Thoughts on maintaining a relationship


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psgcooldog is offline psgcooldog Post #11  July 27,2010, 1:18pm
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TheThinker wrote :
If that floats your boat, so be it.

You said in your opening post you are unqualified in the subject....and, therefore, because I don't know you.... I believe you.

I'm telling you as someone who is qualified, having had sufficient real world, knowledge on the subject...because I've lived it..that it is communication.
Thinker, I checked your profile, and you're precisely as unqualified as I am, if you catch my drift!

And yes, communication is good, but I think an awareness of "relationship entropy" gives an added reason to communicate, as well as something very important to explicitly talk about.

Yep, the idea floats my boat.
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #12  July 27,2010, 1:21pm
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psgcooldog wrote :
Thinker, I checked your profile, and you're precisely as unqualified as I am, if you catch my drift!
Sorry, I don't.
 
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psgcooldog is offline psgcooldog Post #13  July 27,2010, 1:37pm
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TheThinker wrote :
Sorry, I don't.
Meaning simply that we are both single, and not each 1/2 of a happy couple, putting into practice all our keen insights into how to maintain a healthy and vibrant relationship!
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #14  July 27,2010, 2:00pm
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psgcooldog wrote :
Meaning simply that we are both single, and not each 1/2 of a happy couple, putting into practice all our keen insights into how to maintain a healthy and vibrant relationship!

That is true.
But what is also true is that I was married for sufficient time and have suffered sufficient heartache to have realized what happened to my marriage...what was good and what wasn't so good.
I've also never heard the term entropy, entropic...used by any licensed professional when telling two married people what's going on.(maybe they didn't need to?)although I've heard the word "communication" used quite often. So thats all I can bring...real world experience.
So there it is.

Today here, the sky is blue...it may be "aqua" or cyan or azure..where you are.
It looks blue to me, though.
 
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psgcooldog is offline psgcooldog Post #15  July 27,2010, 2:16pm
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TheThinker wrote :
That is true.
But what is also true is that I was married for sufficient time and have suffered sufficient heartache to have realized what happened to my marriage...what was good and what wasn't so good.
I've also never heard the term entropy, entropic...used by any licensed professional when telling two married people what's going on.(maybe they didn't need to?)although I've heard the word "communication" used quite often. So thats all I can bring...real world experience.
So there it is.

Today here, the sky is blue...it may be "aqua" or cyan or azure..where you are.
It looks blue to me, though.
Okay friend, in that case I'm very well qualified.

And the fact that you've never heard any therapist or counselor mention the word "entropy" is what qualifies it as an insight worth mentioning here, no?

And I don't know about you ... well, truth is, I guess I do, since you're here just as I am , but those counselors and their talk of "communication" didn't do so good.

Because we had ignored the entropy for too long.

My opinion is that if you stop and think about it this way it's a useful tool, and describes what actually, observably goes on.

But enough already ... if you don't see it, you don't see it, and that's okay ... it was just a thought.
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #16  July 27,2010, 2:44pm
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psgcooldog wrote :
Okay friend, in that case I'm very well qualified.

And the fact that you've never heard any therapist or counselor mention the word "entropy" is what qualifies it as an insight worth mentioning here, no?

And I don't know about you ... well, truth is, I guess I do, since you're here just as I am , but those counselors and their talk of "communication" didn't do so good.
Not necessarily the counselors fault.
We all choose our own path, I think.
One of my beliefs is you cannot make some one see what they refuse to see.

I do see what you're saying, but I make it a rule to speak as plainly, as I can...when I can. It's my job.
I don't feel the need to say the molecular state of the hydrogen and oxygen atoms in my silicon based cylindrical refreshment apparatus is changing....
I just say: "my ice melted in my glass"...

but, that's me.
I'm that kooky kind of cat.
Last edited by TheThinker; July 27,2010 at 2:48pm.
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #17  July 27,2010, 2:45pm
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pscooldog -- I have never considered the idea of "entropy" in relationships before. It's interesting.

Just right off the bat -- you may have something there. A lot else seems to be subject to entropy; why not this. There's definitely an energetic process (talking technical here) involved in human interaction ... possibly subject to entropy.

I don't have any more to say right now ... need to ponder. But this is a very interesting idea, to me.

Oh wait, one more thing ... in the universe, individual processes wind down (entropy) but overall isn't there conservation of energy? (Not a physicist here.) Possibly a relationship is more like "the universe" than an "individual process"?

Will stop now.
 
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deegoesgreen is offline deegoesgreen Post #18  July 27,2010, 2:49pm
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wrote :
When two people blow stuff off because they think it will go away it adds to the pile that's already there...it even multiplies on it's own.
Ain't that the truth! There are way too many couples I know/have known whose marriage stood upon crumbling layers of unresolved issues. I have sworn I will not let that happen if I'm ever recoupled again. (Tricky part is making sure my partner agrees to this. )

wrote :
I believe that relationships will end unless you don't want them to.
psgcooldog (may I call you psg for short?): The cold, hard truth is that ALL relationships end. Period. IMO, that's the cruxt of maintaining a relationship. So in essence, I believe my outlook agrees with your premise, except that, believing that all relationships ultimately end, it's inherent upon people to maintain focus on what's important in life: people they love. It's not being jaded, pessimistic or a naysayer, it's being a realist. If you bear this in mind going forward with a partner, while you cannot control their choices, you can control yours. You can choose to make days count, to accept that some outside force of some sort will end your relationship.
That is not to say I am advocating one to always be vigilant or carry around a doomsday attitude, but to know that time is limited. And that goes back to not taking a loved one for granted, or expect that life will not become fluid.
Did I manage to hit the target, or make a glancing blow?
 
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deegoesgreen is offline deegoesgreen Post #19  July 27,2010, 2:51pm
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TheThinker wrote :
I don't feel the need to say the molecular state of the hydrogen and oxygen atoms in my silicon based cylindrical refreshment apparatus is changing....
I just say: "my ice melted in my glass"...

but, that's me.
I'm that kooky kind of cat.
That kinda kooky is adorable.
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #20  July 27,2010, 2:59pm
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deegoesgreen wrote :
That kinda kooky is adorable.
Your puppy is hyp-mo-tizing me!....

" I am cute...must give me treat...must give me treat"....
 
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