Men!? Why don't some of them look at getting married as a joy and comfortable like us women do?


Reply
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #1  January 10,2010, 10:44am
D_Lion's Avatar

- Ladies want to wring my neck - you have been warned!

Sage

Joined: Aug 2008

Posts: 31,680

See profile

Let's see if we can answer this question for LizziePooh:

LizziePooh wrote :
Men!? Why don't some of them look at getting married as a joy and comfortable like us women do? I don't understand that about them.

So, why not to get married:

Negative prior experience, or the experience of parents / friends. Especially the negative cash flow part of the experience. Men are (more) able to detach from emotions and understand the objective attributes inherent in marriage.

Dissatisfaction with present partner. He thinks his partner is not fitting the criteria he identified for satisfaction, and - try as he might - she isn't making the necessary changes (and hoping a partner will change is not a good idea at all.)

His partner is not holding to the attributes she exhibited at the outset. Some of you may have seen my prior thread where my partner of ten years (with some gaps) announced a desire to have children. If I had married this partner I would today be negotiating the divorce. Changing one's standard of appearance care is another common event in this theme.

A sense of being "unfit" or "not ready." Yes, another date said "financially responsible and able to provide," while he worried that the cost of the date was the gas money for this week. He looks around at the people he knows with successful marriages, and sees his boss; people older, with better jobs. Maybe they talk of struggles; and he knows if they have struggles, his will be worse.

Any other ideas?
 
  Reply With Quote
qt_py is offline qt_py Post #2  January 10,2010, 10:56am

Quick Study

Joined: Nov 2009

Posts: 177

See profile

So, explain to me again why these women got divorced in the first place.
 
  Reply With Quote
dahlimema is offline dahlimema Post #3  January 10,2010, 11:02am
dahlimema's Avatar

Life is Goo..........;)

Sage

Joined: Sep 2009

Texas

Posts: 20,284

See profile

qt_py wrote :
So, explain to me again why these women got divorced in the first place.
For the same reasons D_Lion posted for not getting married
 
  Reply With Quote
D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #4  January 10,2010, 11:07am
D_Lion's Avatar

- Ladies want to wring my neck - you have been warned!

Sage

Joined: Aug 2008

Posts: 31,680

See profile

qt_py wrote :
So, explain to me again why these women got divorced in the first place.

You'll have to ask the women this question.
 
  Reply With Quote
Joker1 is offline Joker1 Post #5  January 10,2010, 11:26am

listen to the melody of nature

Unregistered

Joined: Jan 2010

In your heart

Posts: 250

See profile

When a man gets a good woman, he has the Universe in the palms of his hands. When she is fair, honest, willing to negotiate, laugh, take care of herself and still be able to play, life is a good one my friend.

But let's talk about the average marriage where the woman might be arguementative, uncooperative and just be the typical wife. Sexologists, Scientists and Medical Doctors say hormones has a lot to do with how we react as a man or woman.

Women who marry become instant neighborhood heros with other women. Once they become a "mother" they are heros to the town! Grandmothers who live to be 90+ are shown on the front covers of local newspapers to celebrate their birthdays.

Men rarely get such recognition. When have you heard a husband get credit for helping his wife? Almost never because women get all the credit for household and family issues. Where have you read on these boards posts that celebrate husbands? None? How many celebrate women and motherhood? Got me, it's exponential and applies in the legal field per court, etc.

Women gain from a marriage; men lose. Men lose their freedom, their male friends are often pushed away by wives, etc. Men become instantly in debt for the rest of their lives when they buy a house.

More men my age than women work longer hours outside the house to pay the mortgage.
That's a lot of stress to continue to pay the mortgage. The guy might have to get two jobs
while the woman has one less stressful job.

If the guy loses a good job, there's a good chance his wife will leave him. She can think of many reasons but it comes down to economics.

While the man is working two jobs, the women is more free to socialize. When the man comes home overtired from working two jobs and lost sleep from worrying about expenses, his wife will yell at him to "clean up the house."

Some wives work their husbands to death. They put them to work around the house on the weekends and overwork him till he gets a heart attack. After retirement, the wive, who stays at home all day, will tell the guy to get a job! That's so he is away from her. Go figure.

There's a lot more but I'm not going to write it. It's too depressing! It's great in the beginning but children change the whole scenario of romantic lovemaking to petty arguements.

Remember a good woman will make a man's life a kingdom on Earth.


D_Lion wrote :
Let's see if we can answer this question for LizziePooh:




So, why not to get married:

Negative prior experience, or the experience of parents / friends. Especially the negative cash flow part of the experience. Men are (more) able to detach from emotions and understand the objective attributes inherent in marriage.

Dissatisfaction with present partner. He thinks his partner is not fitting the criteria he identified for satisfaction, and - try as he might - she isn't making the necessary changes (and hoping a partner will change is not a good idea at all.)

His partner is not holding to the attributes she exhibited at the outset. Some of you may have seen my prior thread where my partner of ten years (with some gaps) announced a desire to have children. If I had married this partner I would today be negotiating the divorce. Changing one's standard of appearance care is another common event in this theme.

A sense of being "unfit" or "not ready." Yes, another date said "financially responsible and able to provide," while he worried that the cost of the date was the gas money for this week. He looks around at the people he knows with successful marriages, and sees his boss; people older, with better jobs. Maybe they talk of struggles; and he knows if they have struggles, his will be worse.

Any other ideas?
Last edited by Joker1; January 10,2010 at 11:33am.
 
  Reply With Quote
Wootz is offline Wootz Post #6  January 10,2010, 11:29am
Wootz's Avatar

wants to be half as good as grandad was.

