Excursiontd is offline Excursiontd Post #1  July 24,2010, 8:15am
Excursiontd's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Jul 2010

Posts: 6

See profile

Hello, quick question. I have been seeing this girl for going on six months now. Things moved fast from the get go, I have to say, but she was totally cool with it at first, and could not wait to see me. Then she went through a time of just wanting more space to her self, and not to see each other but a few times a week. After a little bit of time of that she started to want to see me more and do more stuff with me. To the point where we spent almost every day together when we got off work. I started staying with her pretty much all the time then. Through out this whole time she still stated that she wanted some time to her self. Then two weeks ago she said to just stay there with her from now on. I move my mattress off of my bed and put it on hers. We went over the expenses and what part of them I would be responsible for. Then yesterday she stated that she wants to back things up, and only see each other 3 or 4 nights a week. I just really don't understand this whole back and forth thing. This total change in what she says. Through out this whole time frame she also has feeling of being dissconected, and just can not feel intimate. I just have a hard time understanding it. She has had some bad relationship experiences in the past, maybe that has hurt her to much to get over.
 
  Reply With Quote
jayjay is offline jayjay Post #2  July 24,2010, 8:23am
jayjay's Avatar

...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

Sage

Joined: Jun 2008

Brownsville, TX

Posts: 10,932

See profile

She doesn't really know what she wants. Be ready for a roller coaster ride.
 
  Reply With Quote
RoxyRedhead is offline RoxyRedhead Post #3  July 24,2010, 9:27am

Unregistered

Joined: May 2009

Northwest

Posts: 3,239

See profile

She sounds confused about what her actual desires are.

Asking for space is a fair thing to do, but yo-yo-ing about it is not. When a couple moves in together, the previous 'space' has to be reevaluated and redesigned.

Is she young? Has she had successful past live in relationships?

Were I in your position, I'd pull my mattress back off her bed and move back into my apartment until she actually can come up with a workable agreement as to what 'space' means to her.

I also suspect she is simply fearful of what she is getting into and may have gotten some advice from a girlfriend who warned her about cohabitating. JJ has give you good food for thought too..be prepared for a roller coaster ride!
 
  Reply With Quote
Excursiontd is offline Excursiontd Post #4  July 24,2010, 9:45am
Excursiontd's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Jul 2010

Posts: 6

See profile

Actually she is 39, I believe old enough to know what she wants from a relationship. No she did not have sucsessfull relationships in the past. She has been married twice. Here first lasted over 10 years, and ended very badly. The second the divorce is not quite final, will be shortly, they have been seperated about 2 years. I know that she has gotten burned in both of them and not treated right. But I know that I treat her like a lady, with dignity, and respect. I try to understand her and empathize, but just can not see where she is coming from. It has been a rolla coster ride. I love her very dearly, but this is hurting me, by her doing this repeatedly.

Thanks for the input
 
  Reply With Quote
AndieIsMe is online now AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #5  July 24,2010, 10:08am
AndieIsMe's Avatar

A letter in the mail is more precious than a 1000 IMs

Volunteer Community Leader

Joined: Nov 2009

Emerald Triangle

Posts: 8,149

See profile

JMO, 10 years in a marriage does sounds quite successful. Not sure why you wouldn't think it wasn't. Are only people who never break up successful?

She sounds likes she is seeing some red flags and doesn't know how to communicate them to you. They could be simple little things that she is unwilling or unable to bring up to you. Yes, she can say "let's slow down" but not in a such a yo-yo fashion.
 
  Reply With Quote
Excursiontd is offline Excursiontd Post #6  July 24,2010, 10:16am
Excursiontd's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Jul 2010

Posts: 6

See profile

AndieIsMe wrote :
JMO, 10 years in a marriage does sounds quite successful. Not sure why you wouldn't think it wasn't. Are only people who never break up successful?

She sounds likes she is seeing some red flags and doesn't know how to communicate them to you. They could be simple little things that she is unwilling or unable to bring up to you. Yes, she can say "let's slow down" but not in a such a yo-yo fashion.

I guess I say it was not a success, was because it was abusive, and she was not able to leave until then. I asked her if she was having any hesitations about me, or any signals that were wrong "red flag", she said no. She just says she wants to slow things down and have more time and space. I respect her wishes and desicion, just don't understand it, and do not care for being played with like a yo-yo.
 
