sodone is offline sodone Post #1  February 17,2010, 2:49am
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Oh lordie, what an awkward moment. For the sake of clarity, let me say that I had nothing to do with their divorce, which was 7 years ago. They live in the same town and remain in contact because they have kids together.

But anyway, there I was in my Valentine's Day glory, lounging around in my very cute but not trashy outfit, when the ex stops by to drop off something for one of their girls. Introductions were made and everyone was polite. My bf didn't think it was a big deal, but yikes! I felt a bit uncomfortable, as if I were the other woman.

I know that my feelings aren't reasonable, but they had been married for 20 years, and their divorce wasn't her idea. I'm sure this would have been less awkward if I had been wearing normal clothes and not lounging on the couch. But as it was, I kind of felt as if I was the woman who stole her man.

I've met the kids, the family and friends and have great relationships with all of them. Somehow, though, I never really thought about having to deal with the ex. Any ideas, advice or words of wisdom?

Thanks
Last edited by sodone; February 17,2010 at 2:51am. Reason: typo...hate typos...
 
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Can_I_just_be_Jo is offline Can_I_just_be_Jo Post #2  February 17,2010, 4:18am

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All I have is get over it. Sorry but there is no advice because it is what it is. I think all your drama is kinda funny. I mean from the title I thought she did something crazy like my ex always does. Nope, she was pleasant.

Yeah I got nothin....
 
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lucky173 is offline lucky173 Post #3  February 17,2010, 4:58am
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sodone wrote :
Oh lordie, what an awkward moment. For the sake of clarity, let me say that I had nothing to do with their divorce, which was 7 years ago. They live in the same town and remain in contact because they have kids together.

But anyway, there I was in my Valentine's Day glory, lounging around in my very cute but not trashy outfit, when the ex stops by to drop off something for one of their girls. Introductions were made and everyone was polite. My bf didn't think it was a big deal, but yikes! I felt a bit uncomfortable, as if I were the other woman.

I know that my feelings aren't reasonable, but they had been married for 20 years, and their divorce wasn't her idea. I'm sure this would have been less awkward if I had been wearing normal clothes and not lounging on the couch. But as it was, I kind of felt as if I was the woman who stole her man.

I've met the kids, the family and friends and have great relationships with all of them. Somehow, though, I never really thought about having to deal with the ex. Any ideas, advice or words of wisdom?

Thanks
Same as what Jo said....

But, I'm also curious why your choice of clothing ("cute but not trashy") somehow made it more awkward? And a different outfit ("normal clothes") would have made it less awkward?

Were you in lingerie?? If so, the only suggestion I'd give is maybe next time have your bf give you a few minutes to go throw something else on before letting guests come into the house for introductions...

If not (shrug) I've got nothing either.... sorry.
 
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sodone is offline sodone Post #4  February 17,2010, 5:07am
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Nope, not lingerie...but it was a cute outfit from Victorias Secret. We were in for the night. And yes, I'm already over it, but I was wondering if there are things to consider when dealing with exes other than to behave well.
 
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Can_I_just_be_Jo is offline Can_I_just_be_Jo Post #5  February 17,2010, 5:45am

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No one can answer that but your boyfriend. All exes are different. The only thing my exes girlfriend could do to set me off is to hurt my kids. This does not include the usual trying to control mommy and daddy temper tantrums about friends but really hurting them on purpose. I would think most normal exes fall into this group.
 
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StuckOnYou is offline StuckOnYou Post #6  February 17,2010, 6:19am
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The only problem I would see is if the bf knew the ex was dropping by and hadn't told you about it. That would have been just plain mean, to the ex and to you.
 
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natalibera is offline natalibera Post #7  February 17,2010, 6:35am
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Totally agree with Jo on both posts.
Besides, after 7 yrs I would like to think she already has a life of her own...
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #8  February 17,2010, 10:02am
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That you were at his place for a romantic evening is not strange. What's strange is the lack of clear cut boundries between him and his ex. They are divorced. Dropping by the house unannounced on Valentines Day "for the sake of the kids" is inappropriate, and the awkwardness is understandable. Tell him how uncomfortable it was and that he needs to set up more boundaries and privacy for the two of you. Would he like your ex dropping in all the time?
sodone wrote :
Oh lordie, what an awkward moment. For the sake of clarity, let me say that I had nothing to do with their divorce, which was 7 years ago. They live in the same town and remain in contact because they have kids together.
But anyway, there I was in my Valentine's Day glory, lounging around in my very cute but not trashy outfit, when the ex stops by to drop off something for one of their girls. Introductions were made and everyone was polite. My bf didn't think it was a big deal, but yikes! I felt a bit uncomfortable, as if I were the other woman.
I know that my feelings aren't reasonable, but they had been married for 20 years, and their divorce wasn't her idea. I'm sure this would have been less awkward if I had been wearing normal clothes and not lounging on the couch. But as it was, I kind of felt as if I was the woman who stole her man.
I've met the kids, the family and friends and have great relationships with all of them. Somehow, though, I never really thought about having to deal with the ex. Any ideas, advice or words of wisdom?
Thanks
 
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sodone is offline sodone Post #9  February 18,2010, 1:33am
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Let me be clear, there was no drama. I live a drama free life I was just uncomfortable about the situation, and I think Wiseman hit it on the head. We need to establish boundaries about this sort of thing. Thanks for this pearl of wisdom!!

And no...I don't think she's moved on. I won't go into the details, but I do think that establishing appropriate boundaries is perhaps the best way to prevent future awkwardness.
 
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legend29 is offline legend29 Post #10  February 18,2010, 2:40am
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sodone wrote :
Oh lordie, what an awkward moment. For the sake of clarity, let me say that I had nothing to do with their divorce, which was 7 years ago. They live in the same town and remain in contact because they have kids together.

But anyway, there I was in my Valentine's Day glory, lounging around in my very cute but not trashy outfit, when the ex stops by to drop off something for one of their girls. Introductions were made and everyone was polite. My bf didn't think it was a big deal, but yikes! I felt a bit uncomfortable, as if I were the other woman.

I know that my feelings aren't reasonable, but they had been married for 20 years, and their divorce wasn't her idea. I'm sure this would have been less awkward if I had been wearing normal clothes and not lounging on the couch. But as it was, I kind of felt as if I was the woman who stole her man.

I've met the kids, the family and friends and have great relationships with all of them. Somehow, though, I never really thought about having to deal with the ex. Any ideas, advice or words of wisdom?

Thanks
Just for clarity...where were "the kids"?

I am confused because if the ex was dropping off a gift for "one of the girls", were they with you and the b/f?

Not a judgement call...just a thought I'm pondering.

But...I digress...everyone knowwwwws that Valentine's Day is never a day to just arbitrarily stop by to see an ex...for any reason. It is National "Gettin' Busy" Day...so I do find that to be rude on the ex's behalf, especially if she knew her ex was in a relationship. I would have called the day before and made arrangements to have the gift picked up or brought to my daughter. I can see why you felt uncomfortable, but based on 'the day' and circumstances, I think I would have been uncomfortable no matter whom the visitor was...at least give me time to look more presentable....who visits anyone unannounced on V-Day?...sheesh!
 
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