Advice and Support from Thousands of Users Just Like You

Relationships Relationships: they have their ups and their downs. Share your joy or weather the storm in this discussion board.

Reply
Page 3 of 11 1 2 3 4 5 Last »
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
lindseyk lindseyk is offline
lindseyk's Avatar

lindseyk is peaceful.

Virtuoso

Join Date: Jan 2009

Posts: 4,616

See profile

cardguy wrote :
Personally, I don't think that thought process is unfair or inaccurate. I think it's important to have a support network, and while one's spouse should be the most important piece of that, they can't be one's only source of support.

I think it's important to differentiate between having a broader support network to talk to and using those other contacts as a substitute for addressing issues directly with one's partner. The latter is certainly unhealthy for a relationship, while the former is very healthy and desirable.
I agree. I told Steve today that I will always go to him when things come up in our relationship and discuss them with him so that we can work on resolving them together. That's been our approach thus far, but the current situation is bigger than both of us and we're both going to need a support system that includes friends and family, as well as professionals. I think if we're honest and open with each other about the support we're receiving and remember to always keep each other first, we'll do okay. It's when things get all out of whack and suspicious that it gets more difficult. It doesn't bother me to tell him what I've talked to my parents about - I won't lie to him or them. I just don't like being grilled about it like I'm doing something wrong. Like I said earlier, I don't run to my parents about every little thing and I kept my mouth shut about this for two and a half months pondering whether or not I should say anything. I did say something, but I also told them I'm in this for the long haul and they are in full support of that decision.
- January 22nd, 2010, 03:53 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#21   Reply With Quote
lindseyk lindseyk is offline
lindseyk's Avatar

lindseyk is peaceful.

Virtuoso

Join Date: Jan 2009

Posts: 4,616

See profile

jcw001 wrote :
Excellent posts.

Take care of you so that you stay healthy!

Al the Best to you!

I hope you two have a life that is free to explore the wonderment that a great relationship can provide.
Thanks!! We're looking forward to his recovery and are committed to doing everything we can to get to the place where we can truly enjoy being married and discovering life together.
- January 22nd, 2010, 03:55 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#22   Reply With Quote
lindseyk lindseyk is offline
lindseyk's Avatar

lindseyk is peaceful.

Virtuoso

Join Date: Jan 2009

Posts: 4,616

See profile

[quote=LizziePooh;859993]Awww, Lindsey. I am sorry you guys are having this trouble. I think you are handling it very well.

Thanks! You should have seen me earlier this week. lol I don't know why I bothered putting on makeup - I cried it all off anyway. But today is a better day. Seeing my pastor and his wife yesterday and praying with them really helped a lot.
- January 22nd, 2010, 03:57 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#23   Reply With Quote
RoxyRedhead RoxyRedhead is offline
RoxyRedhead's Avatar

RoxyRedhead Has a lot on her mind these days

Veteran

Join Date: May 2009

Posts: 1,949

See profile

Linds-I hope you feel as stable and together as your posts are sounding. Dealing with any mental issue is troubling for both the person with the problem and the loved one.

I'm glad to read you aren't allowing Steve to dictate unrealistic rules to you-things you know he'd not say if he were really with it...and sadly PTSD is something that has to be dealt with on an ongoing basis. He's not going to just get well and never be troubled again. Too many men of my generation still suffer from the PTSD they contracted in 'Nam and too many wives and children also have suffered from the lack of knowledge and denial of the problem that went on.

Co-therapy is important for you both, as is your setting some firm boundaries. His paranoia about the phone and computer is hugely telling-and you musn't validate his 'right' to make this kind of restriction on you. I know that, thinking we are being loving, it'd be easy to give in to this kind of thing-a don't make things worse mentality-so please stay strong, and keep both of you focused on reality and not on the false pretense of reality that PTSD is giving him.

Best wishes to you both...and know that you have a huge group of people behind you here,
- January 22nd, 2010, 04:07 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#24   Reply With Quote
jayjay jayjay is offline
jayjay's Avatar

jayjay Is on Spring Break.

