Feeling insecure, especially tonight

Hi All.

I am feeling insecure tonight about the relationship I am in right now. I've written about him before...my bf (49), me (42) been dating for over a year. I've been pretty confident about things (this relationship always felt loving and special) until lately. These feelings have come up again because tonight when he called, he left me a very cool message on my cell phone.

It started with my last phone call to him Monday. I called "Hi! Just wanted to share...I saw the most amazing thing. There was a huge arc of a rainbow across the sky after the rain today. It was amazing! Everyone was looking at it. I also wanted to tell you that the seaweed snack you like so much...they now have it at Trader Joe's for only .99 cents! That's all. Just wanted to share...have a good night (said tenderly)".

Today he leaves me a short, succinct message on my phone. "Hi, I just got out of Trader Joe's. They didn't have the seaweed snack. The guy said that it's selling so fast they don't even have it in the warehouse. If you go by Trader Joe's, could you pick up some for me? Thanks". (click, the message ends)

No, "how are you honey?"..."I miss you" or "could you please?". No sweetness/warmth in his voice. No, "call me when you can" like he usually says. It was a matter of fact, like he is asking his business partner to do a task for him.

???

I dont' know what to think. It could be something, it could be nothing. I could be he is so tired/distracted working he wasn't totally alert. I feel sort of hurt he spoke to me like this. And I find my mind racing...is he losing interest in me? is he bored with me? Is he hurt about something? Did he discover something about me he doesn't like? Does he want out?

I don't know...I do know it's making me feel insecure tonight. I am not going to call him back. Why should I? He didn't ask that I call back (and he didn't sound like he was eager to hear from me) and it sounded like he just wanted me to run an errand for him (forget that...not motivated to please him right now).

I know I could ask him...but it's a hard question. I could ask "are you still happing dating me?", I guess. I could only ask when I am feeling calm. But sometimes the best thing to do is not ask and talk about it immediately but just to pay attention to how they act. They may not realize what they are feeling themselves or they may not be ready to share and deny it. So I think I'll be pulling back a bit and watch.

See how my mind is spinning?

I am also making a mental list of all the things I would do if he broke up with me. All the ways I would jump start my life again to survive it.

Anyone feel like this?

Thanks for listening.

OP, do you think there comes a time in a relationship when you both should be able to:

1) Let your guard down?
2) Allow yourself to show the bad mood you are in around your partner and know that they'll give you space, cut you some slack and not take offense?
3) Ask them to do something for you without begging or sugarcoating things?

Also, have you always been this jittery about your relationship and do you always require a lot of reassurance from your partner or this just something that has come up recently? If the honest answer is that you feel this way fairly often, then the culprit is you and your personal insecurities. However if this coming up just now, then I'm guessing there is more to his behavior that has abruptly changed than just one phone message. In that case the real question is whether your relationship is just reached a certain stage (see my questions above) or whether he is in fact moving on. Normally I'd say ask him, but if he is busy and stressed out and that's why he is a bit cool to you, you suddenly demanding more effort from him toward you will probably cool things even more. Of course only you know what's going on in his life at the moment. These are just some things for you to consider.