Can't figure him out whether I should move on


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hurricaneb is offline hurricaneb Post #1  July 23,2010, 5:16am
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I started seeing a guy I met online about 3 months ago. He lives out of state and has flown in to see me once a month (he stays at a friends when he comes in). On this last visit he was saying how are we going to make this work, etc, we were talking about possible dates for meeting again without getting into specific dates. He left town 10 days ago. The only communication in the past 10 days was this one short text on day 6 telling me where he was (he travels alot for work). I responded and nothing further from him.
Should I just forget about him or what? Any advice is appreciated.
 
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lunabeach is offline lunabeach Post #2  July 23,2010, 5:22am
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If you guys were speaking, texting, or emailing every day or every few days and he dropped to one text in a week and a half, I would say it sounds like he's checked out.
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #3  July 23,2010, 5:43am
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hurricaneb wrote :
I started seeing a guy I met online about 3 months ago. He lives out of state and has flown in to see me once a month (he stays at a friends when he comes in). On this last visit he was saying how are we going to make this work, etc, we were talking about possible dates for meeting again without getting into specific dates. He left town 10 days ago. The only communication in the past 10 days was this one short text on day 6 telling me where he was (he travels alot for work). I responded and nothing further from him.
Should I just forget about him or what? Any advice is appreciated.
So, have you gone to visit him? if not, why not?
 
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Emme0264 is offline Emme0264 Post #4  July 23,2010, 6:08am
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Questioning where your relationship is going and then not emailing for a while is a pretty clear sign of a check out to me.
 
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Sassafras54 is online now Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #5  July 23,2010, 8:53am
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Is it possible he wanted you to do some of the visiting? If that's something you're willing to do, perhaps email "I'd like to visit, here are some times that work for me ...".

You could just let it go. It does sound like he's no longer pursuing. But maybe he wanted more back from you?
 
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RoxyRedhead is offline RoxyRedhead Post #6  July 23,2010, 9:21am

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He may have decided that there isn't a potential in your Long Distance Relationship-thus is retreating to minimal communication.

Really, LDRs are amongst the most difficult to maintain. I suggest you move on.
 
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ami1uwant is online now ami1uwant Post #7  July 23,2010, 9:37am
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Need more info on this last face to face meeting.

Have they seemed to grow each time. Were there any problems like he wanted to have sex and you didnt.

As he said he travel to work alot. How much of this is domestic travel vs international travel? If he is traveling international then its a little more difficult to call you knowing your schedule and his and the time differences and the cost of phone calls.

What was in communication patern before?

If you are waiting for him to contact you after 3 months of talking and meetings sends a meesage to me this is partly your fault.

At this point in a relationship I would be looking for communication both ways not just me always having to initiate conversations. Why havent ou traveled to see him?
 
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hurricaneb is offline hurricaneb Post #8  July 23,2010, 2:29pm
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Some more info:
His family lives in the same city that I do which is why he has come here. He has coordinated his dates with me to coincide with his trips.
We both have children. I have a 4 year old and he has a 16 year old. We both agreed that neither would meet the others child until we knew this was definitely going somewhere. He had told me he plans to move back here to be nearer to his family when his child turns 18. He can work anywhere. I have my own business here and it is very difficult for me to just up and go. Plus, I can't just dump my child off for days at a time.
He goes to Florida alot. I said well I will be in Florida on this date for my trip in Nov. but he would not be there at that time. he said that he would be in Florida in September. He told me well I have to go to California during this week but maybe I can fly back through here so I can see you. I told him that if he could check his calendar when he got back home we can try and coordinate something so we can see each other. I was willing to make the effort. I was also talking to him about taking a trip up to where he lives but would not be able to do it until next year. I said maybe you can come in for a football game and he seemed fine with that.
He does not do international travel. It is all domestic.
The last meeting was great. We were both kissy and hand holding. in fact after he dropped me off he even texted me about how sweet, etc. and we spoke right after he dropped me off. I sent him an email the next day with a funny comment and sent him a text that basically said safe travel and a big hug from me to you.
He then went to visit with more family members 2 hours drive away for the next couple of days and then headed home. I got the text after I hadnot heard from him for 6 days and then today is the 10th day with no further contact.
No he wasn't forcing the sex issue.
Since our first date we would call or text, not every day but on a regular basis.
Help!
 
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Sassafras54 is online now Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #9  July 23,2010, 11:10pm
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So ... it will be at least 2 years before he could move to where you are, and you can't move. You both have minor children and jobs so travel is kind of difficult. You both have busy schedules that don't gibe well.

This does not look promising, I have to say. LDRs are hard. They require a big commitment to keep the connection going.

I'm guessing he's withdrawing. You could contact him and ask to talk about it, but didn't you already do that?

Have you tried Skype? It might help you create a better connection, or at least get a better feel for what's going on. Good luck!
 
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annother is offline annother Post #10  July 24,2010, 3:16am
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The sudden change in communication patterns seems to indicate that something has changed for him. It is possible that he is simply unable to contact you for some technical reason, but I doubt that. My guess would be that he is rethinking the relationship.

For you, not knowing is very difficult. You can either just assume he is withdrawing and decide what you will do next, or you can ask him what the silence means.

Given all the complications of work and family, I'd say this is, unfortunately, the wrong time and place for the relationship to work.
 
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