Its horrible i know... but need advice please


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mcdonmic is offline mcdonmic Post #1  April 24,2010, 9:36am
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So here's the scoop...
Ive been dating one girl for 2 years, a quite girl, independant, and is completely crazy about me but i dont have the same strong feelings for her, she's great dont get me wrong, just feel as though I need a girl who's a little more outgoing and confident in herself.
And the horrible part...
I've also been dating another girl for about 6 months, we met randomly and I enjoy spending time with her a little more then the other one, find this one to be more attractive and more my type but yet i dont trust her completely? Not sure if its because i dont get the same comfort level as i do with girl 1 or if its just me?
Ive been hating myself for months carrying both relationships and I really want to end things with one and be fully commited to one....

Any advice????
 
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Rynok is offline Rynok Post #2  April 25,2010, 11:02am
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You don't deserve either girl, break it off with both of them, decide what you want, and then start searching again.

Right now, your simply using the first, for 2 years, while you look elseware for a more fulfilling relationship. People are not things to be used like that. If you don't feel a connection, then you need to talk about it, not go behind their back and look elseware.

In a perfect world, with 50/50 male/female distribution, everyone would find someone. Unfortunately, some people like to date more than one person, which throws the numbers off for the rest.
 
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suzyque is online now suzyque Post #3  April 25,2010, 11:15am
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Well, you're living a lie to the first girl. I would break it off with her as it is cruel to keep dating her while your dating another. If after two years you feel this way about her, then she is not the girl for you...I'm sorry. You say you don't trust girl number two. Really, why should she trust you? You are dating another while dating her? That's kinda crazy. But, even with my scolding, in my view, dating is just that...dating. You have not made a lifelong commitment to her as in a marriage relationship. But you are being dishonest and lying to her. Let her go so she can find someone who will love her just as she is.
I agree with the other poster, let both go and start over.
 
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Wootz is offline Wootz Post #4  April 25,2010, 11:26am
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Come clean. With both of them.

The first lass you need to have a serious talk with, and admit to your faults here. I believe that honesty is *essential* to the longevity of a relationship- and in my experience, the longer I let things go, the messier, harder, and more painful it is when the truth comes out and things end.

Take up your courage and treat her like the woman she is, worthy of your respect. At the very least give her the truth.

The second lass needs to hear things as well, but the first has a greater claim on you- so you deal with your long term lass first. The second I'd divulge things as well- including that I was already with someone when I met her.

I am not really seeing a good end to this- except maybe lessons learned. Stick with the facts, don't stoop to personal attacks even if they are thrown at you, and be prepared to be left alone with a new reputation. That's one bad ending I might foresee.

The more mature and honest one is at this point, the better one comes off, I think. There has been trust betrayed here. It is time and past time to address it, and start looking for healthier relationships- for the three of you individually, most likely. I wish you luck, lad. Stand up straight, chin up, face this thing down.

This is just my opinion. You may receive many and different opinions from this board- take each with a grain of salt (even mine). Choose the tactic that works best for you and yours. *You* are the one who must bear responsibility for your own actions- we cannot. So with that in mind, choose carefully and as wisely as you can.
 
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TrekRyder10 is offline TrekRyder10 Post #5  April 25,2010, 11:34am
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mcdonmic wrote :
Any advice????
a.Flip a coin
b.pin the tail on a girfriend
c.enee-meenie-minee-mo
d.buy a shovel and make the hole you're digging deeper


Come'on dude.. if you wanted to be in a committed relationship with girl #1 there wouldn't be a girl #2..
 
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nancymargritangelita is offline nancymargritangelita Post #6  April 25,2010, 11:34am
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You're not just living a lie with the first girl, you're living a lie with both of them. I agree with everyone else - you've got to come clean with both of them before they find out about each other. Life is going to be much more difficult for all three of you if the girls find out about each other. Then break it off with one or both of them. You need to decide what it is you want out of a relationship and then go for it.
 
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nancymargritangelita is offline nancymargritangelita Post #7  April 25,2010, 11:36am
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TrekRyder10 wrote :
d.buy a shovel and make the hole you're digging deeper


Come'on dude.. if you wanted to be in a committed relationship with girl #1 there would be a girl #2..
I agree with this. Girl 2 isn't giving you the trust you need so you're not going to commit to her either.
 
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jayhawkgirl is offline jayhawkgirl Post #8  April 25,2010, 12:30pm
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Yuk.

That is all.
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #9  April 25,2010, 1:15pm
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op, i admire the fact that you posted your post (although anonymously, of course) but I'm curious as to how you rationalized being with both? you're even calling girl 1 "great". i cant wrap my brain around this.
 
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brneyedangel is offline brneyedangel Post #10  April 25,2010, 1:20pm
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Do both of these women a favor and end both relationships.

Figure out what the heck you want. Don't get into a relationship until you can do that AND until you can learn to appreciate what you have without roaming off to find "something better."

Oh, and a little maturity wouldn't hurt either.

Sorry if this sounds harsh, but the sense of entitlement some people seem to feel when it comes to what they can do and how they can treat others in relationships just appalls me sometimes.
 
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