Veteran

Joined: May 2009

Appalachian Mountains

Posts: 1,670

See profile

Marriage *should* have joy and comfort, along with the trials and difficulties. Otherwise why be even consider it at all? I, personally look forward to marriage with the right lady. I am cautious about doing so, however.

There is a discernable difference in levels of trust between dating and living together with all the legal entanglements and such that marriage entails. This is not just men, it happens on *both* sides, and we both should consider it very carefully. Issues of money, property, and debt plague both genders. Children, need I say more? Changes in social lives, personal schedules, anything and everything can be affected by marriage.
Last edited by Wootz; January 10,2010 at 11:32am.
 
  Reply With Quote
qt_py is offline qt_py Post #7  January 10,2010, 11:32am

Quick Study

Joined: Nov 2009

Posts: 177

See profile

D_Lion wrote :
You'll have to ask the women this question.
I think that men DO enjoy marriage. Its just that they don't want to limit themselves to sleeping with the same woman for the rest of their lives
 
  Reply With Quote
meri75 is offline meri75 Post #8  January 10,2010, 11:45am
meri75's Avatar

really wants a double dissolution in 2011!

Power Poster

Joined: Mar 2009

Australia

Posts: 5,112

See profile

D - each premise you listed can equally apply to the woman realising that he doesn't measure up here.

I agree with you re the change piece - not expecting your partner to change. But people can and do change and not being able to cope with that in any form, is setting yourself up for failure. In all aspects of your life.
 
  Reply With Quote
Wonderwoman402 is offline Wonderwoman402 Post #9  January 10,2010, 11:46am
Wonderwoman40…'s Avatar

L'Chayim!

Virtuoso

Joined: Jan 2009

Omaha, NE

Posts: 4,495

See profile

After not really caring one way or the other about whether I'd ever re-marry again, I have recently decided I do not want to re-marry for at least 8 years, until my youngest is out of college.

Why? Well, despite the government's purported interest in seeing that people form stable married families, there are some extreme financial obstacles that the government has put up to make marriage... especially a second marriage... financially disadvantageous.

1. There's the well-known 'marriage penalty' for income tax purposes if both spouses make approximately the same income. There is actually a tax advantage in marriage if one spouse has little or no income, but I've supported one husband and don't intend to do that again.

2. I have just discovered that for financial aid for dependent college students, the income of the new spouse of a custodial parent is included in the financial aid calculations, even if the couple has a prenuptial agreement that specifies the new spouse (step parent) will not be responsible for his/her mate's children's college expenses.

I do have one financial incentive to get re-married prior to retirement as my company has a pension benefit available to a surviving spouse but only if I am married at the time of retirement. My employer also has a retiree health benefit that may come into play as a factor in deciding whether to get married prior to retirement. I know my employment situation is unusual and these two particular considerations would not apply to many... although the ability to afford health insurance could very well be a factor for anyone if one partner wants to consider an early retirement (prior to being eligible for Medicare).

On the non-financial side, although my parents were married for 56 years and loved each other until death took them 3 months apart.... currently the happiest couples I know just live with each other without being married. They may well own a house together, etc., but have no desire to marry. Pretty much every couple I know who is married is envious of my lifestyle being divorced. Makes me think: Why would I want to change?

I do want to be in a committed relationship. I want someone I can count on, someone who would "be there" for me as I would "be there" for him. I do want love, sex, companionship, and all the good things that people want with a mate. But I do not necessarily believe you need to be married for that... especially if you do not intend to have children with your mate.

I do see the value in a young couple who wants kids, wants to buy their first house, etc. together getting married. And it is wonderful when these marriages last a lifetime!

But to consider it again at my age when I have no intention of having more kids... I'm of the mindset I will be better off in an unmarried relationship (for at least the next 8 years).
 
  Reply With Quote
Fleuellen is offline Fleuellen Post #10  January 10,2010, 12:12pm
Fleuellen's Avatar

Enthusiast

Joined: Jul 2009

Posts: 785

See profile

i'd marry again tomorrow, but only to someone i want to grow old with ... same reason i married previously ... i don't now anyone who i see this with at present (nor they me)n... and i know plenty of women who don't want to marry just anyone either(including me)
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply


« I didn't do right by him. Can things work out? | Relationships | Your home is like a big puffy red balloon »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“ ^This is the better plan.. My experience has been that love usually comes along when you least expect it, and when your heart is open enough to let it in. If you try to put a set time table on when ... ” –  TheThinker

Join the “Transition from dating to relationship” discussion

“ As Ingy mentions ...he's good with the lines and multitasking relationships.. All anyone can say is: don't get played again...especially by the same guy twice... Move on to someone who is decisive ... ” –  lynntlb78

Join the “Reuniting with EX” discussion

“This varies based on your age, gender, location, settings, and 29 dimensions. My settings are fairly narrow and I've always gotten a steady stream of matches. But, my location seems to have a lot ... ” –  dmi

Join the “Different Strategy” discussion

“I'm extremely allergic to cats, plus I just don't like 'em. So I won't date someone with cats. Dogs, I love. But I'm attracted to certain types of dogs. A guy with a little yorkie turns me off. ... ” –  ZisaGirl

Join the “What about a "PET BOX" ?? again this sounds simple or??” discussion

“If you get the opportunity, yes.” –  ThePriestess

Join the “Should I ever date in college?” discussion

“...and since you're Shaun Cassidy fan mitchell...this song is just for you! "Da Doo Ron Ron" I met her on a Monday And my heart stood still Da doo ron ron ron Da doo ron ron Somebody told me That ... ” –  legend29

Join the “Robin Gibbs Dead at 62...How Deep is Your Love?” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 9:21am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0