RoxyRedhead is offline RoxyRedhead Post #1  July 29,2010, 6:28pm
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I've noticed this phrase "I want to know if I'm being played" in any number of topics lately. Frankly it is not something I had ever considered in my dating experience.

What is this a fear of, actually? Is it of being vulnerable? Is it fear of committing to someone before they commit to you? Of being taken advantage of?

I have to admit, I don't know exactly what someone means when he/she says they think they are being played.
 
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cosmicwonder is offline cosmicwonder Post #2  July 29,2010, 6:51pm
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I think the definition for this term can be as varied as defining what makes people uncomfortable. One person's uncomfortable is not the same as the next. That simple.

For me, I knew I was being played when he wanted to send dirty pics and s*xt message...before meeting in person.

Sorry, but this reminds me of the red neck jokes!

I knew I was bein played when: he sent a text at 10:39 p.m. that read 'wanna play'. it was obvious he just wanted to get off with someone on the other side of the phone line. Maybe he needed the excuse....Dunno.

So, I guess *in this case* my definition of being played is someone purposefully setting out to get a s*xual partner knowing full well they don't want anything further but not letting the other person know this. If you want a FWB, please be upfront about it. Cuz there ain't nuttin wrong with that!

*this definition is subject to change without notice
Last edited by cosmicwonder; July 29,2010 at 6:51pm. Reason: BOLD!
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #3  July 29,2010, 7:18pm
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I think it means being used or explointed for the benefit of another person, who, although they are going through the motions of dating, are not motivated by concern for their partner.
 
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AndieIsMe is online now AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #4  July 29,2010, 8:07pm
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I think it might be someone who is afraid that they are naive. They don't really want to believe that they can be taken advantage of.
 
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nightling is offline nightling Post #5  July 29,2010, 8:42pm
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RoxyRedhead wrote :
I've noticed this phrase "I want to know if I'm being played" in any number of topics lately. Frankly it is not something I had ever considered in my dating experience.

What is this a fear of, actually? Is it of being vulnerable? Is it fear of committing to someone before they commit to you? Of being taken advantage of?

I have to admit, I don't know exactly what someone means when he/she says they think they are being played.
Roxy, there are some men whose goal in life is to see how many beautiful women they can sleep with in one lifetime. They want to be the next Cassanova.

Hence all the pickup artist communities online where men go to learn how to successfully pick up and bed women without committing to a relationship while at the same time appearing to be interested in a relationship so they can get what they want.

The easy way to spot this is to realize that for a player, the whole relationship idea is a shell game. They'll never give you anything concrete on that one way or the other.

There is obvioulsy more than one kind of player and more than one kind of motivation behind the behavior, and I know women can be players too, but I'm trying to keep the post short.
 
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jeepflower is offline jeepflower Post #6  July 29,2010, 11:04pm
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Yep, just got "played" by a guy who"s profile said he was looking for something long lasting and serious. Glad I figured that out sooner rather than later...
 
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dikahu87 is offline dikahu87 Post #7  July 29,2010, 11:15pm
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yay!!!!!!! ok so the guy i was dating was trying to "play" me supposedly his wife and him were seperated but i started really examing everything and i didnt get played cuz i started catching signs of the player so i didnt go for any of it so proud of myself! cuz i was looking at most of things you guys posted with out evening knowing it. now i have a great bf that i met on eharmony =)
 
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BikerBeagle is offline BikerBeagle Post #8  July 30,2010, 4:11am
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jeepflower wrote :
Yep, just got "played" by a guy who"s profile said he was looking for something long lasting and serious. Glad I figured that out sooner rather than later...
I believe it is only fair to point out that simply because your 'relationship' (whatever that was) ended without becoming "long lasting and serious" does not a player make.

We can 'define' a "player" until the cows fly south for the winter ...but the bottom line is, if it didn't work, there wouldn't be anyone doing it.

Ultimately, the phrase "don't have the playa, hate the game" is about as relevant here as any. If you feel as though you are getting/have been 'played', you are at least partially to blame and responsible for it.

In more than a few cases I've heard of where women thought they had been 'played', it was more an issue of them ignoring red flags and not seeing what was actually happening in lieu of the 'fantasy' they were creating in their head.
 
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vnix is offline vnix Post #9  July 30,2010, 5:06am
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It depends what you mean. Sometimes it can be refered to has hustled. I can only answer through my experiences since most of the time it is one sided. As a widower I tried to find someone to soon and after a few imitation girls would contact me it always ended up the same, you will not believe this but I need money for blah, blah, blah. This in my book is a hustle. Of course I woke up and stopped communicating. The point is does she/he just want one thing from you. Then you are being played. It could be sex, a place to live, money or even recognition. I played but got played. Mine was unintentional because all I wanted was a partner and it did not matter who or what she was. Take a step back, you don't have to let them know everything about you so that you will be a target. Remember a player is a predator
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #10  July 30,2010, 11:56am
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RoxyRedhead wrote :
I've noticed this phrase "I want to know if I'm being played" in any number of topics lately. Frankly it is not something I had ever considered in my dating experience.

What is this a fear of, actually? Is it of being vulnerable? Is it fear of committing to someone before they commit to you? Of being taken advantage of?

I have to admit, I don't know exactly what someone means when he/she says they think they are being played.
When you start seeing someone you like eventually you start to become attached to that person and develop strong feelings for them (e.g. love). If this person does not share these feelings but is seeing you for some ulterior motive then this is 'being played'. The negative of this is feeling very badly at being lied to and misled by someone you felt strongly for.
 
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