conversation about kids is because it is just small talk...
In that case, his calling you could be simply because he still has a soft spot for you and cares enough to want to be sure you are doing ok.

Alternatively, he might be unable to break it off completely. Perhaps he wants to keep you as "Plan B," or he regrets the breakup. You won't know if you don't ask.

If you really don't want contact with him, get call display and don't answer when he calls--no matter how often he calls.
 
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TAG95 is offline TAG95 Post #6  July 31,2010, 5:09am
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when breaking up with me he stated that he really cares about me, spending time with me, attracted to me, but he isn't the right man for me. I still care about him but I can't allow him or any other man to play with my heart for a considerably amount of time to later "blindside" me with the talk of the relationship isn't working. It's either love me or leave me alone!!
 
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annother is offline annother Post #7  July 31,2010, 5:53am
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I agree completely. You must do what you have to do to protect your heart and your self-esteem.
 
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TAG95 is offline TAG95 Post #8  July 31,2010, 6:58am
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But on the other hand, I truly care about him and would like to get back together...I'm too scared to ask him about his feelings as my heart cannot take anymore disappointment from him. He confuses me. Should I tell him no contact because of the confusion he brings me? The "general concern" phone calls I don't understand especially from an ex. Mind you, I don't wish anything bad to happen to an ex, but I don't call them checking on their well being. Not interested in what is going on in their lives especially after a break up.
 
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snakedoc1125 is offline snakedoc1125 Post #9  July 31,2010, 8:50am
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There is still a possibility that he still wants you. Your the one who should know because you had been with him for quite some time. What if he really still wants you? Wouldn't you give him another chance?
 
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TAG95 is offline TAG95 Post #10  July 31,2010, 9:34am
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he is supose to be dating someone else at this moment and he told me via email that he wants to be friends, thus the reason why I have backed away from the friendship by making myself scarce by no contact. I would like to work on a relationship with him but I don't want to be friends with him. Would it be wrong for me to tell him that I can't be friends with him due to my feelings for him. I was good for the last two weeks w/o contact from him and now I'm teary eyes b/c I want to tell him my feelings but not up for the rejection. He has done this to me before by breakin up with me and then a month after calls monthly until I become curious again and entertained becoming involved with him again. Should I ask that he respects my wishes to leave me alone if he isn't interested on working on a relationship with me other than friendship as it is difficult for me at this time. I find it's funny that he gave me his new phone number. Why does he think I'm going to call especially if he is dating someone else(here back east)? And he called me the first call from his new job on the West Coast(he comes back east on the weekends).
 
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