Video Games = "Other Woman"


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unglaubliche is offline unglaubliche Post #1  April 10,2010, 2:08pm
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My boyfriend and I have been together for 2.5 years. We are pretty serious, care very much for one another, and see our relationship as going the distance. One giant things stands in our way, however: his laptop. My boyfriend is a video gaming nerd! I know... I know... if I didn't love him!

Every time there is downtime or if I leave a room, he busts out his mammoth laptop and starts blowing things up in his video game world. As a non-gamer, I have done my best to accept his hobby, but it has become increasingly difficult. I feel like there is a third person in our relationship... "another woman." When I express the desire to cuddle, spend time together, or chat he explains we can do it while he plays. When I persist, knowing full well that he is not a multitasker, he becomes agitated and insists I am demanding. But, I let him play when I'm watching a television show, grading papers, and for 2+ hours at night while I sleep (we have different schedules for work). How much time with his laptop does he need?

He and I have talked about this issue until we were blue in the face. He says that video games are his television, a legitimate argument. I just feel like I am constantly vying for his full and undivided attention... trying to pull him away from this "other woman." What can I do?

It really bothers me when his video game characters take priority over real life. Me... or recently his test to achieve his engineer's license. I just want to spend time with my man... not his giant, humming laptop. What do I do? How do I get him to put down the games and rejoin reality?
 
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cp30 is offline cp30 Post #2  April 10,2010, 2:16pm

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I don't know. This is one of the things I consider my 'due diligence' to find out about before I get involved.

This is one of those things I've tried to describe when talking about other topics here. Men have said to try the 'nice guy' or the 'less attractive guy'

I don't know how attractive your guy is or how nice he is but the thing is this.

Being blown off for a video game is still being blown off, as you describe -- it's the other woman!

Whatever good qualities he has don't really make up for the fact that he is being...a jerk.

I dont know how to help you, I only know that addictions like this can be severe.

A lot of times me like this don't change until the woman leaves them, and then some other woman benefits from his learning experience.

Talking to him probably won't help, serious consequences might.

It's all about what you are willing to live with and how worth it all this is to you.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #3  April 10,2010, 2:37pm
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unglaubliche wrote :
How do I get him to put down the games and rejoin reality?

Take your clothes off?!

***

If your partner favors different pasttimes than you, this could be an issue in a compatability sense.

If he is ignoring you and not available to a reasonable degree, I'd call that a deal-breaker (and I agree with C3P0: this is a matter to check before becoming involved.)

***

I think the way to go is to negotiate some limits.

Video games, internet, phone calls, tv, pets, friends, etc, can all get in the way of a relationship.

I suggest standing somewhat firm on him being available to you.
 
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annother is offline annother Post #4  April 10,2010, 3:30pm
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In one sense this is no different from having a partner who likes to go fishing, or fix cars, or ski. They spend a lot of time doing it. In another sense, though, it is a barrier between you. He is doing something that occupies all his attention while in your company.

If this hobby can't be contained to a prescribed amount of time when you are not together, I would say this is a deal breaker, too.
 
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Mr79percent is offline Mr79percent Post #5  April 10,2010, 3:58pm
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Is his video gaming something that that he just starts up on his own like a single person shooter, or a MMORPG like WoW where he has "buddies" he plays with and possibly "obligations" to be online at certain times?
 
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ThePriestess is online now ThePriestess Post #6  April 10,2010, 4:05pm
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New Zelda and Metroid coming for the Wii this year!!!
 
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ThePriestess is online now ThePriestess Post #7  April 10,2010, 4:07pm
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D_Lion wrote :
Take your clothes off?!
And get a Brazilian!!!
Last edited by ThePriestess; April 10,2010 at 4:08pm. Reason: The Breakup, Jennifer Aniston, .... mmm
 
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Oregon_Coast_Guy is offline Oregon_Coast_Guy Post #8  April 10,2010, 4:57pm
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I bet if you spend the night somewhere else for a few days, he will catch on.
 
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ThePriestess is online now ThePriestess Post #9  April 10,2010, 5:42pm
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Oregon_Coast_Guy wrote :
I bet if you spend the night somewhere else for a few days, he will catch on.
If he plays WoW, he won't even realize she's missing :P
 
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lisadani is offline lisadani Post #10  April 10,2010, 9:53pm
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I'm into gaming (at least somewhat) myself. I don't really watch regular TV on my own; I like games because they're interactive, and I can do it with my friends. So it's socializing and it's challenging, and watching TV is just boring by comparison. It's also a really great escape from thinking about work and other stressors, and being an introvert, I really enjoy and look forward to that time.

But I also know where to draw the line (at least I think I do). I've seen a lot of gamers that know when to sign off the game for their significant others. And I've seen a lot of other people (possibly with more addictive personalities?) that just don't know when to quit. They play and play until it ruins the rest of their lives, and then quit the game forever. There's just no balance for these people.

I don't know which kind of person your man is, but this is definitely a conflict of interest for the two of you. You're just not interested in something that he seems to really love, which could be a problem forever, even if he quits this particular game.
 
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