Freaking out - worst day of my life

This is my very first post. I desperately need advice!

I met the man of my dreams on eharmony 18 months ago. On Christmas, he proposed. I was totally not expecting it and of course I said yes. It's the most amazing relationship I ever had.

My fiance lives across state lines. It's a 71 mile drive. I have a 4 year old son who is with me half the time. He is with his dad one week and with me the next week. During my "off" weeks with my son, I work more hours (I do acupuncture) and when I have my son I usually work during the day while he's in school. My fiance will come visit while my son is with me and has grown attached to him.

I want to move up to where my fiance lives so we can get married. My fiance is an only child and lives a mile from his mom who is wheelchair bound and he takes her to lunch every day. This is non-negotiable and I've known since day one not to interfere. My fiance also has an excellent job with amazing benefits in Massachusetts. I live in northwestern Connecticut.

My son's father is going to do everything he can to prevent the move. Even though it's only 70 miles away, he won't budge. For the past 3 months, I've been offering him numerous visitation schedules and even offered to drop child support. He INSISTS that our son stay in this town and I remain local.

We went to court in January and went through mediation. No progress. Now our case was turned over to family services, and they sided with my son's dad. They really believe that an hour drive will be harmful to a child.

I either have to give primary residence to my son's father or break up with my fiance. Both solutions sicken me. My fiance can't move.
Is it wrong to do this so I can go get married? I feel guilty allowing my son to live with his dad so I can move out of state to get married, even though I am fighting for as much visitation as I can. Every other weekend is NOT an option. I want much more than that.

My attorney is suggesting that I move anyway and get visitation. Is it ever okay to choose a spouse over your child?

My ex was VERY happy with the outcome. He's always hated that I moved on and he asks me at least once a week if we can get back together.

You chose to bring a life into this world and that child depends totally on you and his Father.

The courts were spot on. They could care less about you - they care about your kid - as they should.

Your child is either your first priority or you must determine that he is not.

Sorry for the tough Love, but as your fiance feels a responsibility for his Mother, you have an equally or perhaps greater responsibility to your offspring, don't you?

You can move. You do not need to stay in the same town. It is highly likely that you can be approximately 30 minutes away and maintain 50/50. I am nealry 100% certain any Court would agree to that. It would only be a matter of where the child would attend school (which will likely have an impact on custody down the road) but that would be best sorted NOW before he starts in formal schooling.

If you and your Finace could agree to split the distance and you could find somewhere in between, it seems you both can win as can the people that you each support.

Otherwise, you have to make a choice whether to have a man who values his responsibilities fully ahead of yours or the welfare of your son.

I do understand how upsetting this must be, but my advice is to make a choice that you will truly be able to live with. Look within yourself and determine where your loyalties lie.

across state lines is an issue. and many people have long commutes (i'm one of them) and that's an issue. i know people bound by the courts to live in a certain area - i don't think you want to go there. if his dad is a good parent, i'd consider letting him have primary residence. yadda yadda, i know that sounds awful and you'll be missing out on the cute years. but your son'll get a single place to live, and stability like that is a good thing for kids.