greeneyedgir50 is offline greeneyedgir50 Post #31  July 27,2010, 6:27am
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Thanks all for your input.
Last edited by greeneyedgir50; July 27,2010 at 3:12pm.
 
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lunabeach is offline lunabeach Post #32  July 27,2010, 10:14am
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I would let it drop if you haven't heard from him for two reasons.

1) That he's seriously ill. It could be a reason he hasn't responded...and if he's too ill to call/e-mail you back, he is too ill to be in a relationship. A relationship is about give and take, and if all he can do is take then that isn't a relationship - it's caretaker/patient.

2) He's not interested. While I thought the e-mail was lovely and hit a positive and low pressure note, he may have his own issues or a different read on where the relationship is.

That particular e-mail is much too heavy and based purely on supposition. Until he gives you something to work with, I would not contact him. The ball is entirely in his court.
 
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greeneyedgir50 is offline greeneyedgir50 Post #33  July 27,2010, 11:16am
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Thanks luna for your input..it is appreciated. I will not be sending the second email or travelling to his area at this point. Cancelled the reservation a couple hours ago. Since I posted this morning I missed a call from him on my cell but he left a message saying it was a very nice gesture but he had to pass right now. He is still on meds and not feeling very well. He said he was sorry and hopefully we can do it another time. Also out for doctor appointment today and will try to call this evening. Thank God I didn't send second email... Guess for now I just hang loose and wait to see what happens.
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #34  July 27,2010, 1:52pm
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Hi greeneyes --

Well I guess that's one of the drawbacks of LDR. It's hard to act on a spontaneous desire to have fun, make the SO happy, do a surprise, etc.

Then on top of that he's ill and can't always respond to you.

I think from the 2nd email (the one you did not send) you may be taking it overly personally? You assume you offended him, you screwed up, etc. Unless he tells you you did, don't assume that.

It seems at least equally likely that he's just ill right now, and the whole LDR thing is hard to do.

Hope you get in phone contact tonight or soon!
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #35  July 27,2010, 1:53pm
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PS Could you find another way to be spontaneous? E.g. send a small gift, write him a poem and send it, etc.
 
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greeneyedgir50 is offline greeneyedgir50 Post #36  July 27,2010, 2:11pm
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Sassafras54 wrote :
PS Could you find another way to be spontaneous? E.g. send a small gift, write him a poem and send it, etc.
Hi Sassafras!

I guess I do tend to take things personally, thanks for pointing that out. LDRs are a little rough at times...I get that...for sure. I have done some spontaneous things as you've suggested. On several occasions I've sent houseplants with a single red rose as he had told me he liked both, sent balloons on his birthday last year and once when he wasn't feeling well and a couple packages with things he said he liked. He is always most appreciative of those things. I am hoping for that call tonight.....or soon!
 
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superbeetle is offline superbeetle Post #37  July 27,2010, 3:06pm
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Greeneyedgirl, just how much reciprocating has he done? It almost sounds like you've built up this LDR in your mind, but to him it's just a friendship. I am misinterpreting this?
 
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greeneyedgir50 is offline greeneyedgir50 Post #38  July 27,2010, 3:21pm
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superbeetle wrote :
Greeneyedgirl, just how much reciprocating has he done? It almost sounds like you've built up this LDR in your mind, but to him it's just a friendship. I am misinterpreting this?
Without going into detail, yea, he has done a lot of reciprocating...this LDR isn't just in my mind......
 
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nightling is offline nightling Post #39  July 27,2010, 4:20pm
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I think it can work perhaps if you couch at as hey, guess what, I'm in town. Would you like to come over?

But you need to give him the option of being unable to do so on short notice, as well, because he didn't expect your coming.

If you make him feel as if he must entertain you when you dropped in unannounced, that's putting pressure on him and it could put him out if he's too ill to enjoy your visit, or just needed to be doing other things to meet other obligations.

I personally would say you have a surprise for him and when he asks what tell him that you've got permission for time off to visit him and so you'd like to know if and when you could arrange your trip. That way, you are certain he wants you there, he can arrange to have no obligations and focus solely on you and he can even prepare a surprise or two of his own if he's inclined to do so.

Much better plan in my opinion than just showing up unannounced and expecting him to be pleased you decided to drop in right in the middle of whatever might be going on for him.
 
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annother is offline annother Post #40  July 30,2010, 12:05pm
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greeneyedgir50 wrote :
Hi Sassafras!

I guess I do tend to take things personally, thanks for pointing that out. LDRs are a little rough at times...I get that...for sure. I have done some spontaneous things as you've suggested. On several occasions I've sent houseplants with a single red rose as he had told me he liked both, sent balloons on his birthday last year and once when he wasn't feeling well and a couple packages with things he said he liked. He is always most appreciative of those things. I am hoping for that call tonight.....or soon!
From what you have said here and in earlier posts, it seems as though this relationship is a little lop-sided. Is he sending you unexpected gifts and cards? I get the feeling his illness is preventing him from putting energy (or even a lot of thought) into developing a deeper connection with you.

I know you are disappointed that he declined your offer to visit, but now I'm wondering more about his motivations. I'm trying really hard not to be negative about this, but I have had one failed LDR myself and read about many more on this site. I just hope your affection is not being misplaced.
 
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