Power Poster

Join Date: Jun 2008

Posts: 8,429

See profile

Lindsey....I hate to say it, but if you're in a relationship with someone who has a problem(s) this severe I'm afraid you'll be doing a lot of crying in the future. Sorry and best wishes.
- January 22nd, 2010, 04:13 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#25   Reply With Quote

ADVERTISEMENT

lindseyk lindseyk is offline
lindseyk's Avatar

lindseyk is peaceful.

Virtuoso

Join Date: Jan 2009

Posts: 4,616

See profile

RoxyRedhead wrote :
Linds-I hope you feel as stable and together as your posts are sounding. Dealing with any mental issue is troubling for both the person with the problem and the loved one.

I'm glad to read you aren't allowing Steve to dictate unrealistic rules to you-things you know he'd not say if he were really with it...and sadly PTSD is something that has to be dealt with on an ongoing basis. He's not going to just get well and never be troubled again. Too many men of my generation still suffer from the PTSD they contracted in 'Nam and too many wives and children also have suffered from the lack of knowledge and denial of the problem that went on.

Co-therapy is important for you both, as is your setting some firm boundaries. His paranoia about the phone and computer is hugely telling-and you musn't validate his 'right' to make this kind of restriction on you. I know that, thinking we are being loving, it'd be easy to give in to this kind of thing-a don't make things worse mentality-so please stay strong, and keep both of you focused on reality and not on the false pretense of reality that PTSD is giving him.

Best wishes to you both...and know that you have a huge group of people behind you here,
I'm doing better today than I was two days ago, or even yesterday, for that matter, but I know my emotions are going to be all over the place for awhile. Right now I'm very calm, probably because I'm completely exhausted and can't handle much more than just laying here typing. I am a very organized and solutions-oriented person though. I don't like to wallow. I would rather address the problem and find ways to work towards a resolution. Knowing that about myself is really helping to keep me from breaking down completely and having a good old-fashioned freak-out session.
- January 22nd, 2010, 04:28 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#26   Reply With Quote
lindseyk lindseyk is offline
lindseyk's Avatar

lindseyk is peaceful.

Virtuoso

Join Date: Jan 2009

Posts: 4,616

See profile

jayjay wrote :
Lindsey....I hate to say it, but if you're in a relationship with someone who has a problem(s) this severe I'm afraid you'll be doing a lot of crying in the future. Sorry and best wishes.
Thanks for the best wishes, jayjay. The emotional upheaval in the future has occurred to me. That's why I told Steve this is going to take time. It's going to take time for him to return to stability and it's going to take more time after that to build our relationship back up. It's going to take time to regain our confidence and move ahead. I have no problem with that and neither does he, but it's a painful thing to think about all the same. We can't just say, "Okay, October 16th - that's when it's all going to be okay." Who knows when it will be? Sometimes I think the waiting will be the hardest part and how will we know when it's time to stop waiting and move ahead?
- January 22nd, 2010, 04:34 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#27   Reply With Quote
livenlearn livenlearn is online now
livenlearn's Avatar

livenlearn is on auto pilot, don't wake the pilot.

Enthusiast

Join Date: Dec 2009

Posts: 749

See profile

lindseyk wrote :
If nothing else, it's nice to know my parents are there praying. I don't want them to freak out and I'll be glad to have some good news to tell them about the positive steps that are being taken regarding treatment so far.
Your parents are your life line. They know you the best. It would only worry them more if you were going through this, and they saw changes in you and you were not talking with them about it. What you could do is limit what you tell them and if they know your getting professional help too. I am sure they will be supportive. After all thats the responsible thing to do.
- January 22nd, 2010, 05:36 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#28   Reply With Quote
lindseyk lindseyk is offline
lindseyk's Avatar

lindseyk is peaceful.

