FwrduntoDawn is offline FwrduntoDawn Post #1  March 17,2010, 9:16pm
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This whole story spans about 5 months so I am going to try to keep it short and simple.
I meet this girl that threw work, who originally was a relationship, interest but she was supposedly only intrested in being friends. I sometimes do keep "freindzoned" women as firends so I ageed to the firends deal, and for a time it was good.

Sadly she ran into some rather sever sexual harassment issues at work. She came to me for help, being a ombudsman for claims in my last job, and well versed in business law I agreed to help, and in part due to the severity of it.

So for the next several months, I spent a embarrassing amount of time helping her on this case, because she was a friend, and she was in real danger. This is were it becomes odd too, she would hardly ever want to come over to my place to work on this matter preferring me to drag my work all over creation, but when she did, I could not ger her to leave, and not like she was just chilling on my sofa, sprawled out on my bed talking about how glad she is we are friends, and then ask for a back message.

Considering how traumatic the event was, I just wrote it off as falkeyness brought on by the event. Things got sour when I began to notice she would only come to me with this nightmare issue she was dealing with, keep in mind we were friends before, and any other invites she would usely agree to then decline at a later date, the one she did fallow threw on she was always alarming close and would complain that I kept her at a retive distance.

It came to head when I spent a week helping her prepare for a administrative function for her issue, working just about every free moment on it. She thanked after it was over, and asked what she could do to repay me, and i said help me with getting a few achievements on a video game the fallowing Monday (yes she is a avid video game player) and I will call it even, so I fallow up Sunday ask r u still stopping by, she says yes in the evening. Monday comes and goes don't hear a word, dose not respond to txt or calls, Tuesdays comes I am little worries still no response. So I go into a investigative mode and check Facebook and Twitter to see if there was a hint on what happened to her. Come to find out she made plans with someone else right about the same time she told me she was going to show, and had been just completely blowing me off. I get pissed tell her that if after all that time i spent helping you I am not worth a simple txt message to tell me you are not coming she can go to hell, lose my number, etc. i did forward all the information for her problem though but I am done


Justification: I am what they call a nice guy and kind guy ya know, but that dose not mean I am there to let someone walk all over me. my main reason for helping was she was a friend, and she needed help. I took her belowing me off as that I am not a Friend I am someone she can use to help her, and when she dose not need my help somone she can blow off. or was I to harsh.
PS All of my female frends we screaming bloody murder that she was useing me for about a month beofre the end
 
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Dafearon is offline Dafearon Post #2  March 18,2010, 8:59am
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I would say you were too harsh, but your actions were correct.

It seemed like you wanted to lash back, and for that, you were too harsh. Personally, I wouldn't have texted that, and just left it alone.

As much as you want to say, you don't let someone walk all over you, she did. She got what she wanted from you and dropped you. You got upset, rightfully so, but the damage is already done.
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #3  March 18,2010, 9:50am
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This might be a side point, but unless you are an attorney you should not be helping people on legal matters, regardless of how well-read you think you are on the subject.

How you acted toward her wasn't very nice.

For some reason I really hope that D_Lion comments on this.
 
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PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #4  March 18,2010, 10:04am

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OP: She's not your friend, she's a user and sounds like she's manipulative too.
 
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Sassafras54 is online now Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #5  March 18,2010, 1:55pm
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She told you she wanted to be just friends. You provided free help to her on a legal problem. She behaved seductively while you were helping her. When the work was done she poofed.

Pretty nasty.

Yes, you were harsh. If you wanted to keep a relationship with her, you were too harsh. But if not, so what? All you did was tell her off verbally. That's not abusive.

Is it possible your degree of anger was because you let yourself get used? People can't generally use you if you don't allow it.

Sorry that happened! Look for nicer friends and girlfriends.
 
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KungFuFtr is offline KungFuFtr Post #6  March 18,2010, 2:40pm
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I'd be peeved too...

No, you weren't being too harsh. She's a user and she's probably heard it before. The problem with her type is she is only thinking in her best interests and she lacks a conscience. I doubt she'll change her character. Realize you are better off without "friends" like this one.

Her story does have some hypocrisy. She was in the middle of a sexual harassment suit. However, she told you she wanted to be friends; yet, she acted like a **** tease to manipulate you into doing her a favor...a big favor. Perhaps this sort of behavior is what got her in her predicament in the first place.

If I were in your shoes, I'd want my hard work and time appreciated. You could always "share" the work that you did for her with the other legal team. I'm sure they would appreciate the gesture.
 
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Immerito is offline Immerito Post #7  March 18,2010, 2:50pm
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I would call her a manipulative woman. I don't know why more men don't run for the hills when they encounter such women (or vice versa). Keep your relationship strictly business related. Seek out non-manipulative women for relationship purposes. They're out there, and they're looking for the non-manipulative, normal men.
 
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BikerBeagle is offline BikerBeagle Post #8  March 18,2010, 3:26pm
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I don't think you were too harsh at all ...you realized what was going on and you stood up for yourself which, sadly, a lot of people wouldn't do - they'd just "let it go". The problem with 'letting it go' is, the other person isn't going to learn it's NOT OK to treat people that way because, sadly, silence is often mistaken for approval.

wrote :
i did forward all the information for her problem though but I am done
Why? ...why did you send her all the work you did for her? I would've burned it before letting her get what she used you to get in the first place. Sending it to her is just rewarding her for bad behavior.

...but, then, I'm a jerk =).
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #9  March 18,2010, 3:35pm
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It's because he's "a nice guy"
 
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FwrduntoDawn is offline FwrduntoDawn Post #10  March 18,2010, 4:58pm
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Thanks for the comments; Yes I am upset that I let my self get used, why I was concerned that I might have been a little too harsh. No i am not a lawyer but was working very closely with a friend who is. No destroying the work was more of way making sure she had no reason to bug me again, than me being nice
 
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