Would you date someone with a disability?


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Mr. Nice Guy is offline Mr. Nice Guy Post #1  January 5,2008, 11:55am
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Could you? Would it matter whether the kind of disability was physical, mental or emotional? Would it matter how severely the person is disabled? Are there any common disabilities that you could handle in a relationship? Are there any common disabilities which you could never handle? How about any uncommon/rare disabilites? Please be specific and mention them by name. :-)
 
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Injurednotbroken is offline Injurednotbroken Post #2  January 18,2008, 11:54am
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I do not feel a disability would keep me from a relationship. But I am not sure that I have formed opinions of specific disabilities. There has to be attraction on different levels. The disability would factor in, but not necessarily detract. It would have to be specifically considered.
 
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Sarah is offline Sarah Post #3  January 18,2008, 12:56pm
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That is hard to say, it would depend on the disability and the person. I mean hey I know people who are blind, and deaf and mobility impaired and they do just fine in a relationship. I once read somewhere that Ray Charles would wait until a pretty woman approached him (he could tell by her smell) and "acted blind" to get her attention. ;-)
 
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Aunt_Yoli is offline Aunt_Yoli Post #4  January 18,2008, 4:41pm
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Since I have a disability I am not against dating someone who has a disability, as long as they are not mentally unstable meaning they could get physically abusive or are not able to control themselves, I am however looking for someone who is able to provide a living for their spouse and allow me to be the house wife I love traditional gender roles, and I want to be in a relationship that practices them, not because I am a lazy person but because my role in the family is to clean the house, prepare meals for my mate and take care of the children, all the wifly duties. and I would love doing them
 
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Christian1969 is offline Christian1969 Post #5  January 19,2008, 7:50am
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The trouble I have with physical disability is that I'm a generous and helpful person. That may seem good when dating someone with a disability but it actually isn't. The reason is that I would try to help the disabled lady as much as possible and that would simply focus the relationship on her disability. Not good! One could say: "Well, just don't do it then". That's easier said than done. I would feel very bad inside because I can't exercise my generous nature. I can't suppress that part of my personality. I was born with it and I'll die with it. I know myself very well.
 
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DianaInHouston is offline DianaInHouston Post #6  January 19,2008, 8:47am
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Absolutely, no problem.
 
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Sunday Writer is offline Sunday Writer Post #7  February 3,2008, 7:38am
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I'm married 10 years to a guy that had some health issues when we met and who is now disabled and our physical relationship is pretty thin. It is a bigger commitment than you ever imagine when you say, "for better or worse." Only you can decide if it is worth it. We are good, still finding fun together, but it is not what we planned.
 
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Maecy is offline Maecy Post #8  February 3,2008, 10:58pm
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Sunday Writer,56630 wrote :
I'm married 10 years to a guy that had some health issues when we met and who is now disabled and our physical relationship is pretty thin. It is a bigger commitment than you ever imagine when you say, "for better or worse." Only you can decide if it is worth it. We are good, still finding fun together, but it is not what we planned.
Thank you for your honesty. You stated 3 major apsects that are hard for any of us to anticipate: 1) the impact of such a commitmentupon all aspects of your life, 2) the difference between the subconcious expectations you bring into a relationship and the reality once you're in it, and 3) sex is different. I read an interview of Christopher Reeve's and his wife after his accident. Knowing what they had together physically, and then not being able to have that again, was something they had to grieve and deal with. They still loved each other, and still had a physical relationship, but it was just not the same.I think the deciding factor is the weighing of the challenges of the disability with something else you value highly in the person. Like you said, if it is worth it. The bottom line in all relationships is that none of us is perfect. We all have to weigh the strengths and the weaknesses.
 
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Maecy is offline Maecy Post #9  February 3,2008, 11:38pm
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Mr. Nice Guy, wrote :
Could you? Would it matter whether the kind of disability was physical, mental or emotional? Would it matter how severely the person is disabled? Are there any common disabilities that you could handle in a relationship? Are there any common disabilities which you could never handle? How about any uncommon/rare disabilites? Please be specific and mention them by name. :-)
I feel your questions are very valid, and I'm glad you had the courage and sensitivity to ask them. Until a person has had some experience with others that have a disability, it is difficult to make an accurate determination. Working with people with disabilites may be a helpful way to gain experience and a frame of reference to make a decision to date someone with a disability. Being that I have an adult daughter who has a cognitive disability, I can say from experience that communication can really be tough, and it gets very frustrating. My oldest son is married to a gal who has emotional disabilites for which she takes medication. Her perceptions, fears and dependence upon him has really impacted his job attendence and has halted him finishing his college degree. This in turn has had a negative affect upon his own capabilities to be a good provider.I have a friend who had a daughter who was in a wheelchair all of her life until she died near her 30th birthday. A caretaker was always needed for my friend to go to work or social activities. From this realm of experience, I would datea person with a physical disability who is emotionally stable, intelligent, educated and has developed communication skills. Being blind, deaf or unable to walk, for example,would not deter me. Emotional and Mental disabilities that frequently impactintellectual and educational compatibility and prevent developing a mutual understandingmake it too difficult to estabish a long-term relationship. These areas are very important to me, so anything that would prevent compatibility would halt my interest.
 
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Sarah is offline Sarah Post #10  February 5,2008, 5:25pm
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I've never dated someone with a physical disability but I sure as heck dated someone with mental and emotional disabilities. I've worked as a camp leader at a facility for people with phsyical disabilities. For one week, we worked with parapalegics, and quadropalegics, men and women. I had a great time working with them. I will say this, having dated guys with emotional and mental defficiencies/disabilities, that's no walk in the park!!
 
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