Virtuoso

Join Date: Jan 2009

Posts: 4,616

See profile

livenlearn wrote :
Your parents are your life line. They know you the best. It would only worry them more if you were going through this, and they saw changes in you and you were not talking with them about it. What you could do is limit what you tell them and if they know your getting professional help too. I am sure they will be supportive. After all thats the responsible thing to do.
I talked to my mom briefly tonight just to let her know the progress with Steve getting treatment and that I'm okay today. She didn't press for details - just told me to take care of myself and make sure that my other priorities, such as school, aren't getting lost in the shuffle. As always, she's supportive.
- January 22nd, 2010, 08:02 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#29   Reply With Quote
jayjay jayjay is offline
jayjay's Avatar

jayjay Is on Spring Break.

Power Poster

Join Date: Jun 2008

Posts: 8,429

See profile

lindseyk wrote :
Thanks for the best wishes, jayjay. The emotional upheaval in the future has occurred to me. That's why I told Steve this is going to take time. It's going to take time for him to return to stability and it's going to take more time after that to build our relationship back up. It's going to take time to regain our confidence and move ahead. I have no problem with that and neither does he, but it's a painful thing to think about all the same. We can't just say, "Okay, October 16th - that's when it's all going to be okay." Who knows when it will be? Sometimes I think the waiting will be the hardest part and how will we know when it's time to stop waiting and move ahead?
What this situation seems like is want and waiting for him to 'change'. Something that women oftentimes seem to do with men. I hope it happens....but I'm not optimistic. Here's wishing you the best though.
- January 22nd, 2010, 09:07 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#30   Reply With Quote

ADVERTISEMENT

Reply
Page 3 of 11 1 2 3 4 5 Last »

Bookmarks

« Communication | Array | How to realise if a realtionship is coming to an end. »
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
interested in me but wont really talk to me. what to do? hairstylist86 Dating 10 February 1st, 2010 10:59 am
Not Talk in the Tub? Skyking6976 Dating 27 January 28th, 2010 02:51 pm
How long before... The Talk or Walk? jussmile Dating 73 January 13th, 2010 06:03 pm
International Talk Like a Pirate Day livingdeadguy Everything Else 13 September 20th, 2009 11:10 pm

Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“I'm unaware of any correlation between a professing of religious faith and the issues of honesty/integrity. Seems like a (game of chance) shoot to me in that area.” – ThePriestess

Join the “We are not your ex....” discussion

“ ^^This” – TXButtercup

Join the “Matches are all similar occupations?” discussion

“Let's see...... They have a government-granted monopoly They can raise rates at will They don't pay income tax They don't pay property tax They don't pay fuel or highway use taxes They ... ” – Gary21228

Join the “USPS” discussion

“ I realize how dumb I really am sometimes. (I used to think I was just as sharp as a lil ol whip!) And I remember that we all struggle with something, we all want to be heard, and we all want to be ... ” – j0hn8andy

Join the “Profile Photos, First Dates and Feminine Attire” discussion

“You can drive yourself crazy speculating about this. I just respond to people once I see it's my turn to, and I don't worry about how long it took them.” – mrflyer

Join the “How long is too long to wait for a response?” discussion

“ No, she's not. Aunts, female friends, and game show hosts kiss on the cheek, not people who are romantically interested. It would be the same as shaking his hand. BTW I've seen no evidence that ... ” – mrflyer

Join the “3 dates-- no kiss, and hardly no contact. Has he lost interest?” discussion

“Why wouldn't the number of kids a match has and their living arrangements not be of any concern to a potential date/mate? Why on earth would someone keep that as a secret, that a mate has to ask ... ” – mrflyer

Join the “Disclosing the Past” discussion

“We are driven by our hormones. A lot of who we are and what we do is due to them. If you are towards the middle ground of estrogen/testosterone consider yourself very lucky. Very high DHT levels ... ” – Avalon1k

Join the “Blame it on testosterone?” discussion



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 11:51 pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.1
Copyright ©2000 - 2010, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.3.0