ComeoutVirginia is offline ComeoutVirginia Post #1  May 6,2010, 8:13am
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I recently took up hunting and was out hunting with my boyfriend's father, brother and a mutual friend of ours. Boyfriend unable to go because he injured his back and can't walk very far. Anyway, the
friend and I went to a spot to sit and call for turkeys. This friend
is an expert caller and went with me to help because it's all new to me.

Anyway, we were having relaxed conversation about all kinds of things, etc. He mentioned that when you learn to call properly and
find birds "it's better than sex". I laughed and very matter of factly
said, it's been so long, I couldn't tell if it is or not. Simply statement of fact. No derogatory intent. Nothing else said. Moved on to something else. (Due to boyfriend's back problem we
haven't been intimate in anyway for a while by the way). Friend could/should conclude that there is a drought in that area under the circumstances.

Well, the friend mentioned it to boyfriend later. I don't know in what
context. Boyfriend casually brought it up, wasn't upset at all and it
kinda dropped. But he mentioned it again, and said it's not something
that should be said to a guy. This friend is someone we've both known forever.

So, how would a guy use/view something like that? I've apologized to boyfriend and said I would be more careful about what I say in the future, but not really sure what I'm apologizing for. He says he's ok
with it, was just ribbing me. But still makes me think about how I
don't really know how guys think.
 
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reddragonfly is offline reddragonfly Post #2  May 6,2010, 8:41am
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I don't think it has to do with how guys think. Your comment basically told this friend that you and your boyfriend haven't been intimate in a long time, which no one's business but yours and your boyfriend's. While I wouldn't get angry about it, I wouldn't be pleased either.

Personally, whatever happens, or doesn't happen, in the bedroom, should stay in the bedroom, and not become fodder for jokes or flippant comments in casual conversation with others.
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #3  May 6,2010, 8:41am
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Ok, from my point of view,, as a male...here goes:

"It's better than sex..."
is one thing guys sometimes say to each other, because they try to emphasize how good it really has to be, to be better than sex.
It's one of those expressions that is like a rhetorical question..no response needed, and very rarely responded to..just a sort of a "wink and a nod" joke, that's all.

But, I'd venture to guess when you said back to the friend, "It's been so long"..etc...he felt you may have violated a code of trust between you & his friend...
I know, it sounds ridiculous, because he was the one who then went and blabbed it to your BF, but it is what it is.

There's sort of an unspoken code among most guys...they don't talk about their sex lives with their GFs or wives, with other guys...behind their SO's back, they just don't..

Ok, here's the confusing part:

They may look at a woman walking down the street and say to each other, "Wow, look at her a--!" or something similar but you don't talk about other guys wives or GFs...that's usually the way it is with guys.

Bottom line, I don't think he's going to hold a grudge against you forever, but I would bet he's going to be guarded a bit about what he tell you in the future, especially in the area of your sex lives.

Those are my thoughts.
Last edited by TheThinker; May 6,2010 at 8:47am.
 
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ComeoutVirginia is offline ComeoutVirginia Post #4  May 6,2010, 9:14am
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Well these guys are pretty out there when they talk about sex etc. anyway. And, as I said, that was a conclusion that could have
been drawn anyway, so wasn't saying anything that probably isn't
obvious.

I'm thinking now that maybe this friend is not as close a friend as
we thought, if something was said that he would think my boyfriend
might find a problem, he would not say anything about it again to
either of us. This friend has made comments, remarks, observations,etc. that I don't repeat to anyone else who was mentioned because I know it stops there, between friends, whatever. Or sometimes things said in anger. I chalk it up to that. I can tell that there was no real bad intention and leave it there. There were no details included. I wouldn't put it all
out there and it's just a blip on the screen, not a entire relationship
issue.

As I said earlier, I will be much more guarded about what I say in the future. But now, I'm little P O'd at friend. He could have done me the courtesy of chalking it up to a misstep, brain fart and not causing any discomfort between boyfriend and I. (not that it's such a big deal). I've never said anything off-color or mean or anything ever about anyone we hang with or about boyfriend. They know me enough to know my nature.
 
