Men I need your help. What is chemistry and why do guys make us feel terrible by saying we have no chemistry after 1-2 dates?


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legend29 is offline legend29 Post #71  July 29,2010, 2:55pm
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Ephemera wrote :
I think I pretty much agree with marymary in that I too find it shallow for anyone to base their dating preferences on appearance. However I know that many people do that and so many that I don't rule them out as I (to misquote Ricky Martin) don't want to disqualify anyone from enjoying the wonderfulness of me. If appearance matters seemingly more to men than to women (and I'm not at all certain that it does) then my lifelong love affair with the fashion and cosmetics industry will payoff.
Ahhhhh...that's the spirit!....you feel preferences based on appearance are shallow, but you're not throwing the bath water out with the baby, huh?

But seriously...you have a very fair and balanced POV....
 
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Can_I_just_be_Jo is offline Can_I_just_be_Jo Post #72  July 29,2010, 5:29pm

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legend29 wrote :
Can you blame her?...she came here for advice and we all probably scurred her off!...gee whiz!

BTW: I absolutely abhor cookies (strong words...I know...but the truth!)....hate 'em...never touch the nasty little things...but..uh...I'd bring her a strawberry cheesecake or carrot cake if it would coax the OP back to the boards...*wink*
I wasn't talking about the OP though I wish she would come back.

By the way I was thinking about this today. I used to filter by intelligence. Isn't that even more superficial? I mean you can have plastic surgery and look like anyone but there is nothing that will make you smart.

Yeah, just thinking out loud....
 
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Raw_Truth is online now Raw_Truth Post #73  July 29,2010, 8:45pm
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Cape_Codder wrote :
Not bitter, just tired of hearing the same unending rant that men need to ascribe to a different selection process dictated by a small minority of the opposite gender.
Yup - selective men are shallow, racist, misogynist, whatever. Selective women OTOH are at worst "picky."
 
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legend29 is offline legend29 Post #74  July 30,2010, 3:49am
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Raw_Truth wrote :
Yup - selective men are shallow, racist, misogynist, whatever.
I think you will find by reading this thread that not all women feel this way...we're not all members of the dreaded 'choice' police...*smile*

I strongly believe that everyone has the right to his/her preferences (dare I say "choice"?), as to their selection process in finding a mate.

Do I think some folks may perceptually have an out-of-control sense of entitlement that guides their selection process, and thus may actually inhibit their chances for finding a mate that is better suited for them?...Nope!...because everyone has a right to their choices. Besides, who can say what is a skewed sense of entitlement....and who is to judge a person's worth? I tend to think that if their expectations start out too high, in time, as they become more dating/relationship savvy, they may adjust their preferences to attain a much larger dating pool. To each/his her own....

I never pay attention to the 'choice' police, and live my life as I please...despite the naysayers...
Last edited by legend29; July 30,2010 at 3:57am. Reason: typos...yikes!!!!
 
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legend29 is offline legend29 Post #75  July 30,2010, 4:00am
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Can_I_just_be_Jo wrote :
I wasn't talking about the OP though I wish she would come back.

By the way I was thinking about this today. I used to filter by intelligence. Isn't that even more superficial? I mean you can have plastic surgery and look like anyone but there is nothing that will make you smart.

Yeah, just thinking out loud....
I still filter by intelligence/creativity/and street-smarts!....not necessarily intellectual men, cause they can be quite boring in my dating experiences (but the jury is still out on that perception!)...but a man that can hold a conversation.... and open doors for me... is a gem!
 
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Can_I_just_be_Jo is offline Can_I_just_be_Jo Post #76  July 30,2010, 5:58am

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legend29 wrote :
I still filter by intelligence/creativity/and street-smarts!....not necessarily intellectual men, cause they can be quite boring in my dating experiences (but the jury is still out on that perception!)...but a man that can hold a conversation.... and open doors for me... is a gem!
I was married to a stupid man for 18 years. Stupid being defined as one who thinks they are more intelligent than that actually are. Kinda like the passenger side mirror. S'anyway, it is not that I choose to be around intelligent people because I am superficial it choose to be around intelligent people because I don't think it is fair to expect me to be frustrated my whole life just because it isn't their fault they are stupid.

It is the same thing with looks, no one should be expected to cringe every time they look at their SO. Especially when everyone has a different opinion on what is attractive.
 
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nightling is offline nightling Post #77  July 30,2010, 7:53am
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legend29 wrote :
Ahhhhh...that's the spirit!....you feel preferences based on appearance are shallow, but you're not throwing the bath water out with the baby, huh?

But seriously...you have a very fair and balanced POV....
Preferences based on appearance and the whole shallowness bit ... I generally tend to agree with it, but just as a sort of a sidenote ... and hopefully this is not too off-topic, but I was reading an article about what you could tell about someone from their photograph. People could accurately predict such things as whether someone is an extrovert just by looking at their picture.

I read in another study that people could pick out which photograph was of a more aggressive person (testosterone based study). It seems that the more testosterone in a boy at a young age it causes the ratio of forehead to cheeks to be closer together ... ie the face is more square-shaped ... and this was a predictor for aggression. Many people could pick out from photographs which one was the more aggressive person.

It was a fascinating study, read too long ago for me to really be detailed about it. But maybe there is more to appearances sometimes than meets the eye?
 
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Bella69 is offline Bella69 Post #78  July 30,2010, 8:07am
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Chemistry: sexual attraction. No chemistry is a simple way for a man to say it is not working out, even if you feel chemistry. for me (a girl) It is gut wrenching butterflies, watching his lips and wondering what they would feel like on your skin, heart pounding, crisp button downs, loafers with no sox. flushed feeling, below the belt mania(to put it nicely) but it is extreme. You will feel it and know it. Men are visual and women are cerebral, we think too much. Relax and enjoy the ride. You will find that chemistry between you, if it is there. For some, it is a candle,others, it is a blow torch. I almost wish I was a candle, blow torches burn hard and fast and eventually blow out. I am in a blow torch situation right now, it is fun, but I know it is not going to last. It is not what you want. Becareful, blow torches come in all different packages, librarians, skydivers, and the guy next door. A librarian is usually the most fun, because it is so unexpected and it has nothing to do with what they look like or you look like.
In a nut shell, don't get so hung up on chemistry, it will happen. Don't sleep with them on the first date. I hope this helped. I hope you find the middle of the road, I did not. and am still looking.
take care, and good luck
 
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legend29 is offline legend29 Post #79  July 30,2010, 1:35pm
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nightling wrote :
Preferences based on appearance and the whole shallowness bit ... I generally tend to agree with it, but just as a sort of a sidenote ... and hopefully this is not too off-topic, but I was reading an article about what you could tell about someone from their photograph. People could accurately predict such things as whether someone is an extrovert just by looking at their picture.

I read in another study that people could pick out which photograph was of a more aggressive person (testosterone based study). It seems that the more testosterone in a boy at a young age it causes the ratio of forehead to cheeks to be closer together ... ie the face is more square-shaped ... and this was a predictor for aggression. Many people could pick out from photographs which one was the more aggressive person.

It was a fascinating study, read too long ago for me to really be detailed about it. But maybe there is more to appearances sometimes than meets the eye?
Interesting study...indeed!
 
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legend29 is offline legend29 Post #80  July 30,2010, 1:37pm
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Can_I_just_be_Jo wrote :
S'anyway, it is not that I choose to be around intelligent people because I am superficial it choose to be around intelligent people because I don't think it is fair to expect me to be frustrated my whole life just because it isn't their fault they are stupid.

It is the same thing with looks, no one should be expected to cringe every time they look at their SO. Especially when everyone has a different opinion on what is attractive.
Great points...I concur!
 
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