Edenshire is offline Edenshire Post #1  June 5,2010, 11:48am
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I started dating a wonderful man about a month and a half ago. We've moved very quickly, almost moving in together after 2 weeks. We've talked about getting married, our future, everything. It's not one-sided, either, he's actually more serious than I'm sure I am! However, I find it strange that we haven't exchanged I love you's. I know it's been a very short amount of time, but we are obviously in love.
Shouldn't the "I love you" come before the "I want to live together," or even the marriage/honeymoon plans? Why would he be waiting to say it?
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #2  June 5,2010, 11:54am
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Edenshire wrote :
However, I find it strange that we haven't exchanged I love you's. I know it's been a very short amount of time, but we are obviously in love.
wrote :
Why would he be waiting to say it?
If it's so obvious...how come you haven't said it?
 
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jayhawkgirl is offline jayhawkgirl Post #3  June 5,2010, 11:55am
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There are so many red flags here, I don't even know where to begin.

Yes, it's too soon. Too soon for everything you've described.

I will admit that it may happen occasionally---very rarely, actually---that you can know so soon that you "love" someone, but I'd be very cautious.

Out of curiosity, how old are both of you? Have you been in serious relationships before?
 
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Edenshire is offline Edenshire Post #4  June 5,2010, 11:57am
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We are in our 30's and yes, have been in serious relationships. No children, no marriage. I know it's fast, I would have had the same response before this. Thank you for your opinions, though.
 
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jayhawkgirl is offline jayhawkgirl Post #5  June 5,2010, 12:06pm
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Based on my own experience and that of many friends and acquaintances, I think you should be with someone for a full calendar year before making a permanent commitment. You may think you know someone, but until you've spent more time together you can't know for sure that what you're seeing and experiencing is the "real" person.

Particularly at the three-month and six-month marks in relationships there are often subtle and not-so-subtle shifts in attitudes and behaviors. People often take stock and decide (sometimes subconsciously) whether to continue the relationship or break up.

I didn't mean to rain on your parade---just urging caution. I wish you the best and hope it works out for you!
 
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Sassafras54 is online now Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #6  June 5,2010, 12:08pm
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Some people are less verbal than others.

I don't think I would marry or live with someone if I didn't feel ok about asking him if he loved me, or telling him I loved him. ?? Are you sure it's not going too fast? I bet you hate hearing that! I would, in your shoes.

In fact I was in your shoes, in my 30's. Now in my 50s I can tell you people in their 30s sometimes jump in way too fast! (So do people in their 40s, 50s, ...)
 
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Breezy1 is online now Breezy1 Post #7  June 5,2010, 12:17pm
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He may not be comfortable saying the words, or he may not feel the emotion strongly enough to say it. There are a few reasons why someone would want to move so quickly into a relationship, besides love.

How do you know that he isn't wondering the same thing about you?

I would either come right out and say it to him, or ask him if he feels that way about you, and gauge his reaction.

If you're wondering about this at this point in the relationship, the need to hear it from him is only going to intensify as the relationship grows stronger.
 
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landstar59 is offline landstar59 Post #8  June 5,2010, 12:18pm
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Edenshire wrote :
I started dating a wonderful man about a month and a half ago. We've moved very quickly, almost moving in together after 2 weeks. We've talked about getting married, our future, everything. It's not one-sided, either, he's actually more serious than I'm sure I am! However, I find it strange that we haven't exchanged I love you's. I know it's been a very short amount of time, but we are obviously in love.
Shouldn't the "I love you" come before the "I want to live together," or even the marriage/honeymoon plans? Why would he be waiting to say it?
He's either in need of a place to live or he needs help with his rent. He is playing you. I had the same thing happen to me when I was 19 but this guy was 29 and divorced. He never told me he loved me, he bought me expensive stuff and the more I was with him the more I saw I didn't want to be. Put some distance between you and this guy and really rehash in your head what is going on. You need some clarity.
 
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Rainfallgirl is offline Rainfallgirl Post #9  June 5,2010, 12:28pm
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Slow way down.... one day not too long from now you will be glad you did.
 
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Jules5401 is offline Jules5401 Post #10  June 5,2010, 3:35pm
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It'd be good if you can find a way to come out of your "love bubble" and look rationally at this man and this situation.

One of my very good friends is currently struggling with a man that sounds similar to this. They moved in together very quickly and he was the one SO in love, and driving the relationship to the next and next level. They were shopping for rings very quickly. And don't ya know, once she found the perfect one....BAM. The brakes were thrown on and she went into a tizzy wondering what she did wrong.

After a bunch of therapy (her thinking she needed to change) she learned that while it was great to be in that whirlwind of a romance, it wasn't very realistic. He was all caught up in the moment until reality hit. Over a year after finding that perfect ring they still aren't engaged and at this point neither is sure where the realtionship was going.

You have an obligation to yourself to put on the brakes and bring him back down to reality. Especially if you're saying you're not sure you're as serious as he is.
 
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