HELP!! Send His Mom a Card or NO??


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jussmile is offline jussmile Post #1  January 13,2010, 10:40am
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Okay, background story: I am dating an older gentleman (almost 20 years older than I am). We have been dating since early December, and decided at the start of the new year to make it exclusive. During the christmas holiday, his mom makes fresh baked cookies. Well, I guess he told her about me and she sent some cookies through him to me. I wanted to send her a thank you card, but did not, because (at the time) I didn't know that he had told her about me and just figured he gave me cookies out of his stash.

He does dinner with his mom every weekend (Saturday or Sunday), and spends about 2-4 days pers week with me. He has never invited me to dinner with his mom, and I was given very clear advice from the people on this board to NOT self-invite. So, I've left this alone and know that he will invite me when he feels comfortable and that the time is right.

Fast forward... so, his mom's birthday dinner is coming up. I didn't send a Thank You card for the christmas cookies, should I send a Happy Birthday card, or a Thank you card with Happy Birthday wishes through him to give to her? If so, what should it say? Do I send chocolates, or small gift to go along with it? If so, what???

totally lost and could use some advice!!
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #2  January 13,2010, 10:57am
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Just give him a thank you card, to her, for baking the cookies.
That way, it doesn't look like you are trying to get invited to her birthday bash, and you'll stay in good graces with him.
It's a little too early(IMO) to be corresponding to his mother unless he OKs it.
(As far as she knows, he has not told you about her b-day anyway, and your under no obligation there..)
Last edited by TheThinker; January 13,2010 at 10:59am.
 
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FairOne is offline FairOne Post #3  January 13,2010, 11:10am
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Agree with the Thinker.
If on the other hand you are going to the birthday dinner, I think a (non-mushy) card would be great and maybe a small gift (like a scented candle if you know she like's them, but nothing bigger than that and *definitely* not mandatory).
 
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jussmile is offline jussmile Post #4  January 13,2010, 11:22am
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FairOne wrote :
Agree with the Thinker.
If on the other hand you are going to the birthday dinner, I think a (non-mushy) card would be great and maybe a small gift (like a scented candle if you know she like's them, but nothing bigger than that and *definitely* not mandatory).

No, I did not get invited to the birthday dinner, so will not be going. Any card, etc. will have to be delivered through him to his mom.
also, he did say when I mentioned the "thank you" for the cookies, that it would have been okay to send her a card.

so, it sounds like I should send a "Thank You" card, not a "Happy Birthday" card, and just tell her happy birthday in the card, make it very straightforward. No, candle or chocolates or anything?
 
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PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #5  January 13,2010, 11:28am

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Yep, thank you card is good.
 
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richey is offline richey Post #6  January 13,2010, 3:42pm
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Thank you card is great. It's okay to wish a Happy Birthday too on the card. But base it off of a thank you card.

Richey
 
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FairOne is offline FairOne Post #7  January 13,2010, 3:57pm
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jussmile wrote :
No, I did not get invited to the birthday dinner, so will not be going. Any card, etc. will have to be delivered through him to his mom.
also, he did say when I mentioned the "thank you" for the cookies, that it would have been okay to send her a card.

so, it sounds like I should send a "Thank You" card, not a "Happy Birthday" card, and just tell her happy birthday in the card, make it very straightforward. No, candle or chocolates or anything?
I think the Thank You card, with birthday wishes, would be good. I wouldn't send an additional gift.
 
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jussmile is offline jussmile Post #8  January 13,2010, 4:04pm
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interesting... talked to a friend today, and she said it is too late to send a Thank You card for the cookies. I've missed the boat on that one :-(.
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #9  January 13,2010, 5:42pm
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jussmile wrote :
interesting... talked to a friend today, and she said it is too late to send a Thank You card for the cookies. I've missed the boat on that one :-(.
I disagree.
Good manners dictates you do it anyway.
"sorry this card is so late, but I wanted to thank you for the cookies...they were delicious..."

and, you have nothing to lose as you are dating this guy...
and his mother isn't going anywhere, soon.
Last edited by TheThinker; January 13,2010 at 5:45pm.
 
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CaliforniaDreams is offline CaliforniaDreams Post #10  January 13,2010, 8:02pm
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richey wrote :
Thank you card is great. It's okay to wish a Happy Birthday too on the card. But base it off of a thank you card.

Richey

i completely agree! And its never too late for a thank you card!!

Once you know her in person, then a happy birthday card is appropriate
 
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