The L-word --- I'm ready,...he's not...Help!

Well..I'm not going to lie...it didn't just dawn on me that we should be saying it. I've been wanting to say it for a while...but haven't because i do know that its mega early. I guess the fact that we went from the fantasizing about the house etc..to making the joint decision of putting money away and then discussing that as well as general wedding ideas with my parents..made it that much for real to me.
He said its real to him to - but he's not going to say it until he's ready.
But in my mind i'm thinking "Well..hun..I think you do love me but you're just aware that you are or you're not ready to admit it"....because you're right "Can I just be"....I think his actions do show that he does...but it's not really official until its professed outwardly in my mind.

Maybe I did suck at divulging how this all went down. I didn't want to put him on the spot at all...and tried not because thats not what i want.
But it's still SO deflating when he basically says 'no i dont love you yet'....
He asked me for a definition of love and I just said usually its when two people want to spend all/most of their time together...always excited to see each other..and basically want to plan a life together. And he basically admitted that's where we're at....and I was like "ya...soooo...what does that say?"....but he wouldn't bite. So I left it...and didn't push it....but still became so frustrated because what we're doing and 'not' saying...doesn't add up.

So ya - I'm just not sure if you're right and he does love me (based on his actions) and just doesnt realize it...or if he truly doesn't yet (which he claims)....
I honestly thought the time to say it was very close and after discussing it all yesterday...i feel like I've been taken down a few notches...to the point where I'm not sure im even comfortable discussing future stuff. I feel like I need to retract my feelings bigtime in case I might get hurt.

...I just don't see how you can make plans like that....when you don't love someone.
It just doesn't add up

sorry - i guess i'm the type of girl that likes things to be defined a bit more...
even tho his actions show that he does...until he actually admits it himself...its just an assumption i'm not prepared to make...at risk of getting hurt

I was joking about the calling him.

What risk do you have of getting hurt whether he says it or not? In my experience what you are saying shows insecurity. There are a fair few that will argue I am wrong but insecurity will destroy a relationship faster than anything.

See look at it from his point of view, he is doing everything to show you that he loves you. The point you seem to miss is that he does not put the same meaning on the word love as you do.

You speak of how you will be hurt because he won't say it and you don't seem to see you could be hurting him by requiring he speak it. Do you not understand how cheap a word love is. I love you, I love you, I love you, you can say it over and over and over and never really mean it never really show it. To show you love someone is the most precious asset a relationship can have. If I were him I would be hurt that everything I do to show how much I love someone means nothing but some stupid word does.

I think you were right in your OP when you said you have to suck it up and give him time.

You have to take him as he is, and this is part of who he is.

Another way to approach it, that might be less painful for you is: "I love this man. I want to know him as well as I possibly can. Here's this thing about him that makes no sense to me. I am going to explore it, to learn about him."

Meanwhile, he has to take you as you are. This is an area where the 2 of you differ. It won't be the first one!

Down the road, if all goes well, you're going to find out you don't totally agree on child-rearing, on finances, on which house to buy, on how you spend your time together and apart.

Here's an opportunity to set the tone for your future together: how are you going to handle it when you're not 100% in agreement?

And i get what you're saying about the word itself. But the thing is - you and I are assuming that he's professing his love through actions - when that may not be true at all.

I would have no issue doing that IF we weren't putting money away for a house...OR talking about what kind of engagement ring i'd like...OR talking about how many guests we'd have at our wedding...OR fantasizing about getting pregnant.

Like I said - I realize the timeline is only a short two months but we've progressed significantly on all levels except saying ILY.
And we're acting like a couple that's very much in love...aka..planning our life together...


...I just don't see how you can make plans like that....when you don't love someone.
It just doesn't add up