Why does it take so long for him to reply my email?


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bellaflor77 is offline bellaflor77 Post #1  July 14,2010, 9:12am

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I was dating a guy 8 years ago.One day a common friend told me that he graduated from graduate school.So, I wrote him an email to his job account saying congratulations for your graduation, what do you plan to do now. It took him a week to reply and he said what a nice surprise to see your email, he apologized for taking so long to reply, and asked me about my life now, where was I located now. I replied, and it has been some days and still donīt get a reply. Do you think he is not interested, and replying only for courtesy?
The reason I am emailing him is because I am planning on visiting his area next year.
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #2  July 14,2010, 9:30am
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I'd assume he was busy at work.
If I email someone at work, it is with the understanding that work is their priority, not my email.

If I email their personal address, I still give them a few days before I send another email.
The other thing you added is that you plan on visiting next year, so I doubt that he feels the need to get back to you "yesterday."
 
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Sassafras54 is online now Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #3  July 14,2010, 10:46am
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He might or might not be interested in getting into contact with you. I don't think a few days is enough to indicate he isn't. 8 years since your last contact? You shouldn't really expect immediate answers.

If he hasn't answered in a week or so, you could send a "hey did you get my email?" and if he doesn't answer that, then you know where you are.
 
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PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #4  July 14,2010, 10:54am

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bellaflor77 wrote :
I was dating a guy 8 years ago.One day a common friend told me that he graduated from graduate school.So, I wrote him an email to his job account saying congratulations for your graduation, what do you plan to do now. It took him a week to reply and he said what a nice surprise to see your email, he apologized for taking so long to reply, and asked me about my life now, where was I located now. I replied, and it has been some days and still donīt get a reply. Do you think he is not interested, and replying only for courtesy?
The reason I am emailing him is because I am planning on visiting his area next year.
Too many variables. How did you guys break up? I had an ex-gf added me on facebook after seven years from our last contact, but we had a very amicable break up (more circumstantial than anything). We were able to catch up on good times and we're friends now. How did you find his email after 8 years? Maybe he was taken aback by the email out of the blue or maybe he's already in a relationship and not wanting to create any problems.
 
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Oregon_Coast_Guy is offline Oregon_Coast_Guy Post #5  July 14,2010, 12:01pm
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You don't say why you broke up with him, but if I got an awesomely paying job, and then all of a sudden, an ex comes out of the woodwork and finds a way to contact me, I would question the reason why.
 
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bellaflor77 is offline bellaflor77 Post #6  July 14,2010, 12:12pm

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Oregon_Coast_Guy wrote :
You don't say why you broke up with him, but if I got an awesomely paying job, and then all of a sudden, an ex comes out of the woodwork and finds a way to contact me, I would question the reason why.
I broke up with him because my visa expired and basically I had to leave that country. He is in another country. I was at the same school where he works now. One of my family members is on the admission committee there. He may or may not know this, but he is doing well because my relatives helped him. So it is not like I care about him only because he has a job.
 
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ami1uwant is online now ami1uwant Post #7  July 14,2010, 12:13pm
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Remember...he could have not had access to the email since he could have been on vacation or traveling for work.

He also could have read it and didnt have the time to respond (since he was at work) and then forgot about it.

If you know a personal email of his, or can get it from the mutual friend...email him there.

There area few people I used to work with who I occasionally email or call them and catch up.

He also could have just been polite to you with that response and wasnt all that into talking to you.
 
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EmergencyNurse is offline EmergencyNurse Post #8  July 14,2010, 6:09pm
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I must say that all of the previous responders made very valid points!

Re: emails: It could take me several days to respond to someone's email as I don't go on the internet that often. I may check my email from my cell phone, but it takes time and effort to write a thoughtful email unless I just dropped a very quick blurb on the run. As someone else mentioned, he might have been surprised and wondered how you got his email address unless you said "so-n-so gave it to me." Additionally, he could be consumed by work AND has a significant other in his life.

Re: your breakup: How amicably did your relationship end when your visa expired? And you dated how long? You've had absolutely NO contact over those 8 years??? If not, that's something to strongly consider. I agree with the previous responder who remarked that this guy was just being polite by replying to your email.

I believe how you broke up is a major factor and there's got to be a good reason you haven't spoken in 8 yrs.

I wouldn't read it into it. It is what it is, and don't pin any hopes on him. As hard as it is, look forward someone else who is more available. Good luck!
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #9  July 14,2010, 6:19pm
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bellaflor77 wrote :
I was dating a guy 8 years ago.One day a common friend told me that he graduated from graduate school.So, I wrote him an email to his job account saying congratulations for your graduation, what do you plan to do now. It took him a week to reply and he said what a nice surprise to see your email, he apologized for taking so long to reply, and asked me about my life now, where was I located now. I replied, and it has been some days and still donīt get a reply. Do you think he is not interested, and replying only for courtesy?
The reason I am emailing him is because I am planning on visiting his area next year.
Do we think he's not interested? You certainly shouldn't expect him to be because you wrote to him out of the blue. My guess would be that you're just way way down on his list of priorities and so he just gets around to replying to you when or if he thinks of it. I really recommend you don't make any kind of emotional investment in hoping a relationship is going to be kindled with him.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #10  July 14,2010, 6:22pm
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I agree with the advices so far.

As a "prior dating partner," you don't really rate a rapid reply.

That there is also no clear urgency to your communication supports this.

If I were on either side of this situation, the pace would seem appropriate to me.
 
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