Freaking out - worst day of my life


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jcw001 is offline jcw001 Post #11  March 18,2010, 8:06am
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indigo79 wrote :
Wow, THANK YOU for the parental advice.

My son's father's visitation schedule would NOT CHANGE AT ALL. He would still see his child half the time. I am able and willing to do all the driving needed so they can maintain the bond that they have. Did you read my post?
I did read your post, but that is not what the Father agrees with nor what the Court agrees with, isn't that correct?

You have to work within the limitations or, like I said, you have to choose that your Fiance and the potential life that might lead to is more important than your son.

I am trying to help you understand potential paths based on the reality of things... whatever choice you make is for you to decide and own.
 
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Dafearon is offline Dafearon Post #12  March 18,2010, 8:47am
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This is a little extreme, but....

Can your fiance AND her mother move down to you if they're willing?

I mean, he may have to increase his commute by a whole lot, but at least his mother, if she is willing could still be close to you.

Just an option no one has brought up yet.
 
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tjlpd is offline tjlpd Post #13  March 18,2010, 9:04am
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Can you give primary residency to the father but maintain the every other week custody? Are you going to be able to maintain that when your son attends school? Can your fiance move somewhere in the middle?

I think JCW and Dafearon have very good points. You need people to be flexible and maybe you need to be more flexible. I think you will seriously regret it if you decide to give up your child.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #14  March 18,2010, 9:14am
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OP, if I were you I'd look around for a better attorney and then revisit the issue of moving. Also, I know you've tried, but all you can do is try again to reach some kind of a friendly agreement with your ex and overcome his vindictive behavior.
 
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NMS is offline NMS Post #15  March 18,2010, 9:16am
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I have a friend who was in a similar situation (she was told that she could take the kids though but decided not to because she was moving 6 states away and thought it would be more stress on them), she decided to move in with her fiance. Eventually it didn't work out and now she is back home and she is just not as close with her kids.

I don't remember if you have joint custody, or full custody with the father having visitation, but I have full custody and was told that my ex can't stop me from moving as long as i prove it is to better my life, and not to put a hardship on my ex. An example they gave was if I found a job in another state. I live in RI, but you could check to see if you get a job near where your fiance lives if this would change anything.

If that doesn't work I would say it comes down to who is more important, your son or your possible future mother in law. Could you have your fiance and you move somewhere in the middle. Then he would only be 30 minutes or so from his mom.

I understand your fiance's position but I couldn't imagine leaving my son for a guy, even if he was prince charming.
 
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Dafearon is offline Dafearon Post #16  March 18,2010, 9:41am
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The sad part about this, at least from what i read, is that the ex has no compulsion of using the child as a weapon in his quest to "win".

This is just the symptom. Others will come.
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #17  March 18,2010, 10:08am
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Dafearon wrote :
The sad part about this, at least from what i read, is that the ex has no compulsion of using the child as a weapon in his quest to "win".

This is just the symptom. Others will come.
exactly. while i agree with JCW's post that the child be the first priority, the behavior that the ex is displaying isn't what i consider good parenting. after all, he's using the child as a tool to keep her under his control, and that worries me.

while i agree that a child needs both parents, he doess't need a parent that is just using him to get back at his mother.
 
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indigo79 is offline indigo79 Post #18  March 18,2010, 10:14am
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NMS wrote :
I have a friend who was in a similar situation (she was told that she could take the kids though but decided not to because she was moving 6 states away and thought it would be more stress on them), she decided to move in with her fiance. Eventually it didn't work out and now she is back home and she is just not as close with her kids.

I don't remember if you have joint custody, or full custody with the father having visitation, but I have full custody and was told that my ex can't stop me from moving as long as i prove it is to better my life, and not to put a hardship on my ex. An example they gave was if I found a job in another state. I live in RI, but you could check to see if you get a job near where your fiance lives if this would change anything.

If that doesn't work I would say it comes down to who is more important, your son or your possible future mother in law. Could you have your fiance and you move somewhere in the middle. Then he would only be 30 minutes or so from his mom.

I understand your fiance's position but I couldn't imagine leaving my son for a guy, even if he was prince charming.
My son's dad is an amazing father. I know if I move out of state without my son, even though my son would still have a great life, I will regret it.

I was contemplating doing this when I was very emotional. My ex said if he gets primary residence he will agree for me to have my son 160 days a year, which is about 44% of the time.

I could have my marriage and have my son 44% of the time. But... it still doesn't sit well with me and it just looks "bad". I am a little old school and I think I should have him 50% of the time or more.

We now have joint legal custody and shared physical custody. His primary residence is with me, but he is literally with his dad half the time, during the school year and over the summer.

My ONLY option to get what I want is to homeschool. My ex would be on board totally and my job allows me the flexibility to do it. Ex and I both have degrees and the patience of Job. We can continue the schedule we already have and my son's schooling would be through both his parents.

So many emotions running through my head
 
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indigo79 is offline indigo79 Post #19  March 18,2010, 10:18am
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jcw001 wrote :
I did read your post, but that is not what the Father agrees with nor what the Court agrees with, isn't that correct?

You have to work within the limitations or, like I said, you have to choose that your Fiance and the potential life that might lead to is more important than your son.

I am trying to help you understand potential paths based on the reality of things... whatever choice you make is for you to decide and own.
I really owe you an apology. I was rude and snotty to you. I felt you were judging me and I realize you were only trying to help.

My ex is such an amazing father, but soooo vindictive. He wants to punish me for moving on and that's why he fought so hard to keep me close. He knows that I am more than willing to do shared custody with an hour's drive in between us, but he is so intimidated by how great my fiance is.

My fiance makes six figures and if he moved to my town, his commute would be 2 hours one way. 4 hours a day in a car, plus a 9 hour work day... sounds like quality of life would diminish.

I am willing to care for his mom and she could live with us. I love her to death. I give her acupuncture all the time to help her deal with pain (she has severe MS and is wheelchair bound). It's really about his job

Your sympathy really helps, thank you everyone!
 
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Lilycat is offline Lilycat Post #20  March 18,2010, 10:31am
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1) You can't have it all, so you need to figure out what you want. Obviously your child's interests are a part of this, but they should not be the only factor in your decision.

2) It has been said here before, I think - get another lawyer! See if you can have this revisited, this is an odd decision IMHO.

Unless there is someting big you are leaving out here, that decision does not make a lot of sense to me.

Good luck with this, and keep us posted.

Lilycat
 
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