Mr_Right is offline Mr_Right Post #11  July 30,2010, 12:39pm
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"played for a fool", probably.
 
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deegoesgreen is offline deegoesgreen Post #12  August 1,2010, 8:09am
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beagles are best

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vnix wrote :
It depends what you mean. Sometimes it can be refered to has hustled. I can only answer through my experiences since most of the time it is one sided. As a widower I tried to find someone to soon and after a few imitation girls would contact me it always ended up the same, you will not believe this but I need money for blah, blah, blah. This in my book is a hustle. Of course I woke up and stopped communicating. The point is does she/he just want one thing from you. Then you are being played. It could be sex, a place to live, money or even recognition. I played but got played. Mine was unintentional because all I wanted was a partner and it did not matter who or what she was. Take a step back, you don't have to let them know everything about you so that you will be a target. Remember a player is a predator
^^^I'm with vnix on this topic. It's a con. Nobody wants to be conned in any form, or played for a fool.
I agree with Bikerbeagle, that people miss warning signs. Really direct communication can thwart a player, IMO.
 
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morningsunlight is offline morningsunlight Post #13  August 1,2010, 9:09am
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BikerBeagle wrote :
I believe it is only fair to point out that simply because your 'relationship' (whatever that was) ended without becoming "long lasting and serious" does not a player make.
I agree with this statement.

To me, it is a difference in the expectations as to how much and how long.

Someone talked about growing into old ages and that just freaked me out! But in seeking a long-term relationship, you are projecting that long, right?

I have tended to see relationships for short-terms. I have moved a lot and have neither wanted nor been ready to seek a very long-term relationship like marriage until very recently.

This has been fine as long as you are dating with people at similar life stages or those with similar thoughts (the life stages do not always correspond to chronological ages, either).

But problems arise when dating with people who have different mindsets.

I dated someone who just could not think of things more flexibly or fully enjoying the limited time together despite the knowledge that the time was most likely limited. Even when I made that point, it just went over his head and I do not think that he got it at all. This just killed any joys and pleasures that you could have gotten from living in the present moment. When you live in the present moment, you don't really have to think that much and you just follow the feelings. That's it. But if you start thinking, "Is this person 'the One,'?" a lot of thoughts come to your mind. You try to get to know another person to make the judgments and decisions, rather than enjoying the process of getting to know each other. Things turn out to be right/wrong or success/failure. I just couldn't get that kind of black/white thinking.

There are people with whom you really want to enjoy some time together, but you do not want to or cannot spend time together for a long-term for many reasons or circumstances.

I never wanted a commitment or a long-term relationship with the said person. I knew it wouldn't work for various reasons. With this realization in mind, however, I really wanted to date with him for short-term to enjoy ourselves. But he ended up spending a lot of time thinking by himself for decision-making. He also got the same conclusion that we were not meant to be for a long-term. But the difference here was that I wanted to enjoy for a short-term, but there was no short-term in his book at the moment and just terminated the relationship very early.
So I felt that, oh, no, I could have enjoyed this and that etc. I regretted that way. But he regretted for making a wrong decision and apologized to me (i.e., romantically involving with a lady with whom he cannot proceed for a long-term). I never wanted these apologies, but felt really frustrated for not getting what I really wished (the enjoyment and contentment in a short-term relationships).

I guess being played would be a situation in which they use you as means but not ends.

Personally, I do not even see short-term relationships as "learning opportunities" or "steps needed to meet the One." They are ends in themselves. That's that.
Last edited by morningsunlight; August 1,2010 at 9:48am.
 
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Spider is offline Spider Post #14  August 1,2010, 9:17am
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I'd say that "player" is equivalent to "user" or "manipulator" - it's got the sense of conscious deception or exploitation.

Different from someone just being a jerk or even just a bad match in terms of mismatched values and expectations. "Playing" is purposeful deception.
 
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hogrally is offline hogrally Post #15  August 1,2010, 9:49pm
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Spider wrote :
I'd say that "player" is equivalent to "user" or "manipulator" - it's got the sense of conscious deception or exploitation.

Different from someone just being a jerk or even just a bad match in terms of mismatched values and expectations. "Playing" is purposeful deception.
+10000
Thank goodness that kind of deception takes energy and most of us just can't be that bothered.
 
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