greeneyedgir50 is offline greeneyedgir50 Post #1  July 18,2010, 4:22pm
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I have been chatting online and on the phone with a man who lives 7-8 hours away for over a year now. Sometimes it is very often and sometimes there are weeks that go by and not a word. I do send him messages everyday just to let him know I am thinking of him and care about him. Problem is he has relapses of illness from time to time and is very tired and not too functional. He does apologize for lack of communication during those times. Anyway, we did meet about 4 months ago and decided we would like to do it again. He has been going through a relapse now, did communicate that he is doing a little better and back to work. My question is in 2 weeks I have a long weekend coming up and have thought of travelling there to surprise him, staying at a B&B not expecting to stay at his house, and just inviting him to dinner to spend some time together. Anyone have a suggestion on a better way to surprise him or do you think it's not a good idea. I'm a little concerned that if he would be out of the area for some reason...a trip for nothing..or just a relaxing couple days alone with some sightseeing in a country I've not visited before. I am in US he is in Canada. Thanks for any input.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #2  July 18,2010, 4:40pm
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While I have a lot of concerns for distance meeting, the information you provided does obviate some of my concern.

I think your idea is sound, as is your concern.

To my taste, the pragmatic value in not making this trip unannounced is a very good point.

Perhaps you can communicate that you have a "suprise" and will be visiting? Make no additional disclosure. This way, he will know to tell you if he can not be there.
 
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greeneyedgir50 is offline greeneyedgir50 Post #3  July 18,2010, 5:06pm
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Thanks for your input. I really don't want to tell him I am visiting cuz that is the surprise! What do you think of telling him I have a 'special delivery' for him but need to know if he will be home on a certain date? Does that give it away?
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #4  July 18,2010, 5:25pm
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I prefer not making a trip unannounced.

This could present so many issues: your partner had a business trip or stayed late at work, had some event with fiends or family, or a medical problem ...

Perhaps it will help to think of it this way: by announcing the trip, he has the anticipation of your visit?
 
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lunabeach is offline lunabeach Post #5  July 18,2010, 5:44pm
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Considering he has health issues, a surprise visit may not be welcomed. I know people with chronic problems, and something like a weekend with someone (even if that someone were staying elsewhere and has the intent of just relaxing) takes some careful planning and saving of energy.

I would make the surprise something else - like planning something thoughtful or fun and not telling him what it is.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #6  July 18,2010, 5:55pm
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lunabeach wrote :
I would make the surprise something else - like planning something thoughtful or fun and not telling him what it is.

This is my thought, as well.
 
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annother is offline annother Post #7  July 18,2010, 6:07pm
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A surprise visit is a bad idea. It will seem as though you were trying to "catch him" in another relationship or in some way not who he said he is.

Even if that is not your intent, surprises of this nature are often not well received. People have lives and plans that deserve respect.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #8  July 18,2010, 6:18pm
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annother wrote :
A surprise visit is a bad idea. It will seem as though you were trying to "catch him" in another relationship or in some way not who he said he is.

Having had "suprise visits" from women, this never occured to me.

Annother has another point to ponder, though.

I think there is something "wrong" when a person is afraid to make a suprise visit to a partner, due to fear that the partner is involved with another, Annother!

Have some optimism!
 
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Lostintranslation is offline Lostintranslation Post #9  July 18,2010, 6:20pm
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I would not arrive unannounced - especially if he has health issues.

I think it would still be a surprise - and a very good one - to give him notice of the trip and tell him you'd like to surprise him by coming for a visit. Tell him you're planning on staying at a B&B - and your intentions.

It is the gesture that is special and surprising and, in my opinion, solves the problem of an unannounced visit... and has the added bonus of giving you both something to look forward to.
 
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Lostintranslation is offline Lostintranslation Post #10  July 18,2010, 6:21pm
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D_Lion wrote :
Having had "suprise visits" from women, this never occured to me.

Annother has another point to ponder, though.

I think there is something "wrong" when a person is afraid to make a suprise visit to a partner, due to fear that the partner is involved with another, Annother!

Have some optimism!
I don't disagree but I think this situation is different, DL. I think since they've only met in person once -- it would be contraindicated in this particular situation.
 
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