Why won't he answer a direct question?


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trixie1868 is offline trixie1868 Post #1  December 2,2009, 2:16pm

what the bejeezus is going on round here?!

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Ok. Need a bit of help. What d'ya think of this bit of emailing?

Why would a man, who's voluntarily told you that he's going away to the coast for a few days, deliberately avoid answering the direct question "who are you going with?"

His response was "I'm driving down alone. I'll be back by the weekend"

So the next question was "Are you meeting someone down there then? Have you met someone? You have every right to, of course" ~ No response at all

No prizes for guessing the 'man' is my ex and we've been broken up for a couple of years so he could / should be seeing someone new and surely be ok with saying so? I'll hate hearing it but I've got to stop living in the past.

He has never been the type to spare my feelings, so what's the deal?

He's back by the weekend so we only have a couple of days to sort me out!

Thank you, lovely posters, in advance.
 
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ami1uwant is offline ami1uwant Post #2  December 2,2009, 2:36pm
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I dont know why hed mention it in the first place ubnless you still communicate with him because you had children. I dont know your past. It would be perfectly logical for him to say he was not going to be home in case anything happened with the kids.

He told you he was driving down alone. Unless you knew he had friends where he is going...I believe he is going down there by himself. I travel places by myself all the time...even with no intention of meeting someone where I am traveling to.

Why does it matter you know who he is traveling there to meet or traveling down with?

Also you asking him could be reliving problems in your relationship that he wants to avoid by even answering the question.
 
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PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #3  December 2,2009, 2:38pm

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ok......when you parted ways, was it on bad/good terms? If it was on bad terms did you decide to be friends afterwards? Technically he is not under any obligation to tell you who he is going with (or going to meet).

Maybe in a way he doesn't want to tell you...just to give you an illusion that he's still available...so if things don't work out with the other person...then he thinks you might be up for an occasional 'for old time sake' hook ups.

Just a theory.
 
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Dafearon is offline Dafearon Post #4  December 2,2009, 2:44pm
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Why does he have to answer? He has no obligation to you. If there are kids or some other obligation, maybe he's fulfilling that by telling you he'll be gone for the weekend, but with you asking, he's probably wondering, "Why is she asking me?" and become self conscious.

If in the same similar situation, if i told an ex I was going away for the weekend for whatever reason, and she probed about who i was meeting, she would be greeted with silence.
 
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cardguy is offline cardguy Post #5  December 2,2009, 2:51pm
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My take on the situation: it's none of your business. I think it's completely reasonable not to want to talk to your ex about any current relationships or dating activity.

I don't see anything productive coming out of pursuing the issue further...if he was interested in answering you, he would have done so already.
 
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trixie1868 is offline trixie1868 Post #6  December 2,2009, 2:54pm

what the bejeezus is going on round here?!

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No kids.

We didn't communicate at all for around a year but recently got back in email contact which is very frequent. Complicated break up with much hurt and confusion on both sides. We never discuss 'the relationship'

I know I'm being intrusive. I know he isn't obliged to answer.
He could've omitted to tell me he'd be away. I'd never have known. We don't see each other. We haven't seen each other for 18 months and there's no suggestion, on either side, that we should.

I guess I think knowing that he'd moved on with someone else would help me to kick my residual feelings into touch. You know what I mean?
 
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ami1uwant is offline ami1uwant Post #7  December 2,2009, 3:00pm
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What us your goal in this? Are you wanting to get back together?

If not then dont waste your time with him with email/text.
 
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BikerBeagle is offline BikerBeagle Post #8  December 2,2009, 3:10pm
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thinks everyone should just ask themselves, WWBBD?

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Two obvious answers I can think of ...

1) He doesn't want you to know

2) He wants you to wonder about it.
 
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trixie1868 is offline trixie1868 Post #9  December 2,2009, 3:18pm

what the bejeezus is going on round here?!

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BikerBeagle wrote :
Two obvious answers I can think of ...

1) He doesn't want you to know

2) He wants you to wonder about it.

These were my musing too.
 
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RoxyRedhead is offline RoxyRedhead Post #10  December 2,2009, 3:43pm
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Is he a button pusher? Would he know that this kind of sly not commenting drive you nuts? I vote for yanking your chain.

But thats what MY ex would do, just because he'd know it would be worse for me to not know that to be told "I'm meeting Sexy Sue at the coast for a hot weekend"...cause I'd just say "Lucky her-not"


And while it is no longer your business I can attest to the fact that it takes years for some women to get over our ex's-as miserable as we might have been with them.

Try to let it go sweetie
 
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