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szgorzelski is offline szgorzelski Post #5  May 6,2010, 12:56pm
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He may have told you that he was just ribbing you, but it may have really hurt his feelings, and that was his way of letting you know. As a man, I can tell you that a man takes pride in his libido and sexual abilities. Right now your guy, considering he has a bad back and all, isn't up to par. This is taking a toll on his ego. Women may not understand the whole ego thing, but it is very important to us. You insulted his manhood. You did say you're sorry, but because you had no idea what you were sorry about it's certainly possible that he may not have considered your apology as genuine. As a man, I'm telling you with certainty that you bruised his ego and reminded him that from a sexual aspect, due to injury, he is less of a man right now. He isn't really less of a man, obviously, but he's feeling that way and you reminded him of that, to a friend no less. If you think I'm right, which I'm pretty sure I am, you might want to apologize again. This time let him know that you understand why you're apologizing. I'm sure he'll appreciate the understanding and actully forgive you, which I'm sure he hasn't done yet deep down.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #6  May 6,2010, 2:20pm
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reddragonfly wrote :
I don't think it has to do with how guys think. Your comment basically told this friend that you and your boyfriend haven't been intimate in a long time, which no one's business but yours and your boyfriend's. While I wouldn't get angry about it, I wouldn't be pleased either.

Personally, whatever happens, or doesn't happen, in the bedroom, should stay in the bedroom, and not become fodder for jokes or flippant comments in casual conversation with others.

I agree with this comment.

I would probably not care about being the pretext for a Joke, myself, but making my private life "unprivate" is a serious trust problem.
 
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howardtheduck is offline howardtheduck Post #7  May 6,2010, 6:17pm
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Basically, you blew it. You and your boyfriends private intimate life, is just that. Not shareable. As a gentleman, I do not kiss and tell. As a gentlewoman, you should not either. especially to a "friend" of your opposite sex.
 
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nightling is offline nightling Post #8  May 7,2010, 8:23am
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Quite simply, your guy's dignity was not preserved. It may have just slipped out and if you had thought more about it, you'd not have been so tacky and thoughtless.

I think you owe him a sincere apology and a promise to be more discreet.

I also agree the friend who stirs up trouble by repeating an ill thought comment that slipped out in casual conversation may not really be a friend. I would be very guarded about what I say around such a person.
 
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ComeoutVirginia is offline ComeoutVirginia Post #9  May 7,2010, 8:34am
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I did apologize and promise to be careful in the future. He accepted
it. I also addressed it with that friend and boyfriend together. He mean't no ill will either. He didn't say it to dig boyfriend. He just thought it was funny because boyfriend had said that his back problems were causing him to "miss out on fun things besides hunting" a few days ago. wink, wink, etc. Boyfriend then said, guess we're both missing that part of relationship for the moment, and that's a good thing.
 
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DrTonto is offline DrTonto Post #10  May 8,2010, 5:56am

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[LEFT wrote :
ComeoutVirginia[/left];971889]I did apologize and promise to be careful in the future. He accepted
it. I also addressed it with that friend and boyfriend together. He
mean't
no ill will either. He didn't say it to dig boyfriend. He just thought it was funny because boyfriend had said that his back problems were causing him to "miss out on fun things besides hunting" a few days ago. wink, wink, etc. Boyfriend then said, guess we're both missing that part of relationship for the moment, and that's a good thing.
Dear Virgina,
I don't think an apology was required, you were just being "one of the guys".

I do think that your hunting partner acted like and old wash women telling tales out of school. It's called being an instigator or trouble maker. Your guy and his pal acted like boys, instead of men or just small minded.

Payback is due to one or both and I thought that it was a good answer and your guy and his friend viewed it as some kind of put down and blabbed to his buddy? Ask him why? What is said in the office should remain in the office, ditto for hunting.
Last edited by DrTonto; May 8,2010 at 6:03am.
 
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