Is it okay to have a platonic relationship with an ex?


Reply
  • Page 1 of 2
  • 1
  • 2
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Geegirl123 is offline Geegirl123 Post #1  June 21,2010, 8:17pm
Geegirl123's Avatar

I'm waiting for my Prince Charming!!

Newbie

Joined: Jul 2009

California

Posts: 10

See profile

I'm trying to get over a guy that I had an on and off relationship for the past year. During the first breakup, the hurt was so painful. Then after four months he wanted to get back together. But, his daughter was going through emotional problems and he needed to be with her; and I did not see him for one month, we only spoke on the phone. After the second breakup, I decided, that's it. I wanted no part of him. But, after all that's said and done, I still love him. Just the thought of him makes me melt with emotions. Now, to the present time. I mentioned to him to I joined e-harmony about five months ago. Guess what happened. He met the girl of his dreams on e-harmony. According to him 'cupid shot him with his arrow'. They have known each other only three weeks and SHE asked him to marry him. We are communicating through e-mail and when I read that she asked him to marry him I had to call. During our conversation I stated that now that he is moving on we could have a platonic relationship. He can call or e-mail me whenever he wants. Is this a safe thing? I am still emotionally attached to this guy. I know it may be safe, but is it the right decision? Please advise!!
 
  Reply With Quote
AndieIsMe is online now AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #2  June 21,2010, 8:46pm
AndieIsMe's Avatar

A letter in the mail is more precious than a 1000 IMs

Volunteer Community Leader

Joined: Nov 2009

Emerald Triangle

Posts: 8,149

See profile

By holding on you are only fooling yourself. You are also not allowing yourself to move on and find the man of your dreams. Don't torture yourself. Let him go, completely.
 
  Reply With Quote
jayjay is offline jayjay Post #3  June 21,2010, 8:57pm
jayjay's Avatar

...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

Sage

Joined: Jun 2008

Brownsville, TX

Posts: 10,932

See profile

AndieIsMe wrote :
By holding on you are only fooling yourself. You are also not allowing yourself to move on and find the man of your dreams. Don't torture yourself. Let him go, completely.
I agree.
 
  Reply With Quote
livenlearn is offline livenlearn Post #4  June 21,2010, 8:58pm
livenlearn's Avatar

Yay! spring has sprung.

Virtuoso

Joined: Dec 2009

cosmos

Posts: 3,439

See profile

No, how do you get over someone when they are still in your life and your not looking for another?
 
  Reply With Quote
DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #5  June 22,2010, 5:46am
DancingFool's Avatar

Power Poster

Joined: Jan 2009

Posts: 5,750

See profile

Absolutely not. You have feelings for him so there is nothing platonic about your offer of friendship. Don't kid yourself. However, do yourself a huge huge favor - don't ever contact him again - total and absolute clean break. He has moved on and you need to move on for your own sanity. You will never ever move on if he continues to be in your life in any way. Focus on healing and meeting a new person, not looking back on what was and keeping tabs on that.
 
  Reply With Quote
zephyr1973 is offline zephyr1973 Post #6  June 22,2010, 8:37am
zephyr1973's Avatar

Pacesetter

Joined: May 2010

Bawlmer Merlin

Posts: 309

See profile

Ask yourself why you made the offer.
 
  Reply With Quote
Breezy1 is online now Breezy1 Post #7  June 22,2010, 9:19am
Breezy1's Avatar

Would like her heart to be touched first...

Power Poster

Joined: May 2010

Posts: 8,170

See profile

You may not be in an emotionally strong enough position to just be friends with him. In order to move on, you need to break it altogether and find someone who will love you back.

It will just continue to hurt if you continue to communicate with him and he tells you about the happiness he's experiencing with his new girlfriend

A successful platonic relationship cannot happen until such time as you are no longer emotionally invested.
Last edited by Breezy1; June 22,2010 at 9:20am. Reason: added a line
 
  Reply With Quote
trixie1868 is offline trixie1868 Post #8  June 22,2010, 11:32am

what the bejeezus is going on round here?!

Virtuoso

Joined: Aug 2009

London

Posts: 4,703

See profile

Geegirl123 wrote :
During our conversation I stated that now that he is moving on we could have a platonic relationship. He can call or e-mail me whenever he wants. Is this a safe thing? I am still emotionally attached to this guy. I know it may be safe, but is it the right decision? Please advise!!
He can have a platonic relationship with you, he's in love with someone else, but you can't have a platonic relationship with him ~ you're in love with him!

He's moving on. You panicked. You want to keep a place holder in his life just in case it doesn't work out with little Miss Perfection or he has some sort of epiphany and realises it's you that he really loves.

How do I know? I am you.

Don't do it, I shouldn't be doing it either, but it's much easier to give you advice than to follow it myself.

Onwards and upwards toward men who are emotionally available..............I'll be right behind you.
 
  Reply With Quote
livenlearn is offline livenlearn Post #9  June 22,2010, 11:55am
livenlearn's Avatar

Yay! spring has sprung.

Virtuoso

Joined: Dec 2009

cosmos

Posts: 3,439

See profile

Yup, this is the example of not seeing the forest for the trees.
Lots of us have been there.
 
  Reply With Quote
beaner is offline beaner Post #10  June 22,2010, 12:36pm
beaner's Avatar

is happy.

Quick Study

Joined: Sep 2009

New Jersey

Posts: 69

See profile

I agree that a lot of us have been there. I have. While the urge to keep in touch is strong, resist it. Stay away from him physically and emotionally. Good luck!
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply
  • Page 1 of 2
  • 1
  • 2


« Are Expectations EVER met in an LDR? | Relationships | Wondering if this changes anything... »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
Facebook relationship status change beatlejuice72 Dating 27 January 16,2011 7:51am
Devoting too much to the relationship toonice26 Relationships 21 August 21,2010 8:46am
Depression Destroying the Relationship Kaspar11 Relationships 32 July 5,2010 4:49pm
Married man seeking platonic female friendship skeeety Christian Singles 24 April 23,2010 12:06pm
She just wants us to be "dating" and not a relationship. secretagent4777 Relationships 21 October 29,2009 2:15pm

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“ ^This is the better plan.. My experience has been that love usually comes along when you least expect it, and when your heart is open enough to let it in. If you try to put a set time table on when ... ” –  TheThinker

Join the “Transition from dating to relationship” discussion

“ As Ingy mentions ...he's good with the lines and multitasking relationships.. All anyone can say is: don't get played again...especially by the same guy twice... Move on to someone who is decisive ... ” –  lynntlb78

Join the “Reuniting with EX” discussion

“This varies based on your age, gender, location, settings, and 29 dimensions. My settings are fairly narrow and I've always gotten a steady stream of matches. But, my location seems to have a lot ... ” –  dmi

Join the “Different Strategy” discussion

“I'm extremely allergic to cats, plus I just don't like 'em. So I won't date someone with cats. Dogs, I love. But I'm attracted to certain types of dogs. A guy with a little yorkie turns me off. ... ” –  ZisaGirl

Join the “What about a "PET BOX" ?? again this sounds simple or??” discussion

“If you get the opportunity, yes.” –  ThePriestess

Join the “Should I ever date in college?” discussion

“...and since you're Shaun Cassidy fan mitchell...this song is just for you! "Da Doo Ron Ron" I met her on a Monday And my heart stood still Da doo ron ron ron Da doo ron ron Somebody told me That ... ” –  legend29

Join the “Robin Gibbs Dead at 62...How Deep is Your Love?” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 9:33am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0