Want to start dating again


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wantyouropinion is offline wantyouropinion Post #1  January 27,2010, 7:29pm
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Hi All,
The ink is still drying from my ex-husband of 2 years. He was living a double life and I found out in in October 2009. We divorced in December 2009. I'm in my mid-30's and was planning on starting a family this year. Obviously this will not be my focus in the next year or two, but I quickly took action to move beyond that relationship and want to start a new chapter in my life.
I'm not a needy person and am very independent. I met an amazing person but get the sense that they may think it's too early for me. I don't think it's too early but wanted to know if anyone else has walked in this path situation of "what's enough time". I've always trusted by gut and instincts about when I'm ready with things in life and believe I'm ready to start dating. I don't want to date to date - I know what I like, what my interests and dealbreakers are and want the opportunity to have a family. Thoughts?
 
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ASkepticalAnalytic is offline ASkepticalAnalytic Post #2  January 27,2010, 7:37pm
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It's great to hear that you can move on and start a new chapter. There really is no "set" or appropriate time for "recovery". The time is only set arbitrarily be it by society/general populace, but most importantly, the individual themselves.

So make the message clear to this prospective amazing person of yours. If he knows about your past history and is hesitant, what is the best way to get rid of that hesitation? Simply by telling him what you feel and being yourself. The most common mistake people make in regards to dating or resuming dating, is that they over think things way too much. Granted I am not in the same boat as you in regards to a divorce, but the recent break up for me was pretty close to it for me. We can either let the past haunt us or start a new chapter. It's good to hear that you chose the later and all the more power to you. Let no one deter or stray your current path.
Last edited by ASkepticalAnalytic; January 27,2010 at 7:40pm.
 
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melman is offline melman Post #3  January 27,2010, 7:41pm
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You're a month into your "rebound" and your clock is apparently ticking loud enough for your dates to notice. Perhaps you should listen to them?
 
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wantyouropinion is offline wantyouropinion Post #4  January 27,2010, 9:50pm
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Thanks SkepticalAnalytic! I agree with listening to what's right for each of us. We all have to know ourselves well enough to move in the right direction in life.
I too am very analytical and sometimes overthink things. The truth is that I had a great time with this man - he's attractive, funny, witty, smart, confident and charming! What suprised me is that I had such a great time with him and we had so much in common.
Thanks in advance for your words of wisdom and reminding me to trust my instincts and what feels right.
 
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wantyouropinion is offline wantyouropinion Post #5  January 27,2010, 9:55pm
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Hi Veteran,
I wanted to mention that we didn't talk about kids during our date or expectations with dating. We just had a lot of fun and great conversation.
I'm not worried about having kids - this has never been a serious concern when dating for me. I figured if it happens, great. If not, there's a reason I wasn't supposed to have kids. However, I didn't think I should "wait" to start dating again because the timeframe is relatively close to my divorce. I was shocked at what an amazing person I met so quickly.
 
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BikerBeagle is offline BikerBeagle Post #6  January 28,2010, 3:22am
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Would it kill you to wait a little while (say, 6 months) just to be sure you are on the right track?

I can't tell you how many rebound stories I've heard starting with "I was divorced x months ago, but now I've met an amazing person and feel ready to date again". The question is, did you 'feel ready to date again' before you met this 'amazing' person?

Honestly, there really is no time frame for recovery, but in the grand scheme of time, is 6 months too much to ask of yourself (and your 'amazing' guy)?
 
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Nanette is offline Nanette Post #7  January 28,2010, 3:39am
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wantyouropinion wrote :
Hi All,
The ink is still drying from my ex-husband of 2 years. He was living a double life and I found out in in October 2009. We divorced in December 2009. I'm in my mid-30's and was planning on starting a family this year. Obviously this will not be my focus in the next year or two, but I quickly took action to move beyond that relationship and want to start a new chapter in my life.
I'm not a needy person and am very independent. I met an amazing person but get the sense that they may think it's too early for me. I don't think it's too early but wanted to know if anyone else has walked in this path situation of "what's enough time". I've always trusted by gut and instincts about when I'm ready with things in life and believe I'm ready to start dating. I don't want to date to date - I know what I like, what my interests and dealbreakers are and want the opportunity to have a family. Thoughts?
You weren't married for that long and it seems like you didn't get a lot established together, but I do think that less than 2 months is a little early to start dating. Not knowing the depth of your relationship its hard to say exactly how much time would be appropriate to wait, but things might come up for you again later. When I thought I still wanted to date and signed up for eharmony again back in, I think it was 2008, I really wasn't ready, and I'm glad I never actually dated someone at that time.

Those is my thoughts!
Last edited by Nanette; January 28,2010 at 3:42am.
 
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BubblyGirliGirl is offline BubblyGirliGirl Post #8  January 28,2010, 1:13pm
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As long as you can identify what you want (sounds like you do) but also try to understand what it is that your 'do not' want as well.
Enjoy the time you spend with your amazing person with eyes wide open.
If the ink is still drying, continue with your positive outlook, happiness to you!
 
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RoxyRedhead is offline RoxyRedhead Post #9  January 28,2010, 4:18pm

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I'd be a bit cautious about trying to develop an enduring relationship so quickly. Dating...sure, casual dating helps overcome the bad feelings of divorce, but I hope you allow yourself time to process the whole breakup thing and do some healing before jumping into another relationship.

Apparently your date is fairly savvy of the vibes you're giving out-or maybe he's had past experience with recently divorced women and learned the hard way-in any case, you'll need to respect his thoughts on the situation too-if he doesn't think you're ready than theres not much you can say to make him think any differently. And he is entitled to his opinion.

Nothing wrong with taking things a bit slower is there> If it's going to happen it will...and if not, nothing you do will make any difference.
 
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gothustartus is offline gothustartus Post #10  January 28,2010, 9:08pm
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You may think you're ready to get back in the saddle, but how much of that is denial? You may be giving off strong vibes that you're not noticing yourself but which are warning the guy you're interested in of stormy weather ahead.
Everyone is different in how long it takes to get over things, and of course i have no idea how deep your relationship with your husband was, it is possible to get past a relationship that quickly, however if i were in the new guys shoes i'd be hanging back until i were sure that the bomb isn't ticking.
 
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