  Reply With Quote
Sassafras54 is online now Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #7  July 24,2010, 11:02am
Sassafras54's Avatar

Your Community Coordinator

Moderator

Joined: Oct 2009

San Pedro, CA

Posts: 9,081

See profile

Have you told her how the yo-yo'ing affects you? If not, she might think you're fine with it.

She sounds like she might have a lot of fear about relationships. If you love her and want a longterm relationship with her, this is going to be an ongoing issue, that will probably come up in various ways (yo yo behavior, the disconnectedness and difficulty feeling intimate -- probably other things too).

Have you considered couples counseling?

If you don't love her enough to take on these kinds of problems, it would probably be best to back out of the relationship.
 
  Reply With Quote
Excursiontd is offline Excursiontd Post #8  July 24,2010, 11:17am
Excursiontd's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Jul 2010

Posts: 6

See profile

Yes I do love her, I try to express how I feel about these changes of attitude that she has. It dose not seem to matter to her. I am trying to have paitence with her, it is very hard at times. She also will go off to run "errands" and dose not want to let me know what exactly she is doing or where she is going. That is a bothersome to me, like she has something to hide.
 
  Reply With Quote
scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #9  July 24,2010, 11:34am

no stuntman surprises or houdini like disguises for death defying escape

Unregistered

Joined: Apr 2009

Where the clouds are like headlines on a new front page sky

Posts: 10,721

See profile

Excursiontd wrote :
Yes I do love her, I try to express how I feel about these changes of attitude that she has. It dose not seem to matter to her. I am trying to have paitence with her, it is very hard at times. She also will go off to run "errands" and dose not want to let me know what exactly she is doing or where she is going. That is a bothersome to me, like she has something to hide.
sometimes errands are just errands. why does she have to specify she has to go get a bikini wax or pick up tampons?
 
  Reply With Quote
Excursiontd is offline Excursiontd Post #10  July 24,2010, 11:47am
Excursiontd's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Jul 2010

Posts: 6

See profile

Iguess I was just brought up in a family where we kept each other up todate on our activites. If I was asked where I was headed to I was glad to give the answer. But this is off the original topic.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply
  • Page 1 of 3
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3


« I need some serious advice :( | Relationships | should i completely give up on this relationship? »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
Hotel in Space 2012. If You Had Had the Money Would You Go? Private Companies Develop Space Flight. What Are Their Goals? DennisWisconsin Atheists, Humorists, and Science 27 February 4,2010 3:45pm
My boyfriend wants space: What should i do? danibuba Relationships 13 October 25,2009 8:50am
How much space do I need to give my bf? alwayslost Relationships 30 October 3,2009 6:16pm
How Much Personal Space Do You Need? Wonderwoman402 Using eHarmony 16 September 18,2009 8:49pm

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“ ^This is the better plan.. My experience has been that love usually comes along when you least expect it, and when your heart is open enough to let it in. If you try to put a set time table on when ... ” –  TheThinker

Join the “Transition from dating to relationship” discussion

“ As Ingy mentions ...he's good with the lines and multitasking relationships.. All anyone can say is: don't get played again...especially by the same guy twice... Move on to someone who is decisive ... ” –  lynntlb78

Join the “Reuniting with EX” discussion

“This varies based on your age, gender, location, settings, and 29 dimensions. My settings are fairly narrow and I've always gotten a steady stream of matches. But, my location seems to have a lot ... ” –  dmi

Join the “Different Strategy” discussion

“I'm extremely allergic to cats, plus I just don't like 'em. So I won't date someone with cats. Dogs, I love. But I'm attracted to certain types of dogs. A guy with a little yorkie turns me off. ... ” –  ZisaGirl

Join the “What about a "PET BOX" ?? again this sounds simple or??” discussion

“If you get the opportunity, yes.” –  ThePriestess

Join the “Should I ever date in college?” discussion

“...and since you're Shaun Cassidy fan mitchell...this song is just for you! "Da Doo Ron Ron" I met her on a Monday And my heart stood still Da doo ron ron ron Da doo ron ron Somebody told me That ... ” –  legend29

Join the “Robin Gibbs Dead at 62...How Deep is Your Love?” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 9:37am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0