I need some serious advice :(


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closetogiveup is offline closetogiveup Post #1  July 29,2010, 12:40pm
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Ok this guy i met in high school... we had a bit of a fling adn broke up .. well a couple months later we tried actually dating..... didnt work .. i got scared and broke it off.... it kinda seemed to me like he was very sexual about everything ... but was that just normal male actions?... well its been almost a year now and he found me on FB and since the last time we talked i have moved a couple states away to be closer to my parents.... he is wanting to move down here just to be with me .. but he wants me to committ.... is it a good idea to go ahead and committ to him?... do you think he's genuine?.. i dont know wat to do
 
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Dafearon is offline Dafearon Post #2  July 29,2010, 1:11pm
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From what little information i see here, its not a good idea to commit.

It just seems that nothing has changed. The reasons for you dating have not been resolved. So if you tried again, you would only fail again. Only this time, he would be in a strange city with nothing.

It doesn't matter if he's "genuine" or not. The problems of your relationship will not just disappear.
 
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suzyblueeyes is offline suzyblueeyes Post #3  July 29,2010, 1:15pm
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You are so young. I would be reluctant to commit to a man at your age without some serious years of dating him under your belt. I think relocating at this age is ill-advised.
 
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Ameri is offline Ameri Post #4  July 29,2010, 2:19pm
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He's pushing too fast. At best, the two of you are not in the same place - he wants commitment and you are not ready for that now. At worst, he's dangerously obsessive. If you felt uncomfortable with his sexuality, trust your instincts. It does not matter what is "normal" (everything is normal), it only matters how you feel. You clearly don't feel good being in a relationship with him. Just let him know (nicely) that you aren't interested.
 
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Mr_Right is offline Mr_Right Post #5  July 29,2010, 5:17pm
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From the limited amount of data, no, it doesn't seem like a good idea.

But then again, you knew that, when you posted this thread.
 
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RoxyRedhead is offline RoxyRedhead Post #6  July 29,2010, 8:59pm
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People change hugely after high school, after college. Thats when they really start to grow up and become adults, develop their own opinions about things and start to view the world outside their small community.

To commit to someone you haven't spent time around recently would be a big error in judgment.

No need to be in any rush. If he wants to visit you, let him do so, but without any commitment on your part. Spend time getting to know the person you commit your life to!
 
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RoxyRedhead is offline RoxyRedhead Post #7  July 29,2010, 9:00pm
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People change hugely after high school, after college. Thats when they really start to grow up and become adults, develop their own opinions about things and start to view the world outside their small community.

To commit to someone you haven't spent time around recently would be a big error in judgment.

No need to be in any rush. If he wants to visit you, let him do so, but without any commitment on your part. Spend time getting to know the person you commit your life to!
 
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LisaRey is offline LisaRey Post #8  July 29,2010, 10:41pm
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Sounds more like he is needing some sex and you are his target. Anyone open to moving to be with you sounds quite needy for such a short relationship and after this amount of time. Something smells rotten in Denmark in my opinion.
 
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Sad_but_True is offline Sad_but_True Post #9  July 29,2010, 11:10pm
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Guys date for sex ... we tolerate female attitudes otherwise. Women would do themselves a favor if they would accept that fact.

Our tolerance is proportional to her looks.
 
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Glimflicker is offline Glimflicker Post #10  July 30,2010, 8:04am
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closetogiveup wrote :
Ok this guy i met in high school... we had a bit of a fling adn broke up .. well a couple months later we tried actually dating..... didnt work .. i got scared and broke it off.... it kinda seemed to me like he was very sexual about everything ... but was that just normal male actions?... well its been almost a year now and he found me on FB and since the last time we talked i have moved a couple states away to be closer to my parents.... he is wanting to move down here just to be with me .. but he wants me to committ.... is it a good idea to go ahead and committ to him?... do you think he's genuine?.. i dont know wat to do
Reading between the lines a little bit, it seems as if your gut feeling is to steer clear of this guy. People are comfortable with different levels of sexuality (plus he's an 18 year old guy, I remember those days...) so perhaps you two just aren't compatible in that area. I have lived with two girlfriends and the break ups were among the most intense emotional experiences in my life. I don't know if the plan was for him to live with you, find an apartment, or what--but moving multiple states to be with you is a huge investment that ups the stakes quite a bit. Would you be willing to move the same distance for somebody that you've had such limited contact with lately?

LisaRey wrote :
Sounds more like he is needing some sex and you are his target. Anyone open to moving to be with you sounds quite needy for such a short relationship and after this amount of time. Something smells rotten in Denmark in my opinion.
Perhaps heaven will direct it. It's random I remember that, but I had to read the majority of Hamlet (among other things) to my English class due to the fact that my professor thought my voice "belonged on the radio